previous thread
[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2689969-I-am-sure-I-did-the-right-thing-but-marriage-might-be-over?msgid=62582457]
Hopefully that link worked...
So it all kicked off again the last few days. DD and DS started a bit of an agument - she asked him politely not to do something that was triggering her anxiety. he said no. She asked him to just stop for a short while and he again refused and began to accuse her of not taking responsibility for her problems.
At this point DH and I intervened - but H took it as a chance to tell DD she was failing in her communication, that she needs to recognise the impact she has on the family. DS agreed and then H asked me to say how I felt. Then turned to me as if to say "come on...back me up here - that's how you prove you are a proper co-parent". Essentially it became a chance for everyone to have a go at dd. She disintegrated into shouting and crying and shaking. She couldn't understand how she was such a bad person. This went on for at least 30min with dh doing almost all the talking.
Some of what was said was fair - but it was 3 against one and it felt like bullying. I was silent most of the time - until H began telling her to end the conversation and asking her if she would like us to stop and talk about it another time. She said she didn't know and genuinely had o idea what was happening to her. it was awful.
I just bundled her into another room and got her away from it. I was then told off by H as he didn't think it was helpful - but my ds backed me up and pointed out to him that dd needed calming down and I was the person who could do it.
Since then - dd stayed in her room for 36 hours. refused to eat and only this morning has emerged for a drink and snack.
I have told H it is over. That I can't expose our dd to this any longer. he says I am wrong but that I should do whatever I want.
I feel i let her down. I was scared to voice what I was seeing and the injustice and tried to get her to see the good points we were making. I didn't realise until much later that the whole thing was engineered to be a chance to bully her.
Now for the weird bits. Today he sent all of us (the kids too) a link to a you tube video of some Indian guru talking about how important it is to feel sure of yourself and not to let outside stuff affect your behaviour etc. just some waffle to be honest.
He said in his email to all of us that he is so happy to have finally gotten to this point in his life and how it has been a long journey - but he is so happy and excited for the future.
DD asked if he had become a buddhist or something. She and I are incredulous.
He also asked me to read a section of a book this morning which essentially told me I am an over protective mother.
My head is in a whirl. I honestly don't know what to think. he bombards us with psychobabble and it is almost starting to feel pyschopathic. (I don't know if that is the right word - sorry). But it feels wrong and abusive and now he is happy to share his insights with the kids as well as me.
The fact is that I am leaving. but before then, we go on holiday which cannot be rearranged. I just need to get through that.
I have decided to take out a loan to cover the initial costs of a rental then just see what can be done after that to sell the house. But getting myself and DD (and ds if he wants) away from this damaging environment has to be the priority.
DH wants me to think about the fact that DS will see this as me taking DD away and leaving him behind. He wants me to take the time to sort it out properly, but i feel like I can't live here a moment longer. it is a toxic environment. Will I destroy my son (17) for life if i just leave and give him the option of coming or staying...the longer I leave this the higher the chance H will talk me round or make me think I should stay for the kids.
My head is mush...
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Things get even weirder - now feel quite worried
rememberthetime · 02/08/2016 12:25
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.