Hello, I've been on a while various NC though and haven't been here a while as Husband went into my account and read everything so this became not so safe a space to seek support. I need you now though so risking being visible, hate the feeling but just need an "outside" PoV.
Could be a VERY long story but will try to précis. Together with H for 20 years, 3 DC under 6, some issues (not pulling weight) but generally really happy.
Anyway Family member funded him setting up a business to the tune of '000s 4 years ago and he lost it, In part due to mistakes, mainly due to choosing the wrong working partner. He lost the business the day DC3 was born very ill in SCBU. That's where we begin. I must say neither I nor that family member EVER said anything but sympathy for the loss.
He had a breakdown, a sleeping in his car, suicidal thoughts type of breakdown. Became financially ruinous, I was trying to work, sort out liquidation of the business and look after newborn, toddler and Dc1s first year in school and he was spending thousands on fuel, fags, fucking watches and later I found out hotels. I found photos on his phone of a woman we both know, he denies an affair but she was "there for him to talk to" and I was not (I wonder why?).
Eventually he sent me "home" back to my mum, as I couldn't cope and he couldn't help, I was going to lose my job and it was the only income. I travel and have a high pressure job. I had to live with my parents and now they have moved I am camping in their old house.
He is still in our home that I bought, I am covering bills on 2 houses. He has no income, took a job with no salary because it'll lead to big things in the future. It's been a year this month, the house he is sitting in won't sell as its a mess, he hasn't maintained it. I NEED my money out of that house as I have no home for me and the kids, my parents are suffering financially and they need to sell this. We are still a couple but he only sees the kids every 1-2 weeks for a day maybe 2. I have to pay for childcare. If I push him on anything or get distant to cope then I am affecting his depression and ability to "work".
I have been warning and warning he needs to find somewhere else to live or move here with me or move with his mother (who has offered). I've finally said this week the house gets emptied out and given to an estate agent.
In response he has blocked all my phone numbers and I have heard nothing from him in 2 days. I have no idea what I am going to face when I get there to clear the house and am freaking out.
Am I being unfair wanting my home back and sold after a year?!? He has run up over £40k in debt and I am struggling to manage it, I've got over £900 in repayments a month plus £700 nursery before food and fuel! I need that house money to pay the debts and house the kids! As it is MH issues should I have been endlessly supportive?
I just feel like I'm hurting him, like I'm destroying him and taking everything away but I'm just so fucking tired. I'm so tired 
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Support through the chaos please
HobnailsandTaffeta · 29/07/2016 22:37
He sounds like a manipulative Walter Mitty character, I doubt he will get his dream job. In the meantime, he is taking advantage of you.
You will be able to support yourself and your children, as you are doing now, so file for divorce, and cut yourself loose from this man.
My guess is that he will make it as difficult and painful as possible for you, so you will need to ready for that. But once you are free you can start to live again.
What Rice Crispie said.
You need to disengage from him and put yourself and your DCs first. It sounds like he has support from friends and family - let them take over now and do what is right for you. 
Well he swears blind he didn't cheat. The hotel rooms were just for him to sleep in as he needed space away from me and the kids to deal with his anxiety/depression. She was never there, he just went and had coffee with her on different days (where he was also just "driving" or "at the gym" to cope).
I don't really believe him though. There was also a receipt for a £180 watch that he says isn't his receipt as I've never seen the watch he must have just picked the receipt up accidentally somewhere 
That aside, he genuinely has had a breakdown, I suspect (and so did the GP) bi-polar. It would explain the deep lows and the highs leading to out of character behaviour (the spending and woman, it really really isn't the man he was).
But if he won't seek treatment and seems to blame me for what I think is a shit load of guilt what can I do? I have to secure the kids home and safety? But I feel like I am battling to save him too and he just keep trying to destroy himself and us
Well isn't that just a funny coincidence that a receipt you found that wasn't his was for something specific as a watch, when one of his things is buying watches?
He's a liar, you know it. Whether him buying expensive watches for other women is part of his illness or "simply" cheating is by the by - he's a liar.
I would disagree with above poster about speaking to mortgage company about a break, or utilities about lower payments. Speak to CAB or a debt charity like Stepchange first - check the impact of that on your credit history. When you sell your old house you will want to buy one where you are, I expect? Don't do anything that may impact your credit history, like agreeing a mortgage holiday.
First thing, split up with him. He needs to be paying things like the council tax in your old house - and if he needs any welfare support e needs to be claiming correctly as a single person.
Get your name off the utilities and his onto them. If you feel responsible for him and want to send him cash to burn on watches and other women, fine. But let him make the choice between heating and a watch.
Talk a solicitor about declaring a formal separation and the possibility of him taking 100% of all further debts incurred. If he doesn't pay the council tax in his name you don't want to have that debt shared between you!
If you want you can leave the door open - tell him you'll support him emotionally in treatment and would like to take him back when he's managing his illness. But you won't support him financially. You can't afford to. (I'm doubtful you can afford to give the emotional support but if you want to, you want to)
Yes he's ill, but it doesn't actually help him if you let that drag you under too.
You really must see a solicitor.
Ok thank you, maybe if I am less angry about the financial situation I can be there emotionally (maybe not). Argh solicitors, all feels a bit "real", swear to god I never thought we'd end like this, or at all.
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