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Just agreed to divorce - struggle to feel sure and not so sad

(8 Posts)
Kylieminogue Tue 19-Jul-16 23:27:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LellyMcKelly Wed 20-Jul-16 08:55:33

You do not deserve to be treated badly, and he does not deserve your love. He sounds horrible. Take your son, and go on the family holiday without your husband.

2ManySweets Wed 20-Jul-16 08:57:18

Somewhere out there is the life you should be living, happy, settled and fulfilled.

Removing yourself from a toxic situation has just brought you a step closer to achieving it. A very big step flowers

Hillfarmer Wed 20-Jul-16 14:24:45

Sorry you are going through this OP. It is heartbreaking. I remember that adrenalised feeling very well. You are better off without this man. You seem very aware what he is doing to you. It is good you are aware that it is not acceptable. I was also treated like the enemy in my own home, it is very panic inducing, especially when you have done nothing to provoke attacks. It is abusive. My XH used to threaten divorce in arguments, and it was always like he pressed a nuclear button just to upset me even more. In the end though, I used to hope he would suggest it so that I could say 'OK then.'

You've agreed to divorce. I know this is not what you signed up for, but you also didn't sign up to live in a hostile environment with your DS. You are bereft because you are grieving for your dream of a family life and your hopes for what it could have been. The only crumb of comfort - I know it is so tough at this stage - is that your dream of family life is just that. You were never going to have that with this man, you are not giving up on a great family life - he has single-handedly destroyed your dreams already. You are getting out of an abusive situation - seize this opportunity and believe me you will look back in a few years' time and realise this was an achievement for you and your child.

p.s. Just because he suggested the divorce, don't expect him to go quietly. If he is your enemy, then he will act like the enemy and go down all guns blazing. Do not be surprised if he is obstructive and hostile all the way - because his intention to to blame and make you the bad guy. Get a decent and tough solicitor and make him the respondent. Then if he drags his heels, throws toys out of the pram etc, you do have some control in making it happen by continuing the process.

adora1 Wed 20-Jul-16 14:27:46

Sooner the better then OP, he's abusing you and harming your child, you will realise (if he goes) that he's done you a massive favour.

MissMargie Wed 20-Jul-16 14:30:17

Once the adrenaline stops pumping it will be like a heavy cloud lifted off your shoulders and the sun came out! Hang on in there.

OurBlanche Wed 20-Jul-16 14:40:58

Yes, that adrenaline is your body's fight or flight reaction: he acts like a prat and you react, but you can't fight him and also cannot run away... so that leaves you stood still, shaking with the hormone rush wondering how the hell you got to that predicament?

Once he can no longer stand over you, waffling, repeating, patronising, you will no longer need to fight your body's hormonal reaction to him.

Best of luck.

Kylieminogue Thu 21-Jul-16 18:30:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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