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Is it ok that he always loses his cool, shouting, waving his hands around wildly, repeating himself like a lunatic

(33 Posts)
Kylieminogue Sat 23-Jul-16 07:55:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Resilience16 Sat 23-Jul-16 08:09:51

Big red flags here. Ranting and not letting you speak. Saying you don't listen to him and blaming you for his behaviour. Scaring your kid?
No, it's not ok.
This isn't healthy.

OnionKnight Sat 23-Jul-16 08:16:00

My wife does this, I just ignore her now.

Joysmum Sat 23-Jul-16 08:22:57

I'm guessing he just does this with you but doesn't with his friends or at work?

abbsismyhero Sat 23-Jul-16 08:23:19

No its not ok

Kylieminogue Sat 23-Jul-16 08:31:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joysmum Sat 23-Jul-16 08:34:59

So he chooses to be like it only with you.

Why would you think it's ok that he doesn't think you worth behaving normally around as he does for everyone else in his life?

EveryoneElsesMumSaidYes Sat 23-Jul-16 08:38:22

If he was 3 or 13 it would be ordinary behaviour. But he should have grown out of it by now. The fact that he can control himself at work shows this is bad manners and a lack of respect

Kylieminogue Sat 23-Jul-16 08:44:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kylieminogue Sat 23-Jul-16 08:57:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kylieminogue Sat 23-Jul-16 08:59:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joysmum Sat 23-Jul-16 09:11:57

You've heard of victim blaming?

The rapists that blame their victims for example.

Just to help you out what's happening to you into perspective, I was raped by a previous partner and people who have had loved ones killed do not behave like your partner has to you because they choose not to.

He chooses to behave like that because that's who he is and then chooses to blame you because he knows what he's doing is wrong and nasty and doesn't want to believe he's a nasty person. Classic behaviour from an abuser.

Resilience16 Sat 23-Jul-16 09:19:12

Name calling. Another red flag.
Being scared of his reaction. Red flag.
Belittling you and saying you are not a nice person. Red flag.
Being unwilling or unable to discuss problems. Red flag.
Bit of a theme, hey.
You and your child deserve better.

AnyFucker Sat 23-Jul-16 09:22:24

This is an awful example for your dc

Tell him to fuck off out of your life if you are such a terrible person

I mean, why is he sticking around if you are so shit? (you are not)

The fact is, he gets something out of intimidating you. And your child is absorbing this.

EveryoneElsesMumSaidYes Sat 23-Jul-16 09:31:01

I'm sure many people have ended marriages due to lack of communication. However this is more than that, your husband is manipulative and controlling, that is abuse and you don't have to live with it.

Hissy Sat 23-Jul-16 09:31:55

Yeah, next time he flaps those hands, tell him to flap em a bit harder so he can fly off to the far side of fuck.😀

Seriously tho, this is awful, and no way to live for you or for your DC.

Get out of it in any way you can.

thestamp Sat 23-Jul-16 09:43:13

Oh love, I've been there, mine didn't rant but he spent so many years telling me that he gave me silent treatment etc because I was dishonest/mean/nasty in a way others simply weren't. It's nonsense because they'd have left if it were so bad.

It made me ill in the end too. Leave. Honestly. It'll be hard at first but you'll soon see how much more energy you have when you're not fending this shit off constantly.

Kylieminogue Sat 23-Jul-16 09:43:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thestamp Sat 23-Jul-16 09:45:09

The ranting and raving itself isn't on. The subject matter is almost more worrying though tbh. If he were ranting in an emotionally honest and open way that would be one thing... maybe you could work on it in counseling... but name calling and telling you you're awful? There's just no point bothering.

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 23-Jul-16 09:51:33

So he calls you names, belittles you, intimidates you, and then blames you for his own behaviour?

Not a nice man.
Not a partner to you in any sense of the term.
Not resolvable, either, as he chooses to blame you and so doesn't accept that his own behaviour is problematic.

The only cure is to leave I'm afraid. A bad situation that is guaranteed not to change = get the hell out.

Kylieminogue Sat 23-Jul-16 10:02:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kylieminogue Sat 23-Jul-16 10:03:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joysmum Sat 23-Jul-16 10:14:57

Good for you.

Be prepared for wobbles as you continue to have periods of doubt. He's made you doubt yourself enough that you've needed to check on here that his behaviour isn't ok. Just imagine what he can do once he realises he's losing control of you?

Maybe think ahead to what you think he might be capable of, predict his behaviour so you can be ready for it.

Also maybe write yourself a letter to remind and motivate yourself of why you need to do this for when you hit those lows. flowers

RiceCrispieTreats Sat 23-Jul-16 10:15:19

Getting information on legalities and practicalities is a good move, well done fixing that appointment.

Kylieminogue Sat 23-Jul-16 10:32:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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