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Age gap relationships

(20 Posts)
DivaDroid Wed 10-Aug-16 09:02:43

One of my friends has just starting seeing a guy, but she's worried about the age gap. I've seen them together & they get on really well & seem really well matched.
She's worried that she's coming across as a sexual predator as she's 34 (previously married & with 2 young children) he's only 23 (no kids or marriages).
Admittedly, on the face of it I'm a bit. hmmshock, but they are so well suited.
Is it weird to have that kind of gap? FWIW there is 6 years between DH & I, with him being the oldest.

TheNaze73 Wed 10-Aug-16 09:09:22

I am 10 years younger than my partner (45 & 55) and the only people it seems to bother are people who gossip about anything anyway. If she's happy & he's happy, then I don't see a problem. Blokes don't tend to mature until their mid 30's, so it may not be for ever but, she should just enjoy it

StillDrSethHazlittMD Wed 10-Aug-16 09:18:00

I was a man in my mid-20s when I met my ex who was 11 years older than me. We were really suited, not one person thought it odd or surprising as I was always considered older than my years, even though I (and my ex) both looked younger than our years and still do.

However, I have to say while the first 5 years were brilliant, once she hit 40, it went downhill because we were at different stages in life and wanted different things. We carried on for another 4 years, getting on perfectly fine but we'd become roommates. The plug should have been pulled much sooner.

I would never go for a relationship with a large gap again, but that's based on my experience.

Justaboy Wed 10-Aug-16 09:38:21

If there're happy with each other, then that's fine:-)

PinkyPlumet Wed 10-Aug-16 09:45:45

There were 21 years between my parents. They divorced 13 years ago and my dad passed away 3 weeks ago. So my mum would have been widowed very young had they still been together. However I think age gap relationships work just as well as any other relationship

Rowgtfc72 Thu 11-Aug-16 20:06:29

Nearly 10 yrs between dh and me. I'm the eldest. Agree with the blokes maturing later comment.

IHeartTyrion Thu 11-Aug-16 20:21:53

I'm 10 years older than my husband. We met when he was 23 and me 33, 8 years later we're still going strong.

He definitely is (and was) mature for his 'age' and you would never know there is the age gap there is unless we talk about the 80's 😂😂

I also had two children when we met, we also have one together now.

SandyY2K Thu 11-Aug-16 20:35:16

It depends on the individuals and the family influence, especially where it's a much older woman versus a younger man.

I'll be honest and say that if I had a 23 year old son and he brought home a 34 year old GF with 2 kids, I'd be very upset.

No offence to anyone who's been in that situation, but at 23, I'd expect him to be out clubbing/partying with friends and exploring the world. Their just at totally different stages in life.

Not having to be a semi stepdad.

A friend of mine has a 17 year age gap, with her DH being older. She's been asked if he was her dad before and I'd just hate that. There's a 2 year age gap between her and his daughter, but he is a really lovely sweet and pleasant man and they are very happy.

He looks more like her dad's friend than her husband, but older men can be good at pampering you.

IHeartTyrion Thu 11-Aug-16 20:40:02

Thankfully Sandy I have a wonderful MIL who sees me for the person I am and not the number of years I've notched up. She's also a fantastic grandmother to ALL THREE of my children!!

Missgraeme Thu 11-Aug-16 20:42:47

I was 42 when I met my dh (32)and I had 10kids!!

IHeartTyrion Thu 11-Aug-16 20:46:42

You win Miss 😂😂😂

Batteriesallgone Thu 11-Aug-16 20:50:07

Age gap relationships do tend to be dogged by the assumption infedelity was involved.

Nearly all of the age-gap relationships I know involve the older one cheating on their existing marriage/kids with the younger one, who they then go and start a new 'formal' relationship with when the cheating is exposed. There is just always that hint of having traded in for a younger model and does the newer/younger one have an expiry date too?

UpYerGansey Thu 11-Aug-16 21:20:47

I ended an age-gap relationship recently - 14 years, I was the elder lemon.

Agree with a pp, family matters here. I didn't meet my guy's family, but I'd bet my last red cent that his parents would have choked on their gall had he (the baby of the family of a family of high-flyers, and only son) with the likes of me.

I've a son myself. I have mixed feelings. Mostly I'd want him (my own son) to optimise his chances for happiness, but who can tell where that will fall.

I knew my relationship would fail, so I ended it before I got hurt, but your friend is young OP. 32 is young.

