Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

My partner hit me

(54 Posts)
DeeDee123azAZ09 Sat 16-Jul-16 16:41:26

It's quite a long story but about a month ago my partner got angry, stormed upstairs in to our bedroom one night demanding my phone because he has trust issues. I gave him my phone and he saw a message from a friend's mum telling me something personal, he didn't like it... Locked me in the bedroom, kicked me in the leg, elbowed my in the face, threw me to the floor, chocked me and pushed my face in to the floor then hit me in the back of my head. He did all this while our baby girl slept in her cot in the same bedrooom. He didn't apologize as he said I deserved it. He constantly puts me down and times me if I go see my family, if we argue he calls me fat (knowing I'm struggling with an eating disorder) since he has stomped on my phone and has nicknamed me chubs or chunks, grabs my wobbly parts and says what's this bit... Maybe you should calm down with the eating...

He left me 2 months after our little girl was born because he couldn't cope with me having male friend's and told my friend he wanted to hit me. I got close with a guy (the one who the argument started about) I told him and apologized for what had happened before we got back together.

He says I made him do something he'll regret. Months before his ex girlfriend (who he has children to) contacted me and told me he used to hit her on regular occasions so I confronted him and he said he did but he was a changed person and he would never hurt me and I believed him up until he did.
Since that night he has got really lazy, won't feed, bath or get up in the night with our little girl and says her crying stresses him out I'm worried it will happen again, I have no friends anymore and aren't allowed to talk to anyone that isn't family. I don't know what to do anymore. He's the love of my life I don't want to leave him but I keep thinking maybe it was a one off and it won't happen again as long as I keep him happy.

Any advice would be appreciated sad

thestamp Sat 16-Jul-16 16:44:39

He is going to kill you. You have to phone the police immediately. Ring 101 and tell then what has happened and they will tell you what to do next.

This isn't negotiable, what has happened to you is absolutely monstrous. He is a criminal. He will end up murdering you. Please please please ring 101, for your DD if for nothing else

Nanny0gg Sat 16-Jul-16 16:45:22

He is not the 'love of your life' he is an abusive arse.

Have you family you can go to? You need to leave because he won't change and you shouldn't have to.

And you don't need to subject your daughter to this.

OlennasWimple Sat 16-Jul-16 16:48:53

Police and Women's Aid

Get the hell out of there

RebelRogue Sat 16-Jul-16 16:51:16

He's an abusive arsehole. You don't love him,you love the idea you have of him. He's emotionally and physically abusing you,and it will get worse. Do you want your daughter to grow up to think that's how relationships are,that's how women are treated?
Ring the police,ring women's aid,tell family. And most importantly,leave before it's not too late.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Sat 16-Jul-16 16:52:53

Where abouts in the country are you?

There's an MNer on every corner. We can help you.

ButIbeingpoor Sat 16-Jul-16 16:53:30

Think of your child. What if he turned his anger towards your baby? How can a violent man be a good example to your child?
Leave him and contact the police. For your child's sake if not yours.

RJnomore1 Sat 16-Jul-16 16:53:31

Oh love

It's not going to be a one off. But you know that.

The others are right. Do you feel able to tell the police? Or to tell someone in real life who can help you?

missybct Sat 16-Jul-16 16:54:28

Look up the documentary/drama - Murdered By My Boyfriend. And get out, for you and your precious little girl flowers

Somerville Sat 16-Jul-16 16:55:19

You can put him first and stay in the relationship. Or put your daughter first and phone women's aid and the police, to end the relationship as safely as possible, and with full legal advice and emotional support.

If you don't contact the authorities then you're not just staying at risk yourself, but putting your baby at great risk. Emotional damage from watching him hurt you. Physical damage when he lays into her. Potentially even losing custody of her, (either if he hurts you more and social services find out and consider that you're putting him ahead of her safety, or if none of the abuse is logged and he goes to court to get 50/50 custody.)

