First ever post but I'm so emotional and sad i had to just write this down and here seemed right.
However Im bracing myself for a lot of hard talking but please but gentle (even if for 24hrs)!
I was married for 14yrs. We seperated 2yrs ago. The marriage was more than over and we were both ready to move on.
I had such high hopes and excitement for a new relationship but managed to fuck it up majorly. After some time single and realising at 40 yrs old pubs and clubs aren't a great way to meet new people I joined online dating. After a few weeks I met a man who lived an hour away. He was a gentleman, kind and what appeared genuine. We started way too quickly in hind sight and we fell for each other pretty quickly.
After several months travelling back and forth things went downhill. He became distant and made no time for me (a chef so long hours!). In January I become unwell and contracted herpes. I asked him had he been unfaithful and he confessed. I asked him to leave and we didn't speak for some time. I was absolutely heart broken.
It took me a while to get over the deceit and hurt but I did. I stopped looking for a relationship and focused on myself and my children.
Well a a while back he got back in touch asking how we all were. I was in a good happy place so messaged back and conversations carried on from there until we agreed to meet for coffee. That coffee led to another and more recently I ended up back in the bedroom with him.
He made promises of spending time together and making time for me this coming week but has just called to say he has to work and we won't be seeing each other. Not the first time he's let me down after being back in touch. I came off the phone so upset so sent a message saying I was saddened he could not just put me first and after everything that's happened at least make an effort to make a mends and make a bloody effort! Hes ignored me and won't pick up if I call.
I knew we weren't ever going to end up in a fulfilling loving relationship but had hoped we could at least enjoy some time together but ultimately he would be honest and caring.
So, whilst I appreciate I've been a dumb ass letting this man back in to my life what I can't get my head around is why I can't move on? How can I still have feelings for this man? How could I still want to sleep with him? Even now I just miss hearing from him. What the fuck is wrong with me? I can't stop crying as know this is the end and it should have been back in January when he did such an awful thing.
I havr never classed myself as a push over or thick yet this man makes me that person as well an emotional wreck. As much as I say to myself "move the fuck on he's scum" I know I will still fall asleep with my phone next to me feeling upset he can't even just call and explain why he came back in to my life to torture me some more? I actually told him he only did it to see if he could get me back in to bed and he was actually mortified and offended. Why do these men exsist????
Sorry for epic story and again if you've made it this far please be gentle with me.
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Why did I let it happen again? I'm so stupid!
12 replies
Suchaplonker · 20/07/2016 19:08
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