Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can we please have a thread on what makes a good/great relationship?

(18 Posts)
Freeandsinglewater Mon 01-Aug-16 12:01:59

We have loads of threads on doesn't work. Let's have a thread focus in on what is good.
What makes your relationship work?
Do you have set times away from the kids?
How do you keep it fresh?
What are the little things that done that make you smile?

Lilaclily Mon 01-Aug-16 12:03:58

What works the most for us is having our own separate interests and hobbies
My parents are the same and have been married over 50 years
We go away with friends separately, have an evening out each week separately

We also have things in common but we're not glued to each other

BITCAT Mon 01-Aug-16 12:13:43

I second what Lilaclily said.
I think it's important to keep your own identity but it's equally important to have time together too. It's about getting the balance right.
I've known my dp since we were at junior school we are now 39 and 40. We only got together 7 years ago but we have always been good friends and always hado a connection.
In fact when we got together my best friend said the only people who didn't know you 2 should be together was you 2.

BITCAT Mon 01-Aug-16 12:17:27

And it's little things like. My dp will gladly go and randomly get me my favourite pack of chocolates..not expensive gifts but just the odd chocolate bar.
Or I might say I really fancy let's say a creme egg..at easter he walked all the way to the shop a good walk away to get me some.
And I will return by making him his favourite meal. Its the little things that make all the difference.

3perfectweemen Mon 01-Aug-16 12:21:07

Having the same values and wanting the same goals in life.. marriage, children, house, being on same wave length with money, parenting. Putting each other first and the rest comes naturally.
I have alot in common with dh we both don't drink or smoke our free time is preferred together as a family. We both have more fun doing things with each other and the kids than with anyone else. This isn't everyone's cup of tea but it's ours so it works. Neither of us would grudge the other of any free time away either.

TheNaze73 Mon 01-Aug-16 12:29:37

lilaclily put that so well. It's the ability to do your own thing as humans & not be joined at the hip all the time. From my experiences, couples like that kind of burn out. I think it's striking the right balance between couples playing together, staying together, whilst not losing site you're a human being and a person in your own right. Having nights out with friends, going to the races, that sort of thing & not worrying what your partner is up to seems to be the key

BITCAT Mon 01-Aug-16 12:35:35

TheNase I agree. TRUST is a huge issue. And if you have that then that's half the battle.
I always say in a relationship if there's no trust then there's no point because it eats at the relationship.

GummyBunting Mon 01-Aug-16 12:45:40

Having the same political and religious views (to an extent) has made a difference for me.
Also being clear and honest about your desires and expectations in life, and feeling confident that your views are shared, or compatible enough to rub along for the long haul.

GashleyCrumbTiny Mon 01-Aug-16 13:37:24

I have to say, I don't think there is a checklist of things that make it work. There are things you can't do without (like trust). There are dealbreakers, which will wreck things even if you have other stuff going for you (and these might be general, like violence, or specific to you, like someone voting UKIP). The rest is just being basically nice human beings to each other, and two peoplevwho happen to be able to rub along together - which for any given couple is going to depend on different factors.

user1468084768 Mon 01-Aug-16 13:40:39

Kindness, understanding that my partner's reality is as complex and as "real" as my own, and communication!

timelytess Mon 01-Aug-16 13:41:40

Dd, when a child, noted that marriages seem to work where the woman really fancies the man.

PinkPearls20 Mon 01-Aug-16 13:41:56

Me and OH have lived in each other's pockets for ten years. We are best mates. Do everything together. Never hardly row.

Humour gets us through. We live our time together laughing LOTS and I can't wait till this evening when we are both home tonight to start the laughs again grin

goldface Mon 01-Aug-16 20:38:51

For me it's about being a team. There aren't any jobs or responsibilities that are mine or his, we both do everything and help each other out. We make decisions together, deal with the hard stuff together and have fun together. Not in a freaky with each other 24/7 way - he does his thing and I do mine but again in a team way. I know women who would get home from going somewhere nice and all the jobs would have been left for her! I guess it's about being a proper friend to each other?

iloveberries Mon 01-Aug-16 21:02:16

Best friend with Hot sex

goldface Mon 01-Aug-16 21:13:57

Oh yeah. Forgot the bit sex bit!

goldface Mon 01-Aug-16 22:02:37

Oh yeah. Forgot the bit sex bit!

wherearemymarbles Mon 01-Aug-16 22:56:49

Simply its about compatability on as many levels as possible.

No one is perfect so its about being perfect for each other.

Doomed Is the relationship where one person says'may partner would be perfect but for.......' And then goes about trying to chane them.

But of course there are a hell of a lot of fuckwits out there, both male and female who are probably impossible to have a long term relationship with regardless.

Kateallison16 Mon 01-Aug-16 23:14:10

For us it's making time for each other and being mindful.
Sometimes little things like cooking something nice and bringing your OH a spoonful to try and feeding him it, my DP does this all the time and waits for praise, it's so sweet.

It's always nice to keep a bit of "childishness" around. Just this weekend past me and DP had a water fight and a sword fight with wrapping paper tubes. Life is all too serious sometimes ands it's so refreshing to just laugh and be silly with each other.

Sharing romantic brunch sessions and making plans together to see shows or games.

It's great having your own seperate hobbies too, interests and things your passionate about.
I love it when I go off chatting on and on about a subject I love, and DP is just giving me a warm smile and says "I love you" I know he is happy I'm happy - even if he doesn't really get it.

Encourage your DP when he is excited about something, and be encouraged back.

I think a successful relationship is just being mindful of the other person and yourself. smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now