FuzzyEyes Sat 16-Jul-16 17:03:46

You are lucky his ex told you about what he is like.
Face up to the fact that you need to make a plan and get some distance from him.
Obviously there is the domestic violence helpline and Womensaid to help you get a refuge. But there is also the Sanctuary Scheme to give you the option of kicking him out, getting the locks changed and staying in your own home and creating a safe room.

You know, don't you OP that what you are saying is textbook stuff?

Good luck to you and your child. flowers

EveryoneElsesMumSaidYes Sat 16-Jul-16 17:08:42

This man is a psycopath, why don't you want to leave him? What positive contribution does he make that makes him 'the love of your life.
Your partners behaviour is not normal or loving and you don't deserve any of this.
You know you need to leave now, if not for your own wellbeing for your daughter's safety.

Lilly948204 Sat 16-Jul-16 17:12:06

If your little girl was 20 years older and had described what you have above would you tell her to stay in the hope that he wouldn't do it again, or would you tell her to get the hell out of there?

Joysmum Sat 16-Jul-16 17:13:57

Bet his ex thought he was the love of her life too until she realised tgat a man who does this could never be.

MephistoMarley Sat 16-Jul-16 17:15:44

If you stay with him your child will end up in care. Probably adopted if she's still only a baby. He could kill you and her if she gets in the way. He's not the love of your life - you're kidding yourself. Womens aid please, they will help

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine Sat 16-Jul-16 17:19:43

You can not describe anyone who treats you like he owns you and has tried to kill you as the love of your life.

If he does it again and succeeds, would you really want your child to be left with only that bastard as a parent?

You must get away from him.

TheRealAdaLovelace Sat 16-Jul-16 17:26:14

the thing is, by allowing him to stay in your life, you are putting your child at risk; social services could remove her from your care.
Please contact WomensAid and leave this poor excuse for a man.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Sat 16-Jul-16 17:29:19

Usually the first time a man hits a woman, it's a single slap or a kick. Then it escalates from there.
This bloke has gone from 0—60 the first time. The slightest escalation will be a broken nose or arm.

The love of your life should not raise his hand to you

Goingtobeawesome Sat 16-Jul-16 17:32:17

He's already warned you its your fault he hits you and will again and the baby will be next. Get out while you're both still alive.

Joysmum Sat 16-Jul-16 17:32:47

Usually the first time a man hits a woman, it's a single slap or a kick. Then it escalates from there. This bloke has gone from 0—60 the first time

Except he habitually hit his ex so he's a long way away from this being a first time sad

FreeFromHarm Sat 16-Jul-16 17:42:40

Police, womens aid and leave ....please

CiaoVerona Sat 16-Jul-16 18:13:08

I'm not normally one to say LTB in this instance I have to agree with previous posters hes a dangerous man I would advise calling the police explaining his past abuse ,have him arrested and leave, I would think you can get some type of barring order.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking you're the problem and you can fix this. Men like him cannot be fixed.

Without trying to be alarming, if you read anything about domestic abusers who go on to kill their partners you'll find hes right in that group.

tribpot Sat 16-Jul-16 18:20:49

Never mind whether he's the love of your life, you need to love your life. Or you will lose it. Choking is a very significant red flag, did you know that? He could have killed you accidentally last time.

The fact that he's now demonstrating how lazy and uncaring he is towards your child is because he doesn't care to keep up the pretence of being a decent person any more. He knows you're too terrified of what might happen if you pull him up on it. This is the best your relationship will ever be again, it only goes downhill from here.

Did you grow up seeing this kind of behaviour in your own home?

SharkSkinThing Sat 16-Jul-16 18:25:30

If you can't leave for you, leave for your baby.

Because - and I'm sorry to say it - if he does this to you, he'll do it to her.

Please, please, please leave. Where are you right now?

iremembericod Sat 16-Jul-16 18:25:31

Oh honey, you have to get out.
It sounds like he has cut off your support network so you will have to either reconnect with a very trusted person or discretely phone women's aid.

I'm actually quite concerned of his escalation potential if he gets wind that you might be leaving him...he will not just let you go. You must do any work to leave in absolute secret AND NOT ON YOUR OWN.

How does it feel thinking about leaving? Are you scared?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now