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Boyfriend rarely initiates plans. Should i be worried

(9 Posts)
VIX1307 Tue 26-Jul-16 15:29:05

Hi,
My boyfriend of nearly a year rarely initiates plans anymore. Hes alwahs besn quite independent but i feel like its getting worse. He happily accepts any plans i make to see each other, but im starting fo feel insecure that he barely ever does it off his own back. I decided to see what happened if i didnt inititate plans and it was the first weekend in ages that we didn't see each other. He hasnt mentioned anything about this weekend either. Should i leave it again to see how long it takes him? If this weekend passes i wouldnt have seen him for two weeks. Thoughts? He is 33 and i am 30.

StillDrSethHazlittMD Tue 26-Jul-16 15:33:24

An ex girlfriend of mine was like this. Was always left to me to plan things. I did ask about it and she said "I'm old fashioned, I always expect the man to chase me and organise things". She was "ex" very soon after.

Shoxfordian Tue 26-Jul-16 15:59:37

Did he initiate plans to start with? Maybe if you're the "planner" then he just assumes you'll always organise things. Might be an idea to just leave it and let him realise he misses you so he should sort something out

Cabrinha Tue 26-Jul-16 16:07:21

I don't like game playing so although I would agree to leave it this weekend, I would say only do that so that you have the example to start the conversation.

Don't keep "testing" him.

It sounds like you only see him at the weekend? Is that correct? Are you happy with that?

He may be used to you being the organiser, and if so you should raise it.

VIX1307 Tue 26-Jul-16 16:19:55

We occasionally see each other during the week, but he is often away with work and i also have a busy life. Though again if we do it will usually be me initiating it- so same story. If he does initiate seeing me it will be a couple of hours prior "do you want to come over and watch a film tonight? " though this occurs probably only once every few weeks. I just feel like im finding myself always slightly on edge, not knowing or being able to look forward to when i will next see him. Everytime i leave his there is no mention of any future plans unless i bring it up. It does upset me slightly when i havent seen him for over a week, i ask what hes up to and he says just "at home chilling" . No inclination to invite me over to his, despite us living ten minutes away from each other.

Shoxfordian Wed 27-Jul-16 10:25:19

So he does sometimes ask you over to watch a film? I dunno; maybe speak to him about it and say you feel like you're always organising everything and that you would like him to be more proactive

VIX1307 Wed 27-Jul-16 10:50:56

Yes on the odd occasion, and its usually at 8 or 9pm when hes finished at the gym and ive already settled in for the night. Ive asked him before why he leaves it so last minute and he just says hes busy and "doesn't really think about it". Its almost as if he can only focus on what hes doing there and then and once he finally finishes his daily activities (work, gym) then i might pop into his mind. Is this usual? Or should I be expecting more. Even when i am busy i still have time to think about him and wonder what hes up to or when i will see him. He just doesn't get that it seems. Is this a male brain trait or just not that interested??

Shoxfordian Wed 27-Jul-16 12:06:36

I dunno really. It doesn't sound as though he's particularly bothered about making plans or seeing you.

Have you read "He's just not that into you"?
There are some good quotes here:-
www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/822184-he-s-just-not-that-into-you-the-no-excuses-truth-to-understanding-guys

Not that this is definitely the case but it doesn't sound like he's making much of an effort to put you in his life. Is he affectionate when you're together? Does he say he misses you when he doesn't see you?

TheSilveryPussycat Wed 27-Jul-16 12:27:43

I married one of these. Didn't initiate, didn't offer an opinion on my suggestions, all decisions (buying house together, having kids, even getting married initially came from me).

Ugh! But it took me till kids were grown to get rid.

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