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Am I right to be suspicious?

(84 Posts)
WillIEverBeASizeTen Thu 04-Aug-16 22:16:42

Went out to the pub with DP tonight (we don't live together). It's his DD birthday soon and having a party.. Was showing me some photos of food he was going to buy, the next thing, he'd swiped onto a pic of a pretty young woman in a vest top, it was all so quick. Anyway he quickly swiped it away as I asked who was it. He was very flustered and said "oh that's them in the what's app group sending pics" (his male hobby group)

I said nothing for around an hour then asked him about the pic, again he looked flustered, but recited the same story. I asked to see the pic and the WA thread and he flatly refused, categorically refused to show me.

Am I wrong to ask him this?

Resilience16 Thu 04-Aug-16 22:21:25

Go with your gut, it's usually right

0dfod Thu 04-Aug-16 22:22:25

You are not wrong to ask, he had given you an answer by his refusal to show you.

His behaviour over this does not come over as trustworthy or honest.

FreeFromHarm Thu 04-Aug-16 22:25:07

Trust your instincts

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Thu 04-Aug-16 22:30:18

What's the hobby?

WhimsicalWinnifred Thu 04-Aug-16 22:34:19

Hmm go with your gut and it is a very defensive reaction but I do know a few men who take the "well she should believe me anyway" stance. Their relationships obviously fail in other areas like maturity and reasoning...

They do save to your phone tho n it really posses me off...

SandyY2K Thu 04-Aug-16 22:35:11

It could just be male banter, but YANBU to feel suspicious.

Perhaps they chat about women sexually and he didn't want you to see it.

HughLauriesStubble Thu 04-Aug-16 22:36:26

Tbh, it could be genuine. I'd imagine a male hobby group might carry a bit of banter. You dp might have been flustered because he knew how suspicious it looked, and may have been unwilling to show you the thread because of what his comments might have been.

SarahOnfire Thu 04-Aug-16 22:49:39

Hmm tricky one.

Even if you are suspicious, he's not going to tell you any more than he already has tonight. So I don't think you'll finish your relationship based on a hunch.

I would just go about your relationship in an every day manner & if you think there's more funny business going on, push him on it.. You'll soon see other signs.

But you can't finish with him for a hunch really.

Also going down the 'looking through phone route' always ends in tears.. Not that you were suggesting it.. But I guess can feel natural in situations like this.

How is everything with you two despite this?!

WillIEverBeASizeTen Thu 04-Aug-16 22:51:50

Mum..the hobby is golf and yes there is sexual banter and crude photos sent between the group. I know this because he's actually shown me some before.

Background..an incident last year resulted in me asking him to prove something on his phone, he FLATLY refused. I let it go then..I don't think I can let this go..

WillIEverBeASizeTen Thu 04-Aug-16 22:56:35

I don't know his password or want to. He does his thing with his phone..that's fine. And rude pics are what I would expect from male banter groups, not pretty (normal) young women. No.. I think it's 'trust the gut'

WillIEverBeASizeTen Thu 04-Aug-16 23:00:10

He couldn't remember when he'd seen the pic. I said it must have been recent as the food pics were taken today.. He said "no they are random, not in date order" I disagree..my iPhone pics are always in date order, is this correct?

YouAreMyRain Thu 04-Aug-16 23:08:16

Yes date order

HappyGirlNow Thu 04-Aug-16 23:12:23

Yes date order.. But if someone sends you a photo via whatsapp it does automatically save in your photos on your phone..

PollyCazaletWannabe Thu 04-Aug-16 23:15:00

He is lying about the date order sad this seems suspicious to me. Sorry OP

Cabrinha Thu 04-Aug-16 23:20:05

Yes to date order.
So he has form for something.
And come on, why would someone who cares about you not show you?
Fair enough if they want to express that they are hurt. If I told my fiancé that a photo was related to a conversation and he wanted reassurance I would be hurt. But I'd damn well show him!

To the PP who says you can't dump someone over a hunch... Yes, you can.

Cabrinha Thu 04-Aug-16 23:20:40

(although OP has more than a hunch - she has past form and another refusal to show the truth)

WillIEverBeASizeTen Thu 04-Aug-16 23:22:55

I don't have a problem with the sexual banter between blokes, but if it was a whatsapp thread then just show me or at least explain it! But no explanation or reassurance at all.

I don't want to go through his phone, just show me the pic is innocent that's all. Says I should trust him...famous last words..

WillIEverBeASizeTen Thu 04-Aug-16 23:25:22

Cabrinha.. If the roles were reversed I'd have no issue with showing something innocent. In fact I'd go out of my way to do it.

SarahOnfire Thu 04-Aug-16 23:25:34

Well he's lied about date order & as you have previous experience of this with him I would give him ultimatum.. Ask him to show you or you'll break things off? Sounds like he's hiding sthg or embarrassed about sthg.. Needs to be honest in a relationship..

justfortheperks Thu 04-Aug-16 23:26:23

My feeling would be that the best case scenario is he's made some lewd comments about this girl in his "male banter group" (which sounds charming by the way..). As for the worst... he's saved it from a girl's social media profile or she's sent it to him herself. Either way, you have a right to know because his story doesn't add up. Hiding the Whatsapp thread and then insisting that you need to trust him doesn't really wash.

WillIEverBeASizeTen Thu 04-Aug-16 23:30:03

Last year I gave him that ultimatum and he still wouldn't show me. I let him get round me, I'm not prepared to do that again. He either shows me or it really is over. He has most probably deleted all trace now anyway..

Cabrinha Thu 04-Aug-16 23:33:05

If my boyfriend repeatedly asked me to prove myself when there was nothing suspicious, there'd come a point (possibly after therapy, if it was genuine issues not arseholery) when I would say no.

Up until that break point? I'd just show him the bloody phone!

It's not the first time. This isn't some woo hunch - this is your common sense!

WillIEverBeASizeTen Thu 04-Aug-16 23:35:20

Just..he has shown lewd comments and rude pics from this group. Disgusting I know, and maybe I was naive to think he wasn't one doing it..foolish..but this pic was just not the kind associated with 'lewd' comments.

WillIEverBeASizeTen Thu 04-Aug-16 23:37:15

I never ask to see his phone. To be honest I'm too old and too busy for that crap, but when something is in your face..that's very different

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