Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

It is ok to ignore this guy now isn't it?

(20 Posts)
BethDawes Sun 17-Jul-16 15:29:20

I have been "seeing" someone since February. It is long distance so mainly messaging and phone calls, we have seen each other a couple of times and was very nice and all that. Anyway the last time I saw him, we slept together and it was great. Except he stopped messaging me or calling me for almost three days straight afterwards, where he has been in contant daily, often more than once. I will admit it felt really shit and I was very down about it. Then he started messaging and calling like nothing had happened. OK then. So it picked up and carried as normal. Saw him again and he did it AGAIN! not as long, but still went silent. He messaged me again on Friday and I have not replied. I don't want to. I don't want to feel like shit for days at a time, which is what it happening. It has got to the point where it has made me quite anxious about looking at my social media etc. I don't want to talk to him about it and I don't want to message him anymore. I just want to block him and forget it. That is fine isn't it? I am all for good communication but I really don't like being made to feel like this and I don't think he actually deserves my communication or an explanation that I don't particularly feel like giving.

Bessiebigpants Sun 17-Jul-16 15:30:59

Totally fine,Block,delete,ignore.

fuzzywuzzy Sun 17-Jul-16 15:31:48

I think that's completely fine.

If you want delete and block him on your social media and find someone who treats you well.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 17-Jul-16 15:37:46

"I don't want to talk to him about it and I don't want to message him anymore."

Absolutely fine. You owe him nothing, so nothing he will get.

BethDawes Sun 17-Jul-16 15:39:12

Thanks. My friends said "well just send him a message telling him how it makes you feel" but I don't see the point really. At this early stage I have already started feeling apprehensive about how he is going to behave. He must be feeling conflicted himself or he wouldn't go quiet would he? It is bizarre. I feel a bit crap about it all to be honest but I feel in control doing this, which I like as I have often felt out of control and being swept along by the other person's choices in previous relationships.

Choceeclair123 Sun 17-Jul-16 15:45:41

Wonder why he messaged you again on Friday hey? Hoping for some weekend fun maybe? It's not looking good is it I'd block him. If you ignore him he'll probably be really keen to get in touch with you as him and his precious ego will be wondering why you're not chasing after him. Sounds like he's just after a leg over.

temporarilyjerry Sun 17-Jul-16 15:51:20

well just send him a message telling him how it makes you feel

and give him the satisfaction of knowing you're bothered?

No, you're way is better.

SkydivingFerret Sun 17-Jul-16 15:51:28

Nope block him. What a dick

tofutti Sun 17-Jul-16 15:56:07

As they say: fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Don't let him fool you a second time. Absolutely delete and block.

ReallyNoEyeDeer Sun 17-Jul-16 16:47:08

Sounds like this is a short lived silence after sex and he comes back after that. If you like him, I'd go for discussing it in a calm and neutral way and see what he says. It maybe he's a dick but it could equally be he's feeling overwhelmed by the intimacy and wants a bit of space.

I have to say I think that the "rubberband" theory (proposed by the guy who wrote Men are from Mars/women from venus) does apply in some cases but in a lot of cases, it's just a man being an arsehole.. It can also be a reason for women to wrongly hold out hope that he's not being an arsehole. For rubberband theory see here:

askmarsvenus.com/Article.php?id=179

www.wattpad.com/11161479-men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-venus-chapter-6

There can be an element of truth in it in some cases. I think you need to work out whether in your case it could apply and it's worth communicating about or whether you should just let it go.

Mrsrochesterscat Sun 17-Jul-16 17:01:28

That rubber band theory sounds like a load of excuses to me - men and women are not all that different (if at all). It should be easy at this stage - if he's not behaving in a way that demonstrates how lucky he feels to have you in his life, then either he's not ready or he doesn't feel all that lucky!

Go with your own decision. You know yourself and the dynamics of your relationship with him better than your friends. You don't feel he deserves your attention. I would happen to agree with you, but that's by the by - it's how you feel that matters. You owe him nothing.

nicenewdusters Sun 17-Jul-16 19:26:00

Yep, block/delete/ignore etc.

You owe "Mr Be Nice To Her So She Sleeps With Me" nothing. Stay in control.

WellErrr Sun 17-Jul-16 19:37:12

Yes, ignore.

The twat.

sykadelic Sun 17-Jul-16 20:02:42

I actually wouldn't just delete and ignore simply because that's exactly the behaviour that you're here complaining about.

Be the adult one and text: "this isn't working for me anymore so it's time we end things. Discussion won't change anything and just cause upset so I'll be blocking your number. I wish you the best".

Then block and delete. If you have friends in common I'd warn them in case he asks them but otherwise I wouldn't think about it anymore

honeyroar Mon 18-Jul-16 01:52:38

I admire you for recognising a flaky bloke when you see one, it used to take me months!

I don't think it's a bad thing to just drop him, but skyadelic has a point, something along those lines would be good.

expatinscotland Mon 18-Jul-16 01:57:06

Block and delete. He's a twat.

LesisMiserable Mon 18-Jul-16 21:03:14

I think the problem is that a couple of days not messaging a man you've known a couple of months makes you feel shit as adult. That needs to be addressed regardless of this.

NickiFury Mon 18-Jul-16 21:04:51

A couple is TWO at a push THREE. OP says she has been seeing him since February, that is SIX months.

Fomalhaut Mon 18-Jul-16 21:10:31

I'd send a message along the lines of 'been fun but this isn't working for me. All the best.'
Then delete. He's using you as a booty call.

LesisMiserable Mon 18-Jul-16 21:11:50

She said she had seen him "a couple of times". The rest is texting and calls.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now