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complicated no contact

(5 Posts)
user1468937724 Wed 27-Jul-16 14:07:34

I thought about putting this on the no contact 30day but then thought maybe I should start from scratch!
I left a 12 year relationship with someone who over the whole 12 years suffered with severe depression and anxiety, which at many times manifested itself it to violent (not physical) angry and extremely verbally abusive behavior. I was as supportive as I could be but he always refused to get proper help. He did in the end but our relationship had been so damaged by then there was no turning back. Throughout this time my best friend (a guy) in the world of 15 years was always there to support me and cheer me up and do all of the things with me that my OH couldn't physically/mentally do.
I have been sure throughout all of these years that my BF has loved me more than a friend and in reality I have felt the same way about him, but when I met him he was in a relationship and vice versa.
He is also in an incredibly abusive relationship with an alcoholic, but they have 2 DPs
last year we admitted to each other how we felt, I made a decision to finally leave my OH it was traumatic and I am really only just getting over the loss mainly of the hopes I had that i could fix everything (I do this with everyone)
I hoped that my BF would be able to make the same choice, but his partner constantly threatens that he will never see his children again if they separate, so he has become resigned to the fact that he will have to stay with her even though there relationship is toxic
I have decided that I can no longer be in contact with him, mainly because I swing between feeling angry that he (from my point of view) is making a terrible choice to bring his kids up in a toxic environment because he desperately thinks a shit family together is better than one apart, and really sad that he is living such a shit life.
Anyway. I guess I just need to let off steam, tell some people, as I really don't have anyone to talk to about any of this and I genuinely feel like I am going mad. I have posted this today to stop myself texting him instead!

SandyY2K Wed 27-Jul-16 14:17:05

Surely he'd get awarded custody if she's an alcoholic ?

That's what the court is there for? He has rights, but he should know that.

Is she able to manage alone with the kids?

Do you really truly know that she has made this threat? It's just that I've heard it a million plus times from men in affairs via the OW.

Regardless of all that ... NC is best for you.

TheNaze73 Wed 27-Jul-16 14:24:50

Going NC, is your only option. His actions are so clear that he's fully of excuses & really isn't bothered about you

user1468937724 Wed 27-Jul-16 14:26:34

I do know she has made that threat. she has also done various things involving the children that make him fear enough like make them tell her that they would chose her in front of him (I can't see why he would lie about this). She is a very high functioning alcoholic and seems very together to the outside world. he did see a solicitor and they said it was highly unlikely he would be awarded custody unless something extremely bad happened.
in reality if he pushed he could probably, but it's not a button he is prepare to push, as he has told me his kids are more important than his happiness. and it's not an affair physically, but i would say emotionally

Finola1step Wed 27-Jul-16 14:31:15

I agree that you need to cut contact. For your own emotional well being. You have already stated in your OP that you wanted to fix everything with your exP like you do with everyone. I would gently suggest that it is this that you need to connect with and resolve. Good luck.

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