Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

New man anxiety

(11 Posts)
thestamp Tue 02-Aug-16 01:03:22

So it's been 7 months now. I've honestly tried so hard to keep it casual because my marriage only ended lateish last year. But we see each other at least 3 times a week, 2 of which are sleepovers. Lovely dinners, presents, snuggling up and snogging, very intimate (I tried so hard to make it only sex!!)

This last weekend he was away with friends and he told me that he was missing me too much (has never said "I miss you" before! I didn't know what to say). He cut his long weekend short to come back to see me for a few hours. He had to go home and now we're texting nonsense to each other because we're basically missing each other I suppose. We're going away together next month, just for a few nights, and I am ridiculously excited about it.

I feel like a stupid teenager. It snuck up on me. It was just meant to be sex ffs!!

I have little children and he has none, and I don't know if I can manage any more (he's not sure if he wants his own). He is lovely, high earning professional, social, a real catch and I just think.... God, how is this going to work out? He hasn't met my DC... I just feel so stigmatized and less-than, I'm a single mum and can't offer him anything simple or easy. I do think I'm a catch too - for example we earn similar amounts so it's not like I ask anything of him - but I just feel that he could find a much easier situation... not sure if that makes sense...

Do things like this really work out? Should I just leave it and let it develop as it will... I suppose I'm scared by how I feel and want to DO something, but probably there's nothing to do. I can't even imagine how I'd talk about this with him...

I feel very complicated! confused

Someone give me a slap. Or tell me how not to worry about this! I've been feeling so in control and smug, that's evaporated now and I think I'm shitting myself basically... fuck.

RedMapleLeaf Tue 02-Aug-16 08:05:23

Deep breath. Don't be in a hurry to rush this forward or to put a label on it. Just relax and let the relationship unfold. Enjoy it.

You seem to put a lot at his door, and I think that your worries say more about what you think about yourself than what he does (unless he's told you that you have little to offer him).

TheNaze73 Tue 02-Aug-16 08:17:21

Well said RedMaple

Just look no further than the next date & enjoy it.

daydreamnation Tue 02-Aug-16 08:29:16

I second just taking it one day at a time. I was in your shoes 8 years ago, got into the most stomach churning, all consuming passionate relationship with someone very soon after my dh left. It wasn't meant to be serious, my dc were young, he had none and I felt like I had two totally (and very different!) lives!
I really wasn't a catch, I had been left in debt by ex dh and also 11 year's older than my new dp.
What I regret is over thinking it all, it was such an amazing time and I realise now that my only worry should have been the practicalities of if and when to introduce him to my dc.
Life is full of surprises. I'm now married to him, never in a million years was that what I expected grin

Missgraeme Tue 02-Aug-16 08:39:27

I had only been split from my ex 4 months, met a man 10 years younger in a wine bar on a Saturday night - never had a night apart since that night!! He had a top job, own house, few cars, I had TEN KIDS!! We have a fab marriage and a baby now!! Life is so full of surprises for sure! May u are just ready for one too?!

RebelRobin Tue 02-Aug-16 09:09:44

Try not to stress too much. Having little ones is a bonus as they adapt far better than pre-teens. Enjoy the loveliness of having a new man around.

thestamp Tue 02-Aug-16 17:06:55

I know I know I just need to calm the fuck down! You know how you think you know how things are going to go, and then they fucking don't go that way??? Argh! Even when they go well it somehow feels stressful...

I think that your worries say more about what you think about yourself than what he does

You're probably right! He's never batted an eye at my situation (I've been honest about it all) but sometimes I wonder if it's because he doesn't see any real potential so why should he be worried about what I have to offer... but then... who knows, if he thought that of me, he's horrible, which means he probably wouldn't admit it to me if I asked anyway, lol. So all I can do is let it happen.

I'm really comforted to hear that others have had a happy outcome... life really is full of surprises... you just never know do you...

KittyKrap Tue 02-Aug-16 17:12:11

I never wanted to remarry or even live with anyone, met a guy and he was the same. Neither of us wanted more children.

6 years on, married, totally loved up, my DCs adore him and if my eggs weren't scrambled then we'd be trying for a baby.

Good things do happen!

RedMapleLeaf Tue 02-Aug-16 17:57:14

I really need to take some of my own advice OP I am thinking and over-thinking and analysing and over-analysing my own situation with a new boyfriend.

thestamp Tue 02-Aug-16 18:44:39

RedMapleLeaf it's horrible isn't it? I mean there's no point even thinking about it but that doesn't stop me from going in circles??? Hopefully we both manage to calm down... I might be a bit hormonal atm which doesn't help things either tbh...

RedMapleLeaf Tue 02-Aug-16 21:31:44

Yep, life is much less turbulent as a single woman!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now