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shitty shit head boyfriend

(48 Posts)
anyname123 Thu 21-Jul-16 22:01:32

Has just come home drunk and purposely taken my vase of flowers into garden and smashed it (no idea why), has now passed out on sofa, will hopefully choke in his sleep. I'm 7 months pregnant, this relationship is not going the way I wanted / hoped it would, feel really stuck and have a sinking feeling it's just going to get worse. He is fucking useless around the house, with DIY, with money etc. Wondering what the actual fuck I saw in him, apart from making me laugh and being alright in bed, and how my life has come to this. What a cock womble he is. Has anyone else's chap actually manned the fuck up when first baby arrived, or just continued in same shitty routine?

Threepineapples Thu 21-Jul-16 22:20:48

What are your living arrangements OP?

Any chance you could get him to "decide" whether he wants to man the f* up while he lives elsewhere for a while?

Personally I wouldn't be having someone who came home drunk and broke my stuff within 10 miles of me and a newborn - what's your bottom line?

Peonylass Thu 21-Jul-16 22:21:41

No same routine after kids too - thankfully not a drinker, but still useless

newworldnow Thu 21-Jul-16 22:24:35

Hmmmmn I would say he would get worse as he sounds an irresponsible selfish man child. Sounds like he just wants to make you laugh and have sex which is fine as a boyfriend. Don't think he'll man up. Think about your future as you don't have to put up with this shit.

Valentine2 Thu 21-Jul-16 22:26:51

Your baby is already there. In your womb. Tell him to man up or fuck off.

anyname123 Thu 21-Jul-16 22:28:16

I (unfortunately and stupdily ) moved into his place, in a new city and with a new job etc etc. I feel quite vulnerable having uprooted and as though he's taking advantage of this. If the babe was actually here I'd probably call the police and have him removed! His family are supportive of me so I may well kick him out for a bit and let him stay with a relation and have time to think. Although he would no doubt say the right things / be genuinely remorseful, then slip back into twatsville over a period of weeks / months. I actually feel like smothering him (I won't though )

TheSockGoblin Thu 21-Jul-16 22:28:24

No mine only got worse until I left him.

Sorry you're going through this. flowers

eyebrowsonfleek Thu 21-Jul-16 22:36:59

It usually gets worse after baby- no sleep, no sex means that cockwombles act even more cockwomblier.

Lilacpink40 Thu 21-Jul-16 22:44:25

He broke something that you value while in a state to act out how he feels.

I think you need to speak with a sensible member of his family ASAP to get them to find out what he's worried / confused / angry about. He's unlikely to talk honestly with you given that you're pregnant and fully dependent on him.

Hopefully it's just the stress of responsibility and major change.

You sound strong, but as though you're partially prepared for this not to work out. Would you be with him if you weren't pregnant?

anyname123 Fri 22-Jul-16 06:35:24

Thanks for all your kind words and advice. Lilac, I doubt very much we'd be together if I wasn't pregnant no. Historically I've had long term partners who were mature / responsible, and am really berating myself for ending up knocked up by a man child. Anyway I've kicked him out, called in sick to work, and plan to spend the day under the duvet licking my wounds / plotting his death / making some sort of plan of how me and baby can manage alone. May watch some Jeremy Kyle to make me feel better about my life too

tribpot Fri 22-Jul-16 06:54:32

Hope you can stick to your resolve now. This is a test of the power balance in your relationship. He deliberately broke your stuff to see how you would react. You've now reacted. So now he has to work out how much it will take to convince you to take him back, so he knows exactly how far he can push it next time.

It will be infinitely harder to get rid of him next time - you will have a newborn, you will have lost power by taking back this time, you will presumably be financially dependent for at least a period of time. Do your future self a favour and stick to your guns this time. Start making plans now for a future that doesn't rely on him.

BolshierAryaStark Fri 22-Jul-16 10:02:05

How long have you been together? Was he like this prior to the pregnancy or has it fetched about the change in him?

