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How do you trust someone

(6 Posts)
sillysausage16 Tue 26-Jul-16 07:58:09

I have had bad experiences in the past, resulting in me being a lone parent to my 9 year old ds. I seem to go for the wrong man each time and each time it happens it makes me want to try less and less again.

I'm 35 now and I would love more children so giving up isn't really an option yet.

I've started seeing someone and the feelings of anxiety are horrific. I've struggled with depression in the past and this is seeming to trigger off some kind of panic in me. He hasn't done anything to warrant it I just over think every little thing. Why hasn't he text? What if he's just using me? What if he's seeing someone else aswell? Etc

I just don't know how to relax and go with the flow.sad

category12 Tue 26-Jul-16 08:04:36

Have you thought about sperm donation? And doing it alone. Gay friend who wants to be a father? Or freezing eggs, I suppose.

It seems to me that you're not ready for or enjoying dating, so the biological clock pressure isn't helping. So I am just thinking, why not take off that pressure?

sillysausage16 Tue 26-Jul-16 08:13:54

I have thought about it. But I don't want to raise another child on my own. Suppose it's not as much about the children as I hopefully have a few years in me yet hmmsmile

ProfessorPickles Tue 26-Jul-16 08:26:42

Nothing useful to contribute but I just wanted to say I feel exactly the same as you OP! I'm prone to depression and every time I start seeing someone it starts to creep in almost instantly. My confidence goes and I stop enjoying my life and he's done nothing wrong to cause it.
I'm hoping if we continue to see eachother it'll gradually stop but I don't know if it'll just carry on and this will be what happens whenever I enter a relationship!

PonchosLament Tue 26-Jul-16 08:28:12

I don't know. I'm in a similar boat, except that I'm early 40s and a single parent for the second time. I don't see that ever changing. (Terrible taste in men!)

I don't have a solution.

On the couple of occasions I have tried to ignore my "don't trust him instincts" (I recognise the feelings of anxiety only too well) and 'made the choice' to trust, it turned out I shouldn't have after all.

Not helpful, but I don't know what the solution is. You're not alone sad

user1468084768 Tue 26-Jul-16 13:03:24

Get CBT - what you're feeling is a form of relationship anxiety, which won't be solved by leaving the relationship (as long as, as you say, your partner isn't causing it). I know because I have this, despite having been with my DP for 3 years and him being utterly excellent in every way, and I've found CBT really useful for learning to put my fears in perspective and to self-soothe.

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