DH on eharmony?

[WatchMeSoar]

I think my dh is on eharmony. Does anyone know how to search without joining? Its in another country and every time I search using a post code from that city its coming up invalid.
Any ideas?
Thanks.

[loveyoutothemoon]

How do you know he's on it?

[WatchMeSoar]

I went through his emails, he has messages saying he has matches, is it spam? I don't get that type of spam, I get stuff from waitrose

[2nds]

Watch he may have joined years ago and just never cancelled it, so it could be their way of trying to get people to use the site again. However, he may well have only. Just opened the account last week.

Would it not be better to ask him because it really could be an innocent explanation especially if he was on there from before you met.

[FetchezLaVache]

If you've got access to his emails, did you search for any from eharmony saying stuff like "Welcome to eharmony" or usual sign-up, confirm your password, how to get started etc? If so, that would suggest it's definitely not spam (though like you say, I don't get spam purporting to be from well established dating sites, so it is looking a bit hmmm...)

[FetchezLaVache]

Did/can you search for all messages from eharmony? If there are some of the "welcome to eharmony, how to get started" nature, then he's definitely joined. Even if not, though - like you say, one doesn't tend to get spam purporting to be from well-established dating sites...

[FetchezLaVache]

Gah- complete laptop fail! Same message twice, paraphrased slightly second time round

[2nds]

You can get spam from dating sites if you have not closed your account and not used the site in a while Fetchez.

OP it might be worth checking where the emails actually came from. Is it definitely from eHarmony? Copy and paste the email address into Google because sometimes these things are sent from scammers.

[WatchMeSoar]

We have been together over 20 years so its not before we met, I don't have access to his email but he left his phone open so I had as quick look.

There was more than one email, it looks suspicious because all the other emails in the folder were credible, LinkedIn, Pinterest, work stuff, agency emails.
When I opened them they just had a blank screen

[WatchMeSoar]

2nd
They are from eharmony

[thefamilywarrior]

I closed my Yahoo email account because of this - I get endless spam from Viagra and dating sites and many others. I later learnt sites like Vista Print and other cheap + freebie sites sell your email to the oddest spamming establishments you could ever imagined.

It is however safe to satisfy your curiosity - best without confronting him to avoid any aggressive deletion of further proof

[WatchMeSoar]

Fetch
One did say how to get started.

[WatchMeSoar]

Thanks warrior

[2nds]

What do you mean about the blank screen?

[2nds]

These sites don't send blank emails so I'm wondering if it's a scammer sending them? What is the sender's email address does it definitely match up to being an eHarmony email address?

[AbyssinianBanana]

She didn't let the message load - it's what you see when you're on 3G or 4G, see the preview screen and read it but opening the message will give you a blank because all the graphics and code haven't downloaded. Isn't eharmony owned by someone? Match or something? You don't get spammed by them unless you go browsing on there after a prolonged absence. Which could've been him and mate looking at profile... But... I trunk you jumped to the logical conclusion that he's on there for a reason?

[AbyssinianBanana]

Think not trunk (wtf phone, wtf)

[TheWitchesofIzalith]

What made you feel the need to have a quick look at his emails while his phone was open, though?
Has something else given you cause to suspect him of using a dating site/looking for someone else?

[EverySongbirdSays]

What has prompted you to break his trust and infringe his right to privacy by forensically combing his emails?

There's more to this

In any case if you really don't care about ruining all sense of trust between you and think he's cheating surely his texts and calendar are more helpful?

[WatchMeSoar]

I have no access to his emails, laptop, we're not even friends on fb.
Yes you are right, I don't trust him, there is more to this.
However, I was looking for some advice on this one thing, I really don't want to lay out every crap thing about my relationship.
I hope you understand.

[WatchMeSoar]

2nd
I can't access anything else, it was a fluke his phone was open

[WatchMeSoar]

Banana
That's the way I'm leaning, if its in with other emails, credible emails, then why hasn't it been deleted or moved?

[EverySongbirdSays]

Have you asked him?

I mean no hints, no passive aggressive comment, no investigations

Flat out. Five words.

Are you cheating on me?

[WatchMeSoar]

Songbird
No, but I will.

[KittyKrap]

I am getting a shitload of spam/psishing at the moment. From Argos, Morrisons and the like with amazing offers that I'd "won". Another of these is from Match, the header inviting me to look at matches in my area. None of these sites are real they are psishing.

Click onto the name of the company and it should give the address - if it's from random letters it's trying to get you to open the mail. If it IS from eHarmony then you have to talk to him - obvs! Try not to panic just yet.

[ohgoshIdontknow]

Good luck OP