Keepingupwiththejonesys Thu 11-Aug-16 21:37:36

My husband is 10 years older than me, i was 17 amd him 27 when we met. People aren't bothered about it now, don't really notice actually but when we first got together there was lots of nasty comments going on. Not about my husband but me. That I was a 'silly little girl' and 'must want money'. He has a pretty good job and we're financially stable but we still have to budget. I was working full time when we met and he thought I was older, I told him my age on the first date and he was surprised but we clicked and had so much in common we gave it ago. Now at 25 and 35 we've got two beautiful children and a third on the way. We are very loved up still and I wouldn't change him for.the world x

SandyY2K Thu 11-Aug-16 21:55:30

Good for you Iheart.

At 23 I'd be expecting my DC to have not long finished university and not needing such responsibility and getting saddled with a ready made family.

SandyY2K Thu 11-Aug-16 22:15:56

Relationships are challenging enough, just dealing with the dynamics of males/females, without other factors like DCs from previous relationships and large age gaps regardless of the gender.

These age gaps are all well and good in late teens/ 20s/ 30s, but as people age, it becomes more apparent and considering men have been known to leave for younger women from way back in time when the couple are the same age, I'd not want my DH to be that much younger to begin with. Each to their own though.

Much depends where you are at and your stage in life. My DD is 16 and if she had a BF 10 years older, I'd wonder why he wasn't dating women his own age. At that age a 26 year old is way ahead of a 16 or 17 year old in life experiences and has a great advantage to manipulate if he was so inclined and many are. I was 19 and had a BF almost 10 years older than me and I can see how he had the upper hand looking back on it now.

Of course you'll always have the happy ever after stories in spite of couples with a 20 or 30 year age gap.

Shosha1 Thu 11-Aug-16 22:20:41

10 years older than DH, I was almost 40 when we met he had just turned 30. when we met I had a 20 year old son and 18 month granddaughter.

21 years later (18 of them married) we became great grandparents last year and grand parents again this year.

Keepingupwiththejonesys Thu 11-Aug-16 23:25:57

sandy I do agree that a 26 year old has more life experience than a 16 year old. I do think it all depends on personal circumstances though. I may have only been 17 but I'd been in my job two year, full time for one (not that long I know but longer than most at that age) I had already moved out of my parents and was doing in house nvqs. Most people my own age where having a 'break' and off on holidays etc, that just wasn't for me. A lot of.my friends where and still are a lot older so I think that's where the assumption from now husband came from that I was older as we met through friends. I guess a lot of people probably where behind our backs saying 'why's he not dating people his own age' well he had, he has a son who is 12 years younger than me but hom and his ex split when he was a baby. He'd then had a year long relationship with an older woman and another relationship with a woman the same age. Both obviously didn't work and.he'd been single for quite some time when we met. Sounds cliché but you really can't help who you fall in love.with x

bert3400 Thu 11-Aug-16 23:30:06

My husband is 11 years younger than me . We have been together for 18 wonderful years .I was 31 divorced with 2 kids when we met , he was 20 . It works amazingly well. We are the envy of our friends, cause we do get on so well and my oldest son said "I wish I could have a relationship like you have with ***. Age is just a number unless there are issues with having children. I am lucky I do not act or look 48 ...unfortunately my husband looks & acts about 45 !! We have 2 beautiful boys together who have made us an even stronger unit . If they are happy ...be happy for them ...life is too bloody short

FayaMAMA Thu 11-Aug-16 23:52:06

My DP is 34 and I'm 24, so we have a similar age gap to the couple in the OP. The only odd thing about our relationship is that I'm 2 years closer in age to his 16 year old son blush but as I already have DC people don't see it as too odd (as most men my age are scared off by 2 DDs).

My older brother's wife is 8 years older than him, and for some reason, it always seemed like a much bigger age gap. Perhaps because he seemed so immature when they met/married (as men in their early 20s generally do). Also, he was being compared to his twin sister at the time. He's 28 now, has been married for almost 7 and has 3 DCs, whereas his twin is also 28 and has been married for 1 year and only recently had her first child. I think it definitely depends on circumstances, maturity and who parents/family/friends have to compare them to!

My step mum is 13 years younger than my dad, too. She acts a lot older so they are very well suited and nobody has ever really questioned it. It was awkward when she became a grandma (step grandma...but we never used the -step part) at 32 shock shock

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