Omg ive just previewed this one and im sorry it is so long!! Thats how complicated my situation is right now. Im just so lost and hurt, i dont know what to do
Last year i split with my ex of 8 years after domestic violence. Have a restraining order against him and haven't seen or spoke to him since then! Nor do i have any desire to. I have a toddler with him and he has made no effort to arrange contact.
I changed my jobs as this was all going on. I met a great group of people on my training and ended up car sharing with one of the girls. I am Bisexual but i was never interested in her like that. She is 5 years younger than me and very confident and good looking. We became best friends. We just clicked.
5 months into car sharing and she started flirting and when we worked in the same area she would stroke my hair and ask for shoulder massages. I found myself suddenly attracted to her and ended up telling her. Surprisingly she said she felt the same and wanted to see what happened. We wanted to keep it between us as we didn't want anyone in work knowing (big time gossiping!). She was the one to tell 2 of our closest work friends.
Then a girl she had been seeing before me came back in the picture and declared her love to her. We had spoken about her before when we were just friends and i knew she was keen on her but it had ended as the other girl said she didnt feel she could trust her as she always got a lot of attention. I found myself watching them texting all the time and ended what we had going and told her she needed to see what happened with the other girl. It lasted 4 weeks.....during this time i was talking to someone else and when she found out she would make remarks and start arguments about it like she was jealous. Always trying to get me to break off contact. When she finished with this other girl i stopped talking to my new interest
Now we were back to spending all our time together. Every day we worked together and she would come to mine after work. She spent a lot of time with my daughter and would suggest day trips for us all the time. Even though we spent so much time together we never fought. But she was adamant she didn't want to be in a relationship.
People at work saw how close we were and would comment that we were like a married couple and we should be together/date each other. Her dad (he didn't know the situation, just that we were best friends) would tell her she should think about giving it a shot with me as we were so close and clearly connected. She used to go on about it all the time and laugh. It was always her who mentioned the comments from work colleagues or her dad
We started to argue about it because i wanted to be more official and i ended up ending it all and tried to cut all contact. She cried on the phone and cried in person when we met up to talk which is completely unlike her. Shes very closed off when it comes to her feelings due to her past (she confided in me about that). She begged me not to walk out of her life as i was the only person she has ever trusted in so much. She said she needed time and she wanted to make it go with me
The next week was horrendous. She was just so moody with me and was clearly making no effort at all. She had joined a local football team and started spending all her time with her other friends that played with them. She would arrange to go out with me and then ignore me all day before i would see on facebook that she had been out with them instead. She couldn't understand why i was so upset about it and called me possessive and a stalker. I tried to explain it was the fact she kept ditching me and ignoring me. I told her she clearly didn't want to be with me and so i would let her have her single life and give it ago with the other girl i had blown off a few months earlier
She said that she had always told me to and thought that was a good idea and it would be good for me. A week later we went out for something to eat and she was acting strange and had this smug look on her face. A look she would have when she was winding me up. She made a comment about biding her time and when i told her to explain she came out with it that she had kissed one of her footy mates and was going to give it a go with her.
I cut all contact at this point. Told her i couldn't deal with it. My heart felt like it had been ripped out. We ended up texting each other some nasty things and stopped talking. I was on leave at work so didn't have to see her. One of our work friends informed me she had changed her status on facebook to being in a relationship with this other girl who she had always told me was never an issue and was only ever a friend. It hurt so much.
Then i went back to work. I felt ill having to see her again and she completely blanked me all day. I was talking to a mutual friend in the staff room and she pulled her headphones out and made some comment about us not stopping talking about her on her accord. She then told me never to speak to her again and stormed out. People at work obviously noticed the distance between us and asked questions and couldn't understand. They said it was obvious we both had feelings for each other.
The next day she came up to me before work and said she didn't want to fight anymore. She said she was sorry for everything she said and sorry she hurt me so much. She wanted to be my friend again but understood that it would take me time. She kept going on about her being my gay best friend and that she was mine but she said the past was the past.
Im just so confused with everything right now and i don't know what she wants. Its like shes playing a massive game. While she was becoming involved with her new girlfriend she was whispering naughty things to me at work and sending me risky pictures! I didn't have a clue. She said this wasn't her cheating as they weren't official. During the big argument she said she could see herself being happy with the new girl as she can see herself falling for her! I thought this was a strange comment. Some people are telling me shes playing me and doesn't care about me while some are saying its obvious she cares and cant be honest with herself and she got with her because i was getting with someone (i didn't in the end).
I just feel so jealous and hurt. I don't know if its because im lonely? Its just me and my little girl. My other friends are all parents and have their family lifes. She is younger and still lives with her parents. Never had any responsibility and can do what she wants when she wants. I cant stop thinking about her. She is off work today and told me she was just going to relax at home but she put a picture up on snapchat of her out with her gf. I don't get why she isn't honest and i feel so sick when i know shes with her. I text her this morning while i was in work and she hasn't replied all day. Yet whenever she was with me she would still reply to all of her mates.
I have never felt like this about anyone before. I am so comfortable with her. I cant talk to her about absolutely anything and she can with me as well. She was attacked a few years ago and this is one of the reasons shes so closed off and she doesn't really like being touched. She only opens herself up to intimacy when shes had something to drink but a few days before she started going off with her football friends she trusted me when she was sober. I took that as being something very special! She even told me herself that was a big thing for her and she never did that with anyone.
If you have read all the above then i am so grateful. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm being pulled in both directions with peoples advice. Last week was horrendous not having her to talk to. I missed my best friend so much. But then i cant deal with her being with someone else. I just have it in my head that they are going to be together a long time. Am i a fool?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
So Confused!
8 replies
CorsaG19 · 07/08/2016 19:20
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.