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Tell me I've done the right thing.

(8 Posts)
Attheendofmytether1 Tue 26-Jul-16 08:49:04

So my husband told me 6 weeks ago that he wanted to separate. The back story is in my other threads but he's had several affairs, first one over five years ago, and we had gotten back together.
He says that our relationship will never be the same and is fed up with me not trusting him and rolling my eyes and making faces if shows about infidelity/marriage come on TV.
He has been sleeping at his aunt's house but, bar the time he is in work, he has been at our home as normal. We had a week off work a few weeks ago and he wanted to do stuff as a 'family'.
He slept here (and with me) at least once a week too.
I felt this could not go on (for my own mental health), so I asked him to take a week and think about wether he truly wanted to separate or not.
Last night I asked for an answer and he said yes he still wanted to go. Said he loved me but our relationship was ruined by his affairs and there was no going back.
I asked him to not come to our home anymore and when he asked when he could see our four DC I told him Friday when I go to work.
I now feel really bad. I need the space to heal and realise this is what's happening but don't want to use my DC as pawns.

Hotwaterbottle1 Tue 26-Jul-16 08:54:54

I think you have answered yourself & are doing the right thing. Does not sound like you are using the dc as pawns?

pinkyredrose Tue 26-Jul-16 08:57:41

You did the right thing. You'd never be able to trust him again. A 5yr affair ffs! Come on you can do a lot better. Better to be single than put up with someone who treats you like that.

Attheendofmytether1 Tue 26-Jul-16 09:00:33

Thank you. I am just second guessing myself constantly. My DC are my first priority and I would love for them to see their daddy daily but he has nowhere to take them and, realistically, as he has chosen to leave, they won't see him every day anyway.?

Attheendofmytether1 Tue 26-Jul-16 09:03:57

He didn't have a five year affair, it was a one year affair, ending over five years ago but it really doesn't matter. It still happened and I took him back and he's ripped my heart to pieces again. Issue is I still love him dearly but I need time to move on and cooking and ironing for him but him living elsewhere isn't moving on. He said last night he would have lived like that indefinately without making a decision. He couldn't understand why it bought that selfish!

BeMorePanda Tue 26-Jul-16 09:09:51

I hope you can stop cooking and ironing for him now.

Sorry you are hurting but I think he has made the best decision for you.

Yes to distance between you now and he needs to arrange to see the DC out of the house.

Helloooomeee Tue 26-Jul-16 09:14:18

I think you already know that you've done the right thing. You are acting in the best interests of you and your kids. He is only thinking about himself.

Xh behaved similarly when we split under similar circumstances when I eventually had enough and realised I had to take control of the situation for my own sanity he shouted to anyone and everyone about how badly I'd treated him and how I'd broken his heart.

Stay strong, it is hard but you are doing the right thing flowers

Attheendofmytether1 Tue 26-Jul-16 09:36:08

Thank you all

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