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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Husband resents me

77 replies

Agadooo · 06/08/2016 22:58

He ALWAYS makes little digs about me only working part time (2 school age kids) and then when talking about buying some new furniture (which we agreed we definitely need) he said 'you must think money goes on trees and if you want something other than cheap then why don't you go back to work full time and you can have it-money doesn't just appear, I have to work hard for it whilst you just think you can just pick things"-he says things like this ALL THE TIME-so patronising as if I'm a silly little girl. I told him calmy to stop speaking to me like that but he just carries on. I work 3 days and do ALL house things-shopping, cooking, ironing, cleaning, tidying, homework, planning days out/holidays including deciding and booking and packing, baths, hair washing, teeth brushing-EVERTHING whilst he dies nothing In the house ever-never puts dishes in the dishwasher, only in the sink or on the table -he earns way more than me but I hate that he talks to me like a silly girl who doesn't understand money-HATE IT! He thinks I should do everything as I only work 3 days and I don't mind that but do mind the money conversations. Anyone else husbands like this?

OP posts:

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Muddlingthroughtoo · 06/08/2016 23:00

Wow, we must be married to the same man! Annoying isn't it.

Chippednailvarnishing · 06/08/2016 23:01

Nope my isn't anything like that .

Stop cooking for him, doing his laundry, including him in holidays and days out .

orangebird69 · 06/08/2016 23:02

He sounds like a absolute twat. Tell him you'll work ft but he has to then go halves on all household and child duties plus wraparound care for the dc. Knob.

HappyGirlNow · 06/08/2016 23:04

Go back to work full-time then divide all the other stuff between you. Maybe he won't do anything else because you only work 3 days so have 2 more full days a week spare than him?

SocksRock · 06/08/2016 23:05

Nope. Mine isn't like that. He sounds like a utter twat.

We needed a new car, so mine told me to find one I liked and we could afford. Just spent £19k on one and all he said was "please don't drive it into anything every other week like the last one"

DoitotmeSheldon · 06/08/2016 23:05

Wow, nice guy. I'd start cutting back on the housework etc. when he complains just say " Well this house doesn't clean itself does it? I work hard around the housse so you can just come home and sit on your arse!"

SlightlyperturbedOwl · 06/08/2016 23:06

Personally I wouldn't be hanging around if he had that little respect for me, I'm sure he would be much happier with 50:50 parenting in his own place that he would have to do all his own household chores in. But there are probably other things you could try first- like asking which chores he was going to take on if you went back full time.

idontlikealdi · 06/08/2016 23:07

Does he earn enoug to be buying new furniture or is he just a controlling prat? Big difference IMO.

idontlikealdi · 06/08/2016 23:08

Does he earn enough to be buying new furniture or is he just a controlling prat? Big difference IMO.

Agadooo · 06/08/2016 23:12

Even when he was in a sulk last month and didnt speak to me for 9 days I still ironed him a shirt everyday. Mug! Orangebird if I said I was going back f/t I know that I would still do all house n child stuff-he wouldn't notice/care if beds never got changed or bathroom wasnt cleaned or anything and if I even ask him to pick something up at a shop if he was there he always manages to get the wrong thing as pays no attention/interest and then says 'do it yourself then, I don't know why u bother asking me...'

OP posts:

orangebird69 · 06/08/2016 23:15

Why are you with him? LTB. See how much money he has to spend then....

Chippednailvarnishing · 06/08/2016 23:15

So why are you with him?

You realise that you are enabling his behaviour?

Agadooo · 06/08/2016 23:16

Yes he earns enough for new furniture-it's a sofa we need-ours got broken last week and have had it 15 years. 'Happy girl'-I accept doing everything in my 2 days off and NEVER ask him to do anything re house/children just don't like the way he speaks about money

OP posts:

Nellyphants · 06/08/2016 23:17

Well you only work 3 days? You sit around drinking champagne the rest of the time? Poor poppet is out working hard?

pinkyredrose · 06/08/2016 23:18

Why are you with him? How can you bear to have sex with him when he treats you with such contempt? Is this how you'd like your DC to treat you? Or thier partners when they're older? Because that may happen, that is the relationship model.they're growing up.with.

Agadooo · 06/08/2016 23:21

Yes I know I'm enabling his behaviour-he's never had to do anything for himself -mum did everything then lived with me and I did it-don't know why and 15 years later I'm still doing it-am with him as we have kids and he would make it so difficult if I said I wanted to leave. 😞

OP posts:

Ineversaid16 · 06/08/2016 23:23

Same, I am going back to work full-time and have stated that we will have a cleaner twice a week. Shame as I feel the kids need me, but it seems to be what most men expect now. Equal rights.

NameChange30 · 06/08/2016 23:24

Red flags are waving. OP, please could you look at these signs of emotional abuse and tell us how many he does?
You might also find it useful to read the abuser profiles.

Chippednailvarnishing · 06/08/2016 23:25

Then start making plans to be financially independent, get yourself sorted and leave him.

Agadooo · 06/08/2016 23:26

Pink rose-I don't like having sex with him-I think that's a problem too as he hints about it and asks if I'm up for It and I say no so then he sulks and the circle continues-we're not matched libido wise and I guess that's also a problem. We only kiss during sex and can't remember last time we said I love you.

OP posts:

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/08/2016 23:28

He sounds like a piece of shit.

Teach your kids to respect themselves and others by ending this excuse for a relationship.

pinkyredrose · 06/08/2016 23:30

Do.you want this to be your life forever? Because I really don't think your husband likes you all that much. And your DC are learning that women do everything, men do fuck all.

I couldn't sleep next to someone who treated me so badly, I wouldn't be able to relax knowing how much they resented and despised me.

I'd really start plans to divorce if I were you. Let him make it hard, so what. It'll only reinforce to you that you're doing the right thing.

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Agadooo · 06/08/2016 23:31

Id say only 7 emma.

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 06/08/2016 23:32

Only 7?!!!!

You do realise 7 is far too many, right?!

NameChange30 · 06/08/2016 23:33

I suggest you read "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft and call Women's Aid.
Oh and talk to someone close to you; mum, sister, best friend - anyone who will be supportive.

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