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I've finally told 'D'H I want out. What do I do now?

(11 Posts)
MarvinKMooney Sun 07-Aug-16 13:28:24

It's all been a bit shaky with dh for 2 or 3 years now. He is prone to sudden outbursts of anger and on occasions has been physically violent - mostly punching doors etc but v occasionally being threatenon towards me.

The last violent occasion happened nearly 2 years go. He promised he would change, took himself to counselling and things were better for a while.

The anger is coming back though and today he was very aggressive towards me in a threatening manner, having cornered me in a room with the door shut and the kids outside. He didn't hit me but I think that is a minor detail.

I want out. I don't love him and I'm scared things will escalate and the kids will also get hurt.

I'm sitting in the park with the kids playing on the swings. I feel sick. What do I do now?

ImperialBlether Sun 07-Aug-16 13:29:58

I think you've made the right decision. Be brave now and follow it through.

Was he aggressive to you when you said you wanted to leave him?

How old are your children?

MarvinKMooney Sun 07-Aug-16 13:34:52

He looked shocked, Tbh. And I think he could tell I meant it. He went into our bedroom and shut the door and later when I was sitting with the kids asked me into the kitchen to talk it through further. I didn't want to because he looked angry - that's when we came to the park.

My kids are 4 and 6.

AnotherEmma Sun 07-Aug-16 13:38:42

What you do now is you call Women's Aid ASAP. He has been violent in the past and he has already become more aggressive. You and your children are in danger. Get advice from Women's Aid about staying safe while you end the relationship.

AnotherEmma Sun 07-Aug-16 13:41:15

The number is 0808 2000 247. Lines are open 24/7. If you don't get through straight away, keep trying.

SandyY2K Sun 07-Aug-16 13:56:00

You shouldn't have to live in fear of him. Stick to your guns and LTB.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 07-Aug-16 13:58:50

Women are at their most vulnerable with an abusive partner when they feel their victim is pulling away. You've already shown your hand so you could be at risk of even worse than you've experienced so far.

Please be in no doubt what danger you could be in.

Is there anyone who could return to the family home with you as protection from him? Just so you can pack a few essential things and go somewhere for a couple of days? And then contact Women Aid when you're safely away from him?

AnotherEmma Sun 07-Aug-16 14:02:15

Don't wait until you've left before contacting Women's Aid. Contact them now. They can offer very practical advice on leaving safely.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Sun 07-Aug-16 14:19:07

It's well known this is the most dangerous time for a women in a violent relationship

What's your plan now op? Please be careful

MarvinKMooney Sun 07-Aug-16 18:10:21

Thank you all for your responses.

We're at home. He's in the office with the door shut and hasn't been seen since his outburst.

I've read advice on various websites which have been helpful.

I still want out but I think we'll be ok in the family home tonight
Please dont get me wrong - I absolutely hear what you're saying - but (once again) he looked shocked at what he had done.

I'm sick of this cycle of anger - remorse - contrite behaviour - making up for his shit. I've had enough. I'd be happier on my own. Neither of us are particularly happy at the moment so I hope we can do this relatively amicably.

MonicaLewinskisFlange Sun 07-Aug-16 22:38:32

Marvin we are in the same boat, you and me. I'm also scared but trying to talk sense to myself. The threat of actual violence to me seems farfetched but I still have a lingering doubt it might occur. I'm not sure whether I should take that doubt seriously or not. It's very disconcerting.
I'm getting the freezing out silent treatment this evening. Which suits me. We need to talk and plan though. Don't know when.

Perhaps we can support each other? chocolate

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