Hello,
I've been struggling with knowing I'm if being unfair in regards to my relationship and was hoping to get some objective opinions from people that don't know me/us.
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, we both have health issues so are currently unable to work - this is relevant to my main concern. He is "more well" than I am, over the last year for example he has been able to leave the house 5/6 days a week. I can manage 1 or 2. During our relationship I've completed a degree (part time, distance learning) and have just started volunteering 1 day a week. He has done nothing.
I have never pushed the issue because I know his health background, understand that it is difficult after a break to get back into employment/ study but I'm finding myself becoming increasingly resentful towards him due to his lack of drive. I've tried suggesting things I know he'd be interested in, occasionally suggesting a course might be a good way to start moving forward etc but he always finds excuses why he can't do things. I'm not expecting him to go out and be able to get a job tomorrow and I understand that long term illness, unemployment and depression are all part of things being more difficult which is why I've never pushed the issue but I don't feel like expecting some kind of effort in the space of a year to be too much to ask for? Am I being unfair expecting him to do something I'm not currently doing myself? I think part of the reason I feel so resentful is that I'd love to be able to get a part time job so find it difficult to understand why he isn't taking the opportunity to at least work towards something. I'm finding myself becoming more withdrawn from him, withdrawing from affection/intimacy which I know is unfair but I'm finding his lack of drive really unattractive at the moment and that his lack of effort is something deeper that won't change. I'm wondering if I just need to be more patient and give him time to sort himself out or if its just a part of his personality that wasn't apparent before because of the health issues?
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Relationships
Am I being too judgemental?
4 replies
Ali89 · 11/07/2016 16:47
OP posts:
0dfod ·
11/07/2016 20:40
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