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Still controlling ex

(17 Posts)
Mamalicious16 Sat 30-Jul-16 21:08:26

My toddlers dad is driving me insane. Hes always controlled me which is the main reason we split. Anyway he's still maintained control by only having her midweek / changing / cancelling last minute and Ive had enough! In nearby three years I've never Even had a Saturday night off let alone a weekend ( he never wanted me to go out without him when we were together) anyway what I'm asking here is how do I go about it? I've tried explaining / asking and he's just being an an kn head. WWYD

Lookatyourwatchnow Sat 30-Jul-16 21:17:05

You can't enforce contact. Unfortunately you appear to be dealing with an arsehole who isn't prioritising his child and would rather use contact as a method of exerting control over you. So you need to take back the control. Whether he has weekend contact or not, it doesn't need to prevent you from having a social life. You just make other appropriate child care arrangements.

ohnoppp Sat 30-Jul-16 21:22:08

If he knows he is winding you up it will continue try not to react

Mamalicious16 Sat 30-Jul-16 21:22:33

I know. And I do things on the odd times midweek he has her. I can get my son to watch her for a couple of hours on a Saturday night. I would love a weekend off sometimes. And I just think after nearby three years it's not too much TI ask

Mamalicious16 Sat 30-Jul-16 21:26:15

I'm trying not to react. I think you are right. He knows what buttons to press. I guess I need to know how to do this calmly and not let him know how much this is getting to me

Lookatyourwatchnow Sat 30-Jul-16 21:30:41

Unfortunately if over the course of 3 years he has never had a full weekend of contact, he clearly isn't willing to step up to the plate for anything other than the quality/quantity of contact he is already having. As much as I understand that you would like a weekend to yourself (as sole carer myself) it seems unlikely. And if he can't really be arsed, would you want your toddler there for a full weekend anyway?

aintnosunshinewhenbriesgone Sat 30-Jul-16 21:32:51

In a very similar situation.
It's frustrating as hell, isn't it?

Mamalicious16 Sat 30-Jul-16 21:41:35

V frustrating to say the least. It's a shame all us single parents can't somehow get together and "babysit" each others children! Maybe Even make some new friends too. Win win situation!

aintnosunshinewhenbriesgone Sat 30-Jul-16 21:45:02

Have you got any friends/family who can have your child for an eve/overnight at weekends? To give you a bit of space/social life?

GettingScaredNow Sat 30-Jul-16 21:45:23

Funny film I watched a while back.
Single mums club or something.
They do exactly what you just described.
Worth a watch on a Saturday night when he's let you down again.

I'm facing all this as just separated and I k ow he's going to dick about. He's already done the whole 'I can only handle one child at a time' bullshit.

I hate the phrase 'man up' cos in so very many ways, I'm more man then he could ever dream to be.

aintnosunshinewhenbriesgone Sat 30-Jul-16 21:47:19

I've given up trying to get my ex to have my DD @ the weekends. 'That's his time with his gf' apparently. So DS is a bit older now & I'm involving family members so I can get a break occasionally & she can get a break from me too grin

aintnosunshinewhenbriesgone Sat 30-Jul-16 21:47:44

I've given up trying to get my ex to have my DD @ the weekends. 'That's his time with his gf' apparently. So DS is a bit older now & I'm involving family members so I can get a break occasionally & she can get a break from me too grin

aintnosunshinewhenbriesgone Sat 30-Jul-16 21:49:26

Oops! DD not DS.
confused

Girlsthatsing Sat 30-Jul-16 22:04:40

Exactly the same here for 5 years. You're right it's a control thing. They can't bear to see you enjoying yourself out on a Saturday night.

BlackeyedSusan Sat 30-Jul-16 23:37:38

pretend you don't want him to have contact at the weekend. let him accidently overhear a phonecall to a friend that you are so glad. see if he asks fo rit then.

Mamalicious16 Sun 31-Jul-16 19:51:00

No chance of him overhearing he's only here literally two minutes pops her in the car and goes. Plus he's cancelled tomorrow as he says he's having her an extra day when he goes to the sea in the campervan a week tomorrow

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 31-Jul-16 21:03:29

Court ordered contact arrangement?

If he is controlling, do you really want your DD to have more contact with him though?

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