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Am I right to be this upset over something she said? (Content warning: suicide, self harm)

(3 Posts)
birdtails Tue 19-Jul-16 21:36:42

I broke up with my long term girlfriend two months ago. I ended it for a number of reasons - I'm a woman and still struggling to come to terms with my sexuality, it was long-distance, we seemed to have been drifting apart for a while, and I just had this "this isn't right" feeling.

Added to this in November of last year, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. In reality I've probably had it much longer. I found the second half of 2015 very difficult. This was part of the reason I ended the relationship too - I barely have energy for myself, let alone her too when she also has mental health problems that are more serious than my own.

About a month before I ended it, I had the "I'm not sure I want to do this relationship anymore" talk with her.

Her response was 'don't cut me off if you're just going to cut something else.' In a very nasty way, not concerned.

It just felt so, so callous, and too well-thought out of a phrase to just be a spur thoughtless comment IYSWIM? especially when I have only once mentioned that my thoughts were turning that dark. I've spent about the last four or five years worried that she might take her own life, and I have been nothing but sympathetic and supportive. I would NEVER, ever, no matter how upset I was, have said something similar to her - not when I knew how triggering it could be to someone in a precarious state. As it was, I stayed with her another month, upset and confused and worried that maybe that WAS why I wanted to leave her.

I just can't bring together someone I was with for 3 years, who I was friends with for 10 years in total (my oldest friend), saying that to me when she fully understands the weight of saying something like that, to someone with my illnesses.

I don't know. Perhaps it was just her emotions in the moment, I know it's not exactly nice when someone dumps you, but still she said she wasn't surprised when I ended it.

I don't know. Is this the kind of thing people say when they're upset? Should I put it down to that? Am I being unreasonable being so upset about that one line, almost more upset than I am about anything else involving our relationship? I didn't mention it to her and we've been pretty much non-contact since then, so I can't get any closure on it from her. Help?

quicklydecides Tue 19-Jul-16 21:40:37

You've left out a key detail- do you self harm when upset?
If not, forget about the comment.
If you do, forget about the comment, people say stuff when upset.
Every time you think of the comment, don't indulge the thought. Say stop, and click your fingers. Move on from the comment.

FeckArseIndustries Tue 19-Jul-16 21:43:56

Only someone really horrible (or being kind, someone who was in too much anguish to consider the other person's feelings at the time) would come out with something like that. Are you sure she is a nice person, or is she only nice to people she likes? I think it might be pointless to confront her on this. Horrible people won't suddenly wise up and start being nice because you point out that they're horrible. I would stay no contact whatsoever and write her off tbh. I hope things get better for you soon. x

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