Why is it good to be single?

[polkadotrocks]

I hate being single. Hate it. So much that in the last 20 years I have only been single for around 6 months.

But I find myself trying and trying to make doomed relationships work just so I am not on my own.

But I want to try to be single for 6 months so I can reset my knobhead radar!

Please give me things you like about it and why it's good. Help!

[iremembericod]

But I find myself trying and trying to make doomed relationships work just so I am not on my own.

So you are giving away yourself to people who don't deserve it - you might want to have a look at that.

There are a billion reasons why being single is brilliant but if you only want to be single for a while so you can be better at relationships, I fear your quest is doomed.

[polkadotrocks]

I have just started counselling, only one session so far but am hopeful. I want to make changes.

I set the 6 month target as something to allow time to work on myself. I would love it if I get to that point and realise I actually am enjoying being single
.

[Halfwayoranges]

• watch your own tv shows in the evening (I've just got into one and I love it)
  
• you can create yourself over again and know yourself better (sounds cheesy but true!)
  
• if you have money, go abroad, even if for a weekend
  
• focus on healthy eating and exercise
  
• strengthen friendships as you have more time
  

There's more.

I don't like being single either, but life can be much better single than with the wrong person

[loveyoutothemoon]

Pigging out without being watched!
No arguments
Not having to discuss decisions
Not having a male make a mess
Having lots of space without offending
Early nights

[surereadyforchange]

Doing what you want.
Knowing yourself.
More time to do what you want, eg see friends, hobbies.
Reading in bed at night with a massive packet of crisps to yourself, wine and face pack not having to impress anyone.
Dont have to compromise
Have your own space exactly how you want it. Not having to do as much washing and cleaning :)
Control of your own life, so can be more true to self.
But the absolute best thing is knowing no one can pull the rug out from under me cause I'm not emotionally invested in anyone other than my DC and i support myself. Which makes me feel so much more secure and happy, you wouldnt believe.
Just living a peaceful fulfilling life.. which sounds selfish but it's great.
And i never thought i would say any of the above cause I used to always feel like i needed a boyfriend but I've really 'found myself' since I chose to be single and feel so much happier.
These days someone would need to be very special for me to give up singledom.

[TheNaze73]

I think it's the being able to do whatever you want, when you want that is good.

[VestalVirgin]

Others mentioned a lot of things already.

Add to that almost all the threads on this forum, by women who have relationship problems - a single doesn't have most of those problems!

Assuming that you are female and heterosexual, the absence of any feeling that you have to have heterosexual intercourse will give you:

• no pregnancy scares
  
• no urinary tract infections unless you are really unlucky
  
• no need to be on any kind of hormonal contraception
  

Why do you fear being single so much? When did you start getting into relationships? Is it just that you hate to live alone? You could find a roommate.

[BubblingUp]

I've been single my entire life and know no different. I'm 52 and it isn't due to lack of interest by men. I like living my own life, doing my own thing, entertaining my own interests. Dating is fine. It's fun. Or not, then it's a story to tell. But to waste time with a loser? Why??? Why do that? Why sacrifice your life just to say you are part of a couple? You get to have your own life, defined by you, not a life relative to someone else's life and defined by them. Don't turn your life over to someone else.

[TCKE]

Following

[Gabilan]

I find myself trying and trying to make doomed relationships work just so I am not on my own

That's your answer right there. One of the good things about being single is not being with a dickhead. Not compromising. Not having your life picked over and criticised. Not cleaning up someone else's shit. Doing what you want, when you want, going to bed when you want and only worrying about where the cat is.

I've been single for years. I miss having sex and sometimes miss having someone to talk to although neither of those are things you need to be in a relationship for. Otherwise it's fine.

[INeedNewShoes]

By far the biggest pro to being single is the absolute freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want with whoever you want!

Of my 12 or so good friends who are in relationships, only two of them are in the sort of relationship I would want - where the two of them are equals. All my other friends are in relationships where either they are being controlled by their partner, or they are controlling their partner (even if it is relatively mild, to me this isn't what I would aspire to for a long-term relationship).

