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Teenage friendships/relationships when do they grow up?!

(10 Posts)
Whenwillthisphaseend Sun 17-Jul-16 11:27:39

Just that really, DD is 15 and all her friendships are very volatile/fragile. Things are great for a few weeks then they all turn on one another and can be vile, verging on bullying behaviour. I'm not saying DD is an angel as I expect she's as bad as the rest of them it's just so tedious and painful when it's their "turn" to be pushed out, left with no one and the centre of gossip and no end of bitching. DD has been crying pretty much all weekend , I think they forget what it's even about but starts as he said she said bollocks and escalates fast from there and becomes a witch hunt/hate campaign. I try and not worry about it and hope this phase passes, it's just so awful seeing her so down with the constant pinging of the phone with fresh drama.

ApocalypseSlough Sun 17-Jul-16 12:07:39

I saw this but didn't post because I have experience. So this is mainly bump.
But also What do you say when she tells you about these dramas? Do you affect sympathetic disinterest, good imo, or you get in the ring with her, giving it all more gravitas?
My DDs have never had friendship dramas because they've never engaged- they are kind and have good friends but are bemused when it ups a notch. They've also never heard me or my DH go through friendship dramas- not just because we don't have them but because we don't chat about them.

Whenwillthisphaseend Sun 17-Jul-16 12:21:43

I also have never experienced friendships dramas , it's just bizarre there is 0 loyalty between any of them and it's just so unhealthy. I try not to get overly involved really, just advise her to ignore, block, stop reacting and it will die down, find some decent friends, not to involve herself when it's happening to someone else as that makes her just as bad blah blah blah, then she cries "your never on my side" and I say I don't take sides in teenage dramas I feel bad it's happening to you but when it happened to X I'm sure you didn't jump to defend them or make sure they weren't alone. DD didn't used to involve herself but over the last 18 months she does, it's incredibly childish and difficult as I feel sad for her but she doesn't really follow advice on how to move forward just gets caught up, think they forget what it's even about in the end , it's like a pack mentality! Getting her into school is proving really difficult and can't see how she focuses on working when they have these constant dramas taking over their lives!

ApocalypseSlough Sun 17-Jul-16 13:14:00

Oh poor thing, it sounds really difficult and an unhealthy friendship group. Can you encourage her to broaden her social group? 15 is a difficult age but does she do any sports clubs? She's also of an age when she could engage in drama, church, political activities. It might dilute the effect of school friends.
flowers

ApocalypseSlough Sun 17-Jul-16 13:16:53

And having said rise above it all, I think you definitely can be on her side! You can even play on it by saying, I will always put you first so don't tell me things about your friends that will make it difficult for me to be friendly with them in the future!

Lilaclily Sun 17-Jul-16 13:20:48

I think with a weekend like this would it work to say ' right dd put down the phone / Instagram / what's app ' etc and we are going out just you & me

To see the ad fab movie or spoil her shopping etc

Whenwillthisphaseend Sun 17-Jul-16 13:26:54

Yeah I think she knows I care and support her but I have witnessed her joining in when it's others turn, forgetting how much it hurts. I wish she would take part in an extra curricular activity but she won't, she lost all interest in her activities when puberty hit and no amount of gentle nudging gets her back there, life is very much social media based sad

HuskyLover1 Sun 17-Jul-16 13:31:33

It stops when they leave school. Then, they only keep in contact with the girls they really get on with. My DD left school in May, and it's been so much calmer ever since.

Whenwillthisphaseend Sun 17-Jul-16 13:35:03

Only another year to go confused , she is drawn to the people she regards as "cool" who seem to be the ones incapable of real friendship, it's all rather shallow.

Whenwillthisphaseend Sun 17-Jul-16 13:47:00

I did offer lunch out or day trip she declined!

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