My mum was a bad mum, not always abusive but bad.
I get on quite well with my mum now but sometimes all my memories of things she's done make me feel so much hate towards her. I feel rage it's almost uncontrollable, to the point where I want her to have nothing to do with me and my daughter... But I live with my mum and have been for almost a year now.. I am very dependant on her atm, she helps me a lot.
I have memories, mostly of watching her beat my older brother in fits of rage for no reason, starting when he was only 4/5 and I see how depressed he still gets now in his late 20's.. But she has nothing to say to him ever.
I contemplate addressing things with her? I can't look her in the eye sometimes. I think she is delusional as she will mention things about her parenting style when we were younger and every-time she does this I tell her "I have a very clear memory of our childhood" ...to which she changes subject. I also make statements about how I will never lay a hand on my child, she changes the subject again. Why will she never say anything, she knows that I remember, she see's how depressed my brother is about it but she never says anything. My brother came to my mums at Christmas, he went out on Christmas eve, came back late in the night drunk and wrote on my mums chalkboard about what she did to him. She ignored it.. I don't understand it and sometimes wonder if she is just crazy? and maybe I just need to move on and put it the back of my head now? I feel almost certain that if my mum made some attempt at acknowledging some of the things she did to my brother and letting him know that it was not his fault in any way, that it would change so much for him. He is a high achiever, one of the most intelligent people you could ever meet but he is constantly struggling to get over his feelings about his childhood which was either physically abusive or neglectful and it holds him back.
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why will my mum never admit or address what she did to us as children
21 replies
Danity856 · 05/08/2016 21:30
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