[DowntonDiva]

No arguments
No one making you feel insecure
Watch, eat, do whatever you want when you want
Your home is your sanctuary
Discover and enjoy the things that make YOU happy
The whole bed to yourself - STARFISH
Discover hobbies you never knew you'd like
Plot out your own life, head in the direction you want with nothing holding you back

[Janefromdowntheroad]

Not to lower the tone but all those sexy men you see are available to you should you wish to utilise them for sexual purposes (only the single ones obviously).

You can literally flirt, chat and have sex with whoever you fancy. It's the thrill of the unknown every time, will they be good, will you have a night of mind blowing sex, it's like a kinder surprise!

[Janefromdowntheroad]

It's my favourite thing about being single!

[BacktoZak]

Being able to put all your energy into things that make you happy instead of trying to make shit relationships good & all that
Being able to say 'fuck it' more.
Early nights with book or even excessive amounts of Mumsnet

[polkadotrocks]

Ooh, thank you, lots to read through.

I have a good life - great children, own home, good job, really amazing friends.

Yet somehow I feel....less special if someone doesn't want me as their girlfriend. I am aware how truly pathetic that sounds. This is why I am trying to address it all now.

[iremembericod]

Women Who Love Too Much might be a good book to read alongside your therapy

[pieceofpurplesky]

OP it's not that someone doesn't want you as a girlfriend it is that you have chosen not to have a boyfriend.
I have learnt to love me again after two years single and having myself broken by my narcissistic exh.
I do things that make me and DS happy - not what I hope will please him and make him like me!
I don't have to put the washing away the second it is done, I can have my tea at 530 with DS and not have to wait until 8 when ex liked his dinner served etc.
Learn to love you and then you will in turn love someone who is deserving of you

[polkadotrocks]

iremember I have just bought that book!

And Purplesky - that rings true with me. This last relationship has broken me....I tried so bloody hard and it wasn't enough. I felt like I was jumping through hoops by the end, yet somehow didn't have it in me to end it.

I want to feel happy enough with myself that I am never in that position again.

[pocketsaviour]

Don't have to buy shit that you don't use (eggs, milk, teabags)
No wasting time listening to them drone on about their day at work
Watch the films and TV that you want
Don't have to bother shaving your legs unless going on the pull
Have sex with anyone you want
Or just masturbate a lot
No snoring to keep you awake
Nobody nicking the duvet

I mean okay there are a few downsides. Sometimes it's handy to have someone at home to give you a hand with heavy jobs. And sex on tap is undeniably a good thing. But there's no fucking way I'm giving up my freedom for the sake of an ocassional handyman and sex toy.

[polkadotrocks]

Yeah, the sex on tap I miss!

But, there's the emotional stress and drama that's wrapped up in it too. Think my life needs a rest from that!

[lolo14]

No explaining when I want to go to bed at 07:00

[polkadotrocks]

Yes! And am sitting here with kids in bed, a glass of red and watching crappy TV.

Tonight, I am OK being single.

[planeymcplaneface]

Im 24 and ive been single since i was 19 and its a case of you dont miss what you dont have. I know ill find someone thats right for me one day but in the meantime its just me ds and ddog and that is just fine with me even if ddog is cuddling into me while taking up nearly all the bed haha

[ShotsFired]

I hate being single. Hate it. So much that in the last 20 years I have only been single for around 6 months.

Because being single makes you not need to be in a relationship!

I spent most of my adult life single and I turned into a good, strong person who, by simple dint of having to, got on with life and everything it entailed - bought my own house, lived abroad for a bit, got a good job/career, learnt DIY and other practical skills, learnt to budget (and live well) on a single income, holiday etc.

I saw too many friends effectively turn into half a person, unable to do anything for themselves, think for themselves etc. Crucially, they were unable to be single, and then settle for inadequate men.

I'm now coupled up and still have periods of needing to be myself and show myself I haven't lost my independence, or whatever that spark is called.

Oh, and there was ALWAYS a cool pillow to rest my head on. That's probably the thing I miss the most.