Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

To leave DP at 9 months pregnant?

(23 Posts)
HallaWalla Sun 07-Aug-16 11:27:42

DP and I have been together for 2 years. We got together very soon after we'd both come out of long term relationships.

Our relationship moved very quickly but we also rowed a lot.

I have 3 DC and he has 1 DC.I am due to give birth in 3 week. The baby wasn't planned.

We are going through a really rocky patch at the moment.... He's 7 years younger than me and I'm finding it like looking after another child.

He's passive aggressive, moody, demanding and does no housework, I do all the cooking and cleaning. He earns quite a bit more than me but I'm still expected to pay 2/3 of all the bills as my young DC live with us 4 nights a week.

I'm heavily pregnant and he moans about not having enough sex, that I don't give him enough attention and that I have no empathy.

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I feel bad about myself and cannot stand a moment longer of looking at his miserable face. I've run out of the mental energy to deal with him.

HallaWalla Sun 07-Aug-16 12:24:11

Anyone?

GruffaloPants Sun 07-Aug-16 12:25:17

It doesn't sound like there are many things going for the relationship.

Afreshstartplease Sun 07-Aug-16 12:26:49

Have you told him how he's making you feel?
What were the circumstances of his previous relationship breaking down?

If your not happy then leave / kick him out

Do you have support?

53rdAndBird Sun 07-Aug-16 12:27:04

Don't think you're being unreasonable at all - he sounds awful. So sorry you're going through this.

AskBasil Sun 07-Aug-16 12:28:31

LTB

This is a total no-brainer, he's obviously a total twat

ImperialBlether Sun 07-Aug-16 12:28:59

Whose name is on the lease/mortgage?

He sounds like he'd be more of a hindrance than a help. Why people think doing nothing around the house and moaning about lack of sex will make their partner suddenly rampant, I don't know.

MadameJosephine Sun 07-Aug-16 12:31:30

Obviously only you know the full situation but based on what you e said I'd get rid, life's too short to put up with that kind of crap. I think you'll have enough on your plate with 3dc and a new baby without having to deal with a man child too. It sounds like you'd be better off without him and best to end it now than limp on in a terrible relationship. I actually laughed out loud at his accusation that YOU have no empathy but he is pushing for more sex when you are heavily pregnant!

Best of luck with the birth of your new baby flowers

HallaWalla Sun 07-Aug-16 12:36:29

The mortgage is all in my name.

He left his ex shortly after their DC was born. Lack of sex was one of the reasons, but mainly it was
a pretty toxic partnership by all accounts. She was violent and the police were involved.

I have spoken to him but he just turns it around and says I have no empathy and I always threaten to end it when we row....

My ex and I had a proper adult marriage believe it or not. He wasn't perfect, we had problems but he was laid back (we barely argued), shared housework and was a very hands on father.

No I have no support.

WottyMcWottFace Sun 07-Aug-16 12:37:33

Sorry your having to go through this. Especially with young children and heavily pregnant. You need to put yourself and your children first. Life's to short. Do you have any close family or friends who could support you? flowers

WottyMcWottFace Sun 07-Aug-16 12:39:18

Sorry crossed thread.
I think you know deep down but it's never easy. Took me a long long time to break free but I've never looked back X

HallaWalla Sun 07-Aug-16 12:41:03

No, my mother was angry that I'd left my ex (he had a drink problem) and got together with someone so unsuitable so quickly. She wanted me to get back together with my husband and supported him through the break up. We have no contact. She has made sure her side of the family also have little contact.

My best friend has cancer so a lot on her plate already and other friends don't live close by.

Afreshstartplease Sun 07-Aug-16 12:42:40

If you and he did separate practically could you manage with the birth etc? Is there literally no one?

Viviennemary Sun 07-Aug-16 12:44:37

It doesn't seem if he is contributing very much to this relationship. (That's being kind.) Since you own the house I'd ask him to leave. You could wait and see if he miraculously steps up to the mark when the new baby arrives. But is it likely. You probabably know that better than strangers. If you're walking on eggshells in your situation I'd say call it a day.

HallaWalla Sun 07-Aug-16 12:45:33

I'd be happy to go through the birth alone. I was alone with 3 young DC before we got together and coped. It will be wally hard though.

To add a spanner in the works am supposed to be moving a week before baby's due.

It's such a fucking mess.

DoreenLethal Sun 07-Aug-16 12:47:18

When you say moving, is this to a shared mortgage/tenancy?

SandyY2K Sun 07-Aug-16 12:58:05

Your 9 months pregnant and he's complaining about no sex? Is he dense or something?

Honestly I think you are better off without him. It was a rebound relationship and you can see that now.

He doesn't add a lot of value to your relationship with his demands and unhelpfulness. Stop threatening to end the relationship and just do it. Those constant threats aren't the best thing to do.

It's clear he's a man child, so figure out custody and visitation along with CS in due course and put an end to it with him.

You don't need his additional nonsense.

HallaWalla Sun 07-Aug-16 13:00:12

No, moving to another house I will own, but with a bigger mortgage. Due to exchange on Monday.

MephistoMarley Sun 07-Aug-16 13:00:17

It's a really shitty time to do it (for you) but be real - it's going to happen sooner or later isn't it? So now is as good a time as any

magoria Sun 07-Aug-16 13:02:19

Tell him that when you move he will not be moving into your new house with you.

And stick to it.

ImperialBlether Sun 07-Aug-16 13:18:51

Do you have enough money to pay for people to help you move? Also what will happen if you have the baby before moving in day?

Does he have somewhere he can go to? Not that you should have to worry about that, but it would be easier if he did have somewhere.

DoreenLethal Sun 07-Aug-16 13:29:47

Ok so exchange, complete, move and just don't give him a key.

Shizzlestix Sun 07-Aug-16 14:36:39

Carry on, see if your buyer for your current property will let you postpone completion or if the worst comes to the worst, cancel the sale.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now