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Help! Boyfriend advice!!

(147 Posts)
chelsm93 Tue 02-Aug-16 13:39:06

Ok, so I've recently started seeing someone new. We were having a chat the other night and he asked me to be honest with him about a few things from my past. I went on a girls holiday a few years ago (way before I met him) and I had sex with a few people. I was young and stupid... I recently came out of a relationship and lost my way a little bit. He caused a big argument about how many people I've slept with and about what I did on holiday. I understand it probably wasn't nice to know what I did but in my eyes the past is the past. On the night of the argument we seemed ok again and then ended up having sex. He went home and then told me he was still upset about what he found out!!! 3 days on he's STILL going on about it. I've apologised for upsetting him and explained I wouldn't even think about doing anything like that again I was young. I just don't know what else I'm meant to do!!! I've told him if he doesn't want to be with me that's fine just stop dragging it on. I've told him how I feel and that I want to be with him but I can't make him. On the same night I asked him to hold my daughter (not his baby) and he made a comment saying he's not a babysitter which upset me but I didn't say anything about it :/

DelphiniumBlue Tue 02-Aug-16 13:44:10

He's a knob. Get rid.

Bananalanacake Tue 02-Aug-16 13:44:25

He sounds controlling already, hopefully someone with more experience can advise you soon, but he shouldn't have a problem with stuff you've done before you met him, you can't change it.

SusieQwhereareyou Tue 02-Aug-16 13:46:37

Why did you have to "be honest" about things in the past before you met him? It's always difficult to know how open to be. asking questions like that is dangerous because you don't know how it will feel if you get answers you don't like. My boyfriend is very honest and if I ask him a direct question will answer it - I have found out some things I would rather not, but I can only blame my own nosiness. He on the other hand doesn't want to know anything about my past, and so he doesn't ask. To him, all that matters is the here and now.

You don't have to apologise for things you have done in the past, and he shouldn't be making you feel so bad. If he has a problem, it is his problem, and if he is going to constantly drag it up and make future accusations etc, cut your losses now.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 02-Aug-16 13:52:00

He is not good for you OP, he really is not. His behaviours are all red flags. He needs to be gone from your life, he is being highly manipulative here towards you.

Pearlman Tue 02-Aug-16 13:52:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

memyselfandaye Tue 02-Aug-16 13:54:13

Get rid, you don't have to justify anything to him.

Do not let this dickhead be a presence in your child's life.

vickygreen2000 Tue 02-Aug-16 13:59:35

Definitely. Wanker. Get rid!

Morasssassafras Tue 02-Aug-16 14:00:56

You have nothing to apologise to him for.

His behaviour would be a deal breaker for me.

DrMorbius Tue 02-Aug-16 14:02:36

There's an old Russian proverb Op if three people tell you , you are ill, go and see a doctor

Don't ignore the advice of the pp's Op, you will regret it.

DrMorbius Tue 02-Aug-16 14:02:55

There's an old Russian proverb Op if three people tell you , you are ill, go and see a doctor

Don't ignore the advice of the pp's Op, you will regret it.

chelsm93 Tue 02-Aug-16 14:02:57

I think I just needed to hear this from others! Thank you. I've already told him to get over it or leave. I've said to him everyone has a past and we all make mistakes. I'd like to add he's slept with a lot more people than me blush so he's one to talk lol. Any other time he's been so lovely and he just won't leave this and move on!

DrMorbius Tue 02-Aug-16 14:08:27

I've already told him to get over it or leave

That's putting the ball in his court. Personally from your posts Op, I think you should bin him. There are more than enough red flags flying here.

magoria Tue 02-Aug-16 14:08:29

He is showing you how this is going to be already.

He can do what he wants but if you have done the same it is not acceptable.

Why would you want a relationship like that for any longer?

Throw in the bit about your DC too and it makes him sound even more of a knob.

Get rid.

Hillfarmer Tue 02-Aug-16 14:08:45

He's nasty and a hypocrite to boot!

princessmi12 Tue 02-Aug-16 14:12:03

DrMorbius
Never heard of this Russian proverbconfused (grew up in USSR)

OP
Even if disregard first issue about the past,on the basis of him telling you he's not a babysitter for your child,you should dump him immediately. You can't plan anything longterm with someone who ever said it to you.

blessedmummyov5 Tue 02-Aug-16 14:12:18

Just like to point out u have said a few times that they were mistakes n ur sorry for them I'd like to point out if u were single and safe then that was u having fun and you should never apologise for that iv slept with quite a few men and women when iv been single don't regret nething as I was single and safe n having fun I then found the one and we now have 5 kids and r settled ....... Get rid of this fool for ur own sake he sounds very controlling xx

DraenorQueen Tue 02-Aug-16 14:13:20

Why are you apologising?? And why are you calling these holiday men "mistakes?" You were single FFS. Thi man sounds like a total wanker and even if he did decide to "get over it" I wouldn't want him anywhere near me, the hypocritical wanker.

Finola1step Tue 02-Aug-16 14:15:34

He's a prick. And a judgemental hypocrite. Who I now showing you his true colours. Red flags are waving tall and strong here OP. Dump him. Quick.

chelsm93 Tue 02-Aug-16 14:17:02

I think I have shed him in a bad light here Ha! This is the first thing we have argued about, ever. I'm not defending him but it's obviously upset him. He keeps saying it sounds like I used to be a slag and he's been with slags before and now he wants something serious... It's like he doesn't understand that just because I've done things in the past doesn't mean I'm going to do it now or in the future.

I do regret what I did on holiday. I don't really want to go into too much detail about it. But I wasn't very nice.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere Tue 02-Aug-16 14:17:12

Hang on, he's angry because you had sex. With someone else? Before you met him?
Why are you saying this was a mistake?
And he's slept with more people than you? I'd be raging. Hypocritical wankstain.

He thinking holding your DC is babysitting?

What a waste of skin.
Fuck. Him. Off.

chelsm93 Tue 02-Aug-16 14:19:36

He's angry because I slept with 3 people on holiday in a week. He's angry because one was a holiday rep... He says reps will sleep with anything that moves and the other was a twin and my friend slept with the other twin!

SwearyGodmother Tue 02-Aug-16 14:20:06

He calls people slags? That's enough of a reason to dump him on its own. Slag is an outdated horrifically judgmental word used to keep women in their place. He's a wankbadger of the highest order.

LewisAndClark Tue 02-Aug-16 14:20:53

He's a nasty misogynist.

It is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS who you've slept with in the past.

Please dump him, this will only get worse.

Toffeelatteplease Tue 02-Aug-16 14:25:12

it was in the past and seriously a very minor thing. not bad in the slightest.

he'said a dick. Nothing to do with the way you have presented him. You have done nothing wrong either now or then. he just is a class 1 prat

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