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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

The lies you had and lived with while your DP/H cheated

34 replies

Halfwayoranges · 05/08/2016 14:22

Thinking back to my ex and how he's made me so suspicious of men.

What was the worst lie you later uncovered?

OP posts:

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ChicagoDoll · 05/08/2016 14:25

Secret fb page

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ravenmum · 05/08/2016 14:37

Hmm, so many to choose from!

The one that struck me as the cheekiest was saying he was going to Russia on business, when in fact he was taking his second holiday with the OW, to my home country, telling her that he was really excited to see the place she had lived for several years, where I was born and which we'd visited together regularly.

Also telling me that the woman who came to our barbecue one year was just a work colleague. Having her in our home apparently got him very excited.

Mostly, though, telling other people that I spent the whole time moaning about living in his country, made him feel guilty about it and was planning to move back to the UK. In fact he came to me saying he felt bad about it and I told him not to feel guilty as I didn't come here because of him. He also tried to get me to go home for a while, and I laughed in his face wondering who would look after the kids if I did.

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Missgraeme · 05/08/2016 14:39

My ex telling me we were always skint coz all our money went on my kids. I had to borrow to pay bills etc from family at times. He was working all hours on min wage blah blah (I worked pt) found out a year later he was on a canny wage - just hasn't told me the truth. Filed for divorce.

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Lily405 · 05/08/2016 14:56

Drove him to the airport to attend a wedding as another woman's date. He repeatedly promised that she was just a friend of 10 years and nothing had ever happened. Several of his friends were also going so I believed him when he said that he wanted to see all of them. He stayed at her family's house, met all of them, and went as her date. I got dressed up, picked him up at the airport so he wouldn't be inconvenienced, and was excited to see him. Turns out that he slept with her and had previously during our relationship. He never told me.

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Improvisingnow · 05/08/2016 15:32

My exH delighted in introducing OW to our mutual friends (none of whom apparently felt able to say anything to me ) and sneaking her into our house. He even got her round to our house with her daughter whilst I was out and he was looking after our youngest, introduced her as a friend, cooked lunch for her and got the to children to play together. He obviously got a kick out of pissing on his own doorstep.

Based on that behaviour I'm sure he must have also shagged her in our bed. I've replaced it now he's gone.

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FreeFromHarm · 05/08/2016 16:24

So many do not know where to start.
Infected me with life threatening std's and lied about being tested saying he was clear
Said he had a business call during labour and he was talking to another woman on his mobile .....
Lied about cheating on his previous partner to gain my trust
Lied to about everything really

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FreeFromHarm · 05/08/2016 16:27

Improv...my X did that to me several times, got a kick of introducing his bit on the sides to me ... The last one Was all over him .... But being the mug listened to it .... For far to long

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GothyGeisha · 05/08/2016 17:51

Taking my four day old DS4 downstairs for the night, so I could get some sleep, first time ever with all four children. He sneaked out to meet other woman to show off his new baby.

Scum.

Will never forgive that, ever.

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FreeFromHarm · 05/08/2016 18:13

Scumbag that is for sure !!!

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seahorse106 · 05/08/2016 18:20

My ex apparently left his wallet at a shop and went out to get it back and was gone for 2 hours! When he came back he gave me some silly story about it being locked in the safe etc
A few weeks later he was telling some mutual friends the story but said it was in the glove box all along.

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newworldnow · 05/08/2016 18:27

Where to start?
Worse was using me going out with the kids somewhere( so he knew I was busy) to visit the local brothel.(20 years)
You know the type: quiet shy moral high ground butter wouldn't melt victim
when actually he was a cunt.

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smilingeyes11 · 05/08/2016 18:29

told me he was going to visit a parent's grave for the weekend - took ow away for the weekend to a totally different location.

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mineofuselessinformation · 05/08/2016 18:38

The need to drive to a hairdressers near his mother's to get his hair cut - and the need to stay the whole day to visit his mother (really the OW).
Yes, I was a mug.

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Dowser · 05/08/2016 18:55

I might just win the prize on this one...although there are some right corkers here

My ex used to take our little baby grandson, our first, my pride and joy who lived with us away every weekend...when we were having ' problems'.

He showed me a picture of my boy playing with a slightly older boy. I never asked . In fact I still have the photo.