Floggingmolly Fri 22-Jul-16 10:04:50

How are you going to kick him out of his own place?

anyname123 Fri 22-Jul-16 10:30:44

He's always liked a drink and been a bit fly by the seat of his pants, which was fun before, I thought we were on a journey to parenthood together though and he was ready for change, but it seems I've been dragging him along as an unwilling passenger.
Flogging - he may be an immature fuckwit but he isn't a monster, as his heavily pregnant girlfriend who demands he leave because she's scared of him, he's not going to refuse

princessmi12 Fri 22-Jul-16 10:48:33

This is a test of the power balance in your relationship. He deliberately broke your stuff to see how you would react.
Rubbish

0dfod Fri 22-Jul-16 11:46:26

Op would it be possible to move back to your old area? Or better still if you have supportive family, move back to them? Even for a little while?

I really think that what you do next is going to pave the path forward for you.

He is unlikely to change and as others have already said things are likely to escalate.

You have to draw a line in the sand and do not compromise on what is important to you.

I am sorry that you are in this situation.

0dfod Fri 22-Jul-16 11:50:35

princess I disagree, it was a deliberate act, he purposefully took the vase into the garden and smashed it. Something that belonged to Op, not his item.

condaleeza Fri 22-Jul-16 11:56:43

What I can never understand about threads like this (and there are loads of them) is why the woman concerned has chosen to have a baby with such a man. Whether OP gives DP another chance or ends the relationship she and her child are permanently stuck with the fact that he is the child's father. Why do so many women not consider their partner's suitability for fatherhood? Children deserve to have two decent parents.

Marmalade85 Fri 22-Jul-16 12:13:09

I'm the same as you OP. Always had nice normal relationships but have ended up having a baby with a massive twat. It got much worse once the baby was born. He is now 7 months and it's generally hell.

princessmi12 Fri 22-Jul-16 13:12:49

princess I disagree, it was a deliberate act, he purposefully took the vase into the garden and smashed it
yes,deliberate act but not done for the reason described by tribpot
He was drunk and mad,for reasons knowing to him and maybe to OP too. Its an indirect act of aggression towards OP,not power struggle to see how Op would react.
She likes the vase and he d think he destroy it.
Basically he's not happy! he's not happy with Op to the point he takes pleasure in destroying stuff she likes,so she wouldn't be happy either.

Hillfarmer Fri 22-Jul-16 15:49:41

condaleeza - ever heard the phrase 'We are where we are'?

smilingeyes11 Fri 22-Jul-16 16:13:48

I don't think women choose a shit man to be a father, but the shit man often emerges during pregnancy.

But in answer to your question my ex got much worse once I had a newborn - scarily so. My advice is run like the wind while you have the chance. It is much harder to flee with a newborn. And look after yourself too and confide in your midwife/GP. Make sure you are being taken care of and that it is noted what this man has been doing. More you have on record now the better it may serve you in the long term. I would advise WA too.

SandyY2K Fri 22-Jul-16 16:57:48

What I can never understand about threads like this (and there are loads of them) is why the woman concerned has chosen to have a baby with such a man.

Why do so many women not consider their partner's suitability for fatherhood? Children deserve to have two decent parents.

I'm with you on this 100%.

People are hesitant to rush into marriage, because it's a big commitment and because "we're not sure yet", but bringing a new life into the world with a waste of space for a father happens so very often.

You can easily get divorce, but you can't not be a mum.

Yes. We are where we are, but maybe this can serve as a warning to anyone else with a BF who is as useful as a knitted condom, to not get pregnant and wonder if he's going to change for the better when the baby arrives.

Lilacpink40 Fri 22-Jul-16 21:29:28

I was with my STBXH for almost a decade before having her. He was still a twat.

OP - can you move back with family?

Newborn babies are little screamy aliens hard work. Having genuine support can really help!

Lilacpink40 Fri 22-Jul-16 21:30:39

Before having my DD I meant.

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