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How to avoid being a smug twat?

(6 Posts)
Thistledew Mon 18-Jul-16 16:01:17

This is a genuine plea for advice on how to manage new friendships/social relationships.

I have never found making friends easy. I get on well with most people and have a reasonably large group of acquaintances/more distant friends that I socialise with, but have for my whole life found it difficult to make that leap from 'social friend' to 'close friend'. This doesn't hugely bother me and I'm quite content with my social circle, but is more by way of illustration that I don't find social relationships all that easy, and have to put some conscious thought into maintaining and developing them.

I'm asking for some advice now on how to talk about achievements/accomplishments/good fortune, without sounding overly smug or boastful.

The trigger for this bout of navel gazing is that I have joined an NCT group, and would like to develop friendships with the other women that are part of it. What I am finding hard is to know how to talk about aspects of my pregnancy without sounding too smug or boastful. Although my pregnancy has not been completely plain sailing (it took me nearly 2 years to conceive, I had a bleed at 5 weeks and then again at 30 weeks) apart from a few minor symptoms, I have been exceedingly fortunate and found it all pretty easy. I didn't get morning sickness, I haven't been overly tired, and I have felt well and kept active right up until now. Most of us in the group have also recently tried colostrum harvesting, and have been swapping stories about how hard it is to produce a few ml to store. I have found it ridiculously easy, and have been producing as much in a single session expressing as the others have in total. I know that next time we meet up, this is likely to be discussed, and would like some views on how to talk about my own experiences without sounding like I'm bragging.

I think this is bothering me because it is the first thing in my life that I have 'achieved' without having had to work for it. I seem to manage talking about other achievements in my life- in my career, sporting success, and DIY projects, because I have had to work damn hard for those outcomes. This is the first thing I can think of that seems to be a result of simple good fortune (and I am well aware that there is still plenty of scope for my good fortune to change).

I know I am massively overthinking this, but it is bugging me for some reason, so I would be genuinely grateful for any thoughts/advice.

HotNatured Mon 18-Jul-16 17:17:00

Yes, you are massively overthinking this. Just be a good listener when your new friends are discussing their issues. You don't need to make a big deal out of how plain sailing it has been for you. Just be sympathetic.

I'm slim but one of my best friends is overweight and trying hard to lose weight. I can still listen to her and sympathise with her even tho I've been fortunate enough to have been born with a faster metabolism than her !

Cinnamon2013 Mon 18-Jul-16 17:27:27

You sound like you are naturally kind and thoughtful. You may find what you say is received differently to how you imagine. When I was struggling with some aspect or other of pregnancy/having a new baby and one of my NCT friends told me of their (easier) experience I often found it useful and encouraging. The last thing I wanted was to hear lots of other depressing stories about sleep etc! Yes some people are smug and it's annoying but they are usually not self-aware. You clearly are and I doubt very much you would come across that way.

I was fortunate enough to get pregnant after a month and my first pregnancy was fine. Some friends had been trying for years but it wasn't going to help them if I lied or played it down. I just tried to be tactful. Everyone has something happen. Your journey to conception hasn't been quick or easy really so I think it's very nice of you to be so caring. Good luck with it all.

TheNaze73 Mon 18-Jul-16 17:55:30

Don't sweat it OP. People would rather have honesty from new friends than any other trait. Good luck

BendydickCuminsnatch Mon 18-Jul-16 17:57:23

This is me! No-one wants to be my friend and I can't think of a reason why other than I must give off smug vibes. I really try not to!!

NattyTile Mon 18-Jul-16 18:20:01

Smug : "oh I never have that problem, I guess I'm just naturally healthy/designed to be pregnant/must have good genes."

Supportive "oh that isn't something I've experienced, but it sounds exhausting/horrid/worrying, poor you. I hope it passes soon."

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