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Am I a nag?

(16 Posts)
AlwaysNeverOnTime Fri 05-Aug-16 15:00:20

So we've been together 7 years and have two young DC and recently I've started to realise that we just never talk to each other. DH works long hours. Will often be out of the house 14 hours a day so I know he is tired. But still don't think this is an excuse. I work full time plus do 100% cleaning cooking and kid stuff as most days he leaves before they wake up and gets in after they've gone to bed. That's fine. Anyway.

Last month I had a chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage and it affected me much really badly. DH wasn't too supportive and I'm one of those people who needs to talk about my feelings. DH is not and couldnt understand why I wanted to keep talking about it. (I mean when it first happened. I don't mention it to him now) obviously I wanted to start up the conversation of if we were going to try for another baby but trying to get a conversation out of him, let alone a decision, was like trying to get blood from a stone. Again, he couldn't understand why I wanted to talk about it.

Another example. We've never been on holiday. We can afford it easily. But trying to pin him down to when he's going to be able to have time off work is impossible. He just kept saying we would talk about it later. Later never came. We were meant to go away for the weekend a few months ago so I booked the time off work and everything but then he never got Round to booking time off work so we couldn't go.

There's a thing we need to go to in a few weeks and I kept trying to talk to him about it but as usual he was on his phone,messing about on it and not giving me his attention, so I went ahead and made arrangements by myself. Anyway. I told him what id arranged and he had the nerve to ask me when I was going to talk to him about it! hmm

I'm getting sick of just talking to myself all the time and his inability to make a decision. I probably am a nag but if he just answered me the first time, I wouldn't have to be. The other night I didn't say anything to him to see if he would talk to me. Surprise surprise, he didn't say one word to me.

Missgraeme Fri 05-Aug-16 15:02:43

He sounds like a teenage ds not your dh!! My friend told me if I want things to happen I have to make them happen!! Book a holiday! Pack the cases! Take charge!!

BapsOfSteel Fri 05-Aug-16 15:03:09

No. You're not. He's a bellend. Start making plans without him.

I've booked a holiday, if you want to go you need to get abc dates off.

I want a baby, if you don't want one use a condom.

ChicagoDoll Fri 05-Aug-16 15:03:44

Christ that sounds awful.
I hate the word nag- reckon it was invented by men to shame a woman into stop talking

BapsOfSteel Fri 05-Aug-16 15:03:59

You'd probably be better off not having a baby with him though tbh

ChicagoDoll Fri 05-Aug-16 15:05:43

And don't start doing everything yourself - I did that and I ended up losing all respect for him because it was like having another child around

Have it out with him. You're equal adults and he needs to start communicating with you and pulling his weight or its over

YabuDabbaDoo Fri 05-Aug-16 15:05:57

My stbxh was like this. We separated 2 years ago and I have been so much happier. I will PM you the thread that ran at the time, it started a little bit like this one but 2 years later I was out of there! (was under a former username)

AlwaysNeverOnTime Fri 05-Aug-16 15:08:44

The thing is, I tried to talk to him about it. You can imagine how that conversation went angry

I decided against another baby myself. it wasn't until the chemical pregnancy that I really started to realise how bad things were.

YabuDabbaDoo Fri 05-Aug-16 15:28:42

I can't work out how to PM on the phone app, sorry! Basically I want from trying to figure out where I was going wrong to realising I was actually fine, just too tolerant.

AlwaysNeverOnTime Fri 05-Aug-16 15:28:50

Please do send the link to your thread yabudabbadoo. Thank you

YabuDabbaDoo Fri 05-Aug-16 16:25:56

Found it! I should pop back in and give an update really.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1093684-Can-we-have-a-support-thread-for-those-who-reluctantly-wear-the-trousers-in-their-relationship

AlwaysNeverOnTime Fri 05-Aug-16 17:59:14

Thank you. Will read through now.

newworldnow Fri 05-Aug-16 19:00:27

Seems to me that he zoned out of your relationship so that you are white noise. Nasty

AlwaysNeverOnTime Fri 05-Aug-16 19:32:05

White noise is exactly how I feel.

DeepGreen76 Fri 05-Aug-16 21:25:47

No you are absolutely not a nag. Have had years of this and am now separating as don't want to feel like mother to a teenager any more. Behaving like this is how he gets everything his way.

AlwaysNeverOnTime Sun 07-Aug-16 09:59:56

I think I'm just bored with my life and just need to get a hobby or something. It's difficult to do anything though with the hours DH works.

I love DH but I just don't want this to be my life for the next 40+ years! I'm not even 30!

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