He told me he was going camping with his mate graham ( no name change) and his son as they'd had a new baby and it was to give his wife a bit of peace.

Remember i never asked for any of this info. He told me there wasn't another woman and I believed him.

It was his guilty conscience talking. He used to go with the ow and her son in her trailer tent. I later found out.

I never saw my grandson from Thursday morning till Monday morning because of his lying toe rag ways.

I will never forgive him for that.

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Cabrinha · 05/08/2016 19:09

"I was looking for a place to park outside KFC" when he received a letter from the police warning him off for kerb crawling. That was a corker!

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Weeteeny · 05/08/2016 19:54

where to start?
taking his new OW on holiday for a week and introducing her to my SDS, whilst telling me he was a golfing trip
flying to Germany to see a woman he met whilst we were on holiday ,telling me it was a work trip and he just happened to bump into her.
The months spent trying to talk me out of divorcing him (which fell on deaf ears anyway) - then I read an email he sent to his pal friend telling him he was "considering his options". Incuding which OW he would fall back in with should I actually go through with it.

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Halfwayoranges · 05/08/2016 19:54

Wow! Some of these are awful!!!

How did you find out they were cheating? I'm scared of not realising again.

OP posts:

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DisneySenior · 05/08/2016 20:07

I caught dp cheating several times throughout our 7 years together.

The worst two that still hurt are about a year into our relationship he was out at the pub and told me he was getting the last bus to mine. He arrived about midnight and was acting strangely, switched his phone off and said it had died but wouldn't charge it up. A few weeks later he was using Facebook on my laptop and left it logged in. A message came through from his friends wife saying she was pregnant, he was the father and she was going for an abortion. I hit the roof and went through both of them but to this day i haven't told her husband because he has been through too much. I stupidly stayed with him.

Fast forward a few years and several women later, i had just given birth to dd2 and he told me he was going to his friends birthday night out in a neighbouring town.I wasn't happy about it because I didn't like this friend but he said he was going to stay over and he would be back in the morning.

I was hormonal, tired, stressed and couldn't be arsed arguing so off he went.

Fast forward a few weeks and his phone was going off like mad through the night. I opened the messages to find a string of WhatsApp messages between him and another woman who is friends with the friend he stayed with. Turns out they didn't go out, stayed in and he spent all night shagging her in their spare room while I was at home with a newborn feeling like shit. He still tried to deny it even though I had seen the messages.

I lasted another 2 years (i know) with him and finally kicked him out when he drove 50 miles to shag his ex and get money from her.

He was a prick

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KatsutheClockworkOctopus · 05/08/2016 20:10

Happened to "bump into" OW on a walk with our son. Funnily enough on a day when I was working away so no chance of me being there too. I was angry about her, but incandescent that he'd involved DS. I've never been able to forgive that part.

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Weeteeny · 05/08/2016 20:39

How did I find out? Ex was an excellent and manipulative liar. Gut feeling - always trust your gut feeling.

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FreeFromHarm · 05/08/2016 20:57

Weeteeny has got that bang on, always trust you gut instinct , wish I did !!

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macromolecule · 05/08/2016 21:23

My ex husband tried to persuade me to let OW move into our house as she'd been kicked out by her parents. I wasn't having any of it as I couldn't stand the girl, even before I found out. He really was a worm.

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Lily405 · 05/08/2016 21:28

I'd third the gut instinct although it can be hard if you have had a partner who cheated in the past. I ignored mine though and eventually found out from his best friend and forced the rest out of him over the course of a night. I think he still believes his friend "accidentally" let it slip. I however think his friend felt he was scum.

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whirlygirly · 05/08/2016 21:30

When my lovely grandad died, Xh was uber helpful and made all the arrangements for me to fly off to the funeral. I found out several months later that ow had stayed that weekend in my house.
The dcs were there but would have been too small to tell me. I'm still livid about that one years on.

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Dowser · 05/08/2016 21:37

That's if you had a gut feeling. There was literally nothing to suggest that he had had ow/ women.

Lying evil toe rag.

When he died ( was only a bit sad over what might/ should have been) the other 95 per cent was relieved in ever had to bump into him again at family occasions....like grandchildrens birthday parties.

My only regret was that my mum ( who's been solid as a rock) was so far gone in her dementia I was not able to tell her that not only did she outlive him , it all came right for me too.