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Says he will change but I don't quite believe it

(15 Posts)
CloudedPensive Sat 30-Jul-16 19:12:53

DH has been getting quite violent and aggressive with me recently, slaps etc, it's escalated to him raising his fists as if to punch me. Things came to a bit of a head this morning, I told him I've thought of leaving him, that I can't cope with it all. He said that he doesn't want to lose me and that his behaviour is completely wrong and unfair. He says he doesn't want to be that type of man.

I'm not sure what to do, I want to believe everything will get better but I just can't believe it. I'm scared of it being good for a while then it starts again. He has said it's not my fault, which I think is a positive thing.
Is he likely to change? I feel so down about it all, have had a terrible stress headache all day. I really want it to change.

tribpot Sat 30-Jul-16 19:24:32

Surely it shouldn't have required you telling him you were thinking of leaving for him to realise that slapping you and raising his fists to you was unacceptable? Did he think that you liked it before you spoke out?

So on the basis that he already knew his behaviour was wrong, but didn't care to correct it, in fact was escalating it to see how much he could get away with: how long do you think it will be before he is doing that again?

And when he does, and you object, he will say "it can't be that bad, you didn't leave last time so what's different now?".

What measures does he intend to take to ensure his behaviour changes? How do you think he would react if you told him you were going to tell your GP about the violence in order to have it on record?

Have a look at the Women's Aid definition of domestic abuse to see how much there may actually be in your marriage. This may put you in a better position to make a decision.

bluecashmere Sat 30-Jul-16 19:31:16

There is no situation in which it is ok to slap or threaten you. You are worth more than this. Don't have any sympathy for him. You are the victim. He won't change and it is likely to escalate. Speak to Women's Aid. It will give you some perspective. Do you have DC?

bluecashmere Sat 30-Jul-16 19:35:17

OP I've just seen your previous post about him proposing to sleep with someone else. This man has left you with no self worth. Please do not continue with this relationship. Leave and make a better life for yourself and dc without him.

CloudedPensive Sat 30-Jul-16 19:56:12

I think I'll contact someone, women's aid of somthing. Need to get my head straight. I don't know what I'll do, I'm just about to start a new job, so stressed with it all. I keep reading stories online of how some men change for the better, idk,.thanks for the replies though.

CloudedPensive Sat 30-Jul-16 19:56:28

One child.

PortiaCastis Sat 30-Jul-16 20:01:12

This man will not change. I was married to a violent tosspot who always swore he would change it would never happen again etc etc. Cue facial injuries broken arm in front of dd.
Get out now for your own good!

CloudedPensive Sat 30-Jul-16 20:34:11

flowersSorry you went through that Portia

I feel I am nearing the end of my tether,.its all such a headfuck though.

Lookatyourwatchnow Sat 30-Jul-16 21:03:31

You're right not to believe him OP, because he won't change. It's your life though, use it wisely.

SandyY2K Sat 30-Jul-16 21:16:09

I believe violence is totally unacceptable and you should get out of the marriage.

smilingeyes11 Sat 30-Jul-16 21:16:54

He will change yes, he will get worse. Get away from him now - why would you possibly want to stay?

CloudedPensive Sat 30-Jul-16 21:21:08

Why do I want to stay?

I love him, our child, embarrassment..

Stupid reasons I know

Lookatyourwatchnow Sat 30-Jul-16 21:25:45

You're getting it twisted, OP. Your child is a reason to leave, not to stay.

smilingeyes11 Sat 30-Jul-16 21:32:23

And your own safety and health are reasons to leave too. I advise the Freedom Programme - you can even do it online.

Resilience16 Sat 30-Jul-16 22:24:23

Sorry you are in this horrible abusive situation.
Just because you love someone it doesn't mean you have to stay with them if they are abusive.
Your partner does not love you. If someone loves you they don't hurt you.
This relationship is damaging yo you physically and mentally. It is also damaging to any kids you may have.
You can't make someone else change their behaviour. They need to want to change it themselves.
If he is serious about changing then he will look for treatment with or without you. Talk is cheap, and it is easy to bleat about wanting to change when it looks like you are going to leave. It is all about manipulation and control.
For your own safety and well-being you need to get away from this toxic relationship.
I doubt very much that he will change. If anything things will probably escalate.
Please listen the advice you are given here.Contact Women's aid for practical advice. You deserve better, as does your child.
Hug for you x

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