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Please tell me i am doing the right thing

(12 Posts)
Crystalnoir Sun 17-Jul-16 20:44:29

I think i am going to leave my partner, we are not married, we have a 4 yr old daughter and its his house, i have no ties.

We split once before, he was abusive, i went to live with my parents as i could not afford a place of my own at that point, i wanted to save some money too. Unfortunately my mum became quite ill an it was no longer suitable for us to live there.
Things were ok between me and ex, we were getting on, i decided to move back into his, we were not back together at that point, the plan was still for me to move out.
Then... I found out he had met up with another woman a couple of times, he didnt do anything with her, but i got disgustingly jealous, told him so, and we eventually decided to give it another go, stupidly 😩

Nothing has changed, he is still lazy, messy, grumpy, rude, etc
I have been at work all weekend, there is no food in the house, but he hasnt bothered to go shopping as he is too tired from staying up until 7am 2 nights in a row! he is now snoring on the floor.

He is slipping back to his old abusive ways, he is soooo annoyed that i went to a 1day festival with a friend who bought my ticket for my birthday, he has made it really dificult for me for weeks, always moaning that 'he never gets to do anything' like a child, recently, no he hasnt done much (neither have i, apart from that) but a few months ago he spent 6 weekends in a row fishing, while i stayed home with dd.

I just feel so awful about hurting him, and he will hurt and could totally hit rock bottom, i feel and look like a total bitch for being responsible for that, and i do care about him, in a way. I am just so unhappy, i have to change my life for my dd's sake.

The good thing is, i should soon be in the position to be able to rent my own place, i will pass my driving test soon, and with dd of to school in september i will be able to go back to work full time, i have applied for a promotion at my current work place, if i dont get that i will look for something else, driving will open up so many more options.
I feel like i cant wait to get out, i fantasize about a place just for me and dd, and also about eventually meeting a decent bloke.

Sorry for the long post, thanks for reading if you made it this far

I am doing the right thing arent i?

Itsnowornever01 Sun 17-Jul-16 20:48:14

Yes you are doing the right thing you sound amazing flowers

CalleighDoodle Sun 17-Jul-16 20:48:41

You are definitely doing the right thing. Abusive people are abusive people. This is what he is. He is also lazy and selfish.

He won't be hurt, he will be annoyed, so dont feel guilty.

Good luck with the interview

Hassled Sun 17-Jul-16 20:48:55

It sounds to me like you're doing the right thing, yes. Do you think you'll be able to salvage an amicable relationship re your DD out of it? Good luck smile

Puff42 Sun 17-Jul-16 20:48:56

Absolutely you're doing the right thing. You have everything planned, you just need to do it now.

Crystalnoir Sun 17-Jul-16 20:57:57

Wow, thank you for all the replies.

I think he will hate me to be honest, i will be as nice as possible but i dont know how amicable he will be, he can be nasty when he wants to be.

LellyMcKelly Sun 17-Jul-16 21:08:21

Yes, you are SO doing the right think. It will be tough - nothing worthwhile is ever easy, but you sound strong, and resilient, you work hard, and you deserve to be happy. xx

2kids2dogsnosense Sun 17-Jul-16 21:22:59

Wow! Get out NOW!

Apart from the fact that his untenable behaviour is awful for you, it is teaching your daughter that that's what men do, and women pick up and shut up! You don't want this life for either of you.

And it's doing him no favours either - he'll never grow up if you let him behave like a child - and you can't stop him.

Crystalnoir Sun 17-Jul-16 21:25:10

I am dreading the day i tell him....

I wasnt going to tell him until the day i leave, i dont know if thats the right thing to do or not...

EverythingWillBeFine Sun 17-Jul-16 21:27:39

Yes you are doing the rigt thing. No hesitation about it.

it doesn't matter if he hates you. He doesn't show any love towards you atm anyway does he?

What I would plan ahead is what you want to see happening re contact with your dd. Maybe see a sollicitor about that before you move out (But please don't make it an excuse to stay!!)

LetMeJustStepOnMySoapbox Sun 17-Jul-16 21:31:36

yes wait until you're ready to go or he might kick you out with nothing.

Crystalnoir Sun 17-Jul-16 21:38:20

No he shows me no love except when he wants sex, in fact i feel like his maid and his mum with his childish behaviour, but to be honest, i dont show him much love, Because i dont actually love him!

I have a really good relationship with his mum and step dad, so im sure i could go through them re contact. he's not really that bothered about spending time with her anyway, never has been, see's looking after to her as doing me a favour and likes to refer to her as 'your daughter' if she has played up, but she plays up because he doesnt pay her any attention when he has her.

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