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I've just been dumped

(19 Posts)
thumbinapie Mon 11-Jul-16 15:21:37

I know this isn't nearly as serious as some of the problems on here but I have nobody to talk to in real life so am just looking for some words of wisdom here!

I was seeing a man I'd known for a couple of years for around 3 months. Taking it slowly but all very lovely, he was SO into me and very affectionate. There were lots of practical things that worried me (like he had a child and a demanding job so didn't have much time for me, he basically would never be able to move cities or go on exotic holidays and I love to move around and travel etc) but I liked him enough that I was already thinking I'd be happy to give those things up to be with him.

So this morning he sent me a really long message saying he didn't want to continue the relationship and just saw me as a friend. He was very nice about it and apologised a lot. I told him that was fine and I understood.

Thing is, I just feel really gutted. He was the first person I've had strong feeling for for a long time. I know it was early days and I'm lucky it didn't go too far before it ended - and I never met his child. I can't sleep or eat or get that horrible feeling out of the pit of my stomach. I've been less upset when long term relationships have ended.

Any advice? Could really do with a hand to hold right now.

MassiveStrumpet Mon 11-Jul-16 15:25:02

I'm sorry you're going through this. He sounds like a good guy. But you will just have to feel shitty for a while. It won't last that long. You'll be able to eat and sleep before long and the general sadness will fade.

Just take care of yourself. Go no contact with him. Go to friends and people who love you and take it easy.

FreckledLeopard Mon 11-Jul-16 15:30:58

I'm so sorry. It's a horrible position to be in. Not sure I have much wisdom, but the only advice I can offer is to keep as busy as possible. Distract as much as you can. I couldn't bear to be alone and leaned on friends as much as I could. flowers

SandyY2K Mon 11-Jul-16 15:40:20

Sorry about that . It's pretty hard at times.

I've sent you a PM with a link specifically around breaking up.

Claraoswald36 Mon 11-Jul-16 15:49:27

Sounds like the guy I dated until a year ago. I was gutted but I knew he wasn't in love with me. I met someone else v quickly and we are v much in love. You will move on flowers

spankhurst Mon 11-Jul-16 15:52:04

It's a kick in the stomach when it happens, but the pain will fade, and you'll be OK. flowers

It just wasn't meant to be. Have a big glass of wine and be kind to yourself. x

thumbinapie Wed 13-Jul-16 19:09:57

Thank you all for your support. I still can't get rid of that horrible feeling of emptiness and upset in the pit of my stomach. Also, I'm 34 and feeling that time is running out for me to meet someone lovely and have a family.

CiaoVerona Thu 14-Jul-16 01:18:43

Well, its not unusual to feel at a loss when you think you've found someone special, it really will pass. Id try and stay busy, nothing worse then spending too much time thinking.

34 is young you've plenty of time to meet a nice man. Be kind to yourself you will be ok.smile

GeekyWombat Thu 14-Jul-16 03:47:31

Time isn't running out Thumb

I'm so sorry this is happening and hope you have some cake or wine nearby.

You sound lovely. Keep busy, try and keep smiling (fake it till you make it) and take comfort that it'll pass. Keep open to new opportunities and experiences and who knows who you'll meet smile

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Thu 14-Jul-16 03:53:01

It's a shitty feeling, regardless of how long wine

It's cold comfort, but it's good he was honest and it ended without a lot of animosity.

When you find the right one, there won't be any of those nagging feelings or obstacles-it'll just be right.

fanniboz Thu 14-Jul-16 08:50:56

Bless you, OP. Break ups are so hard, no matter how long it's been or how insignificant it seems to other relationships. Pamper yourself and take your time moving on. The perfect man will be there when you're ready, you're absolutely not running out of time flowers

merville Thu 14-Jul-16 18:11:20

Have a feeling there's something up with him & his situation that contributed to his decision .. he['s possibly not ready for another commitment, not truly over his marriage breakdown .. either way all that matters to you is he decided not to continue seeing you.

Painful, but as I read somewhere "the world falls apart, then in time the world puts itself back together again".
You will meet someone else sooner or later; many women on here met their partners in their mid 30's and later. Many women also get pregnant naturally in their late 30's, early 40's & there's always fertility treatment if necessary. You're only 34. We're v good at over-aging ourselves (!)

These breakups can be harder than a long-term relationship because you haven't yet come out of the honeymoon period, and you haven't gotten past the 'glamorous', at a distance perception of them; where you weren't living together, dealing with laundry, grocery shopping, hairs in the sink, the mundane etc.
Also in long-term relationships you often have full understanding of how it broke down and what the issues were from both sides, it happens gradually; here he has just decided unilaterally without that incremental breakdown with 2 way issues. A lot of people I know have felt hit harder by and left wondering what happened & why over short-term relationships than long-term ones.
Give yourself time and do absol everything you can to get out and do stuff, stay busy, try new things and meet new people.

merville Thu 14-Jul-16 18:21:42

p.s. People who end relationships by email or text - imo are cretins to some extent. Some may disagree but I find it immature, disrespectful & somewhat cowardly; they were able to turn up in person to date you, but not able to turn up in person to end a relationship with you. That would lower my estimation of him as a good potential partner anyway.
A friend of a friend had a guy come around to her house and end a relationship of a couple of months, she got upset and my friend's comments were "imagine; causing you to cry and in your own home!" ... but actually looking back I think he had a lot more balls & respect than most people do nowadays, at least he spoke to her in person.

sweetdispair Thu 14-Jul-16 19:12:17

Thumb I'm currently going through the same situation. We were 4 months in and everything seemed great, I was incredibly happy, he seemed happy, then out of the blue I received a long message saying he felt the relationship had ran its course, the distance between us was a strain (50 mins) and it just wasn't right for him. Like your ex he was incredibly nice about it, said I was wonderful and he didn't have a bad word to say about me.

I'm absolutely devastated. Full of anxiety, I can't stop thinking about him, wondering if he misses me, hoping he'll realise he's made a mistake. It's torture sad To top it off I feel so silly for feeling like this over someone I knew for only 4 months, surely it should be easier?

thumbinapie Fri 15-Jul-16 11:39:29

Oh sweet, I'm sorry you are going through the same thing.

We are still facebook friends (I unfollowed him but can't help myself looking) and today he posted some pictures and tagged his (much younger, very hot, newly single) female friend in it. I have more than a sneaking suspicion that something is going on.

Trying to tell myself that he's done me a favour and it wouldn't have worked out anyway. Still walking around with that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

amypie86 Fri 15-Jul-16 16:45:32

I've been feeling exactly the same about a guy I was only with for two months sad I think the other person was right about it sometimes hurting more when it's a new relationship. It's awful but I'm starting to feel better now after about 3 weeks. The best thing is going no contact because you get used to not speaking to them and don't constantly check your phone hoping for a text. Unfollowing him on Facebook is a good idea, just try not to keep checking his profile because you can assume all sorts from his posts. Just remember your imagination can create the worst case scenario (like something going on with his single friend) when in reality he could have been being completely honest in that text he sent you.

It will get better I promise smile

sweetdispair Sat 16-Jul-16 16:14:07

Thumb they have done us a favour. They clearly didn't see the potential in the relationship that we did, dragging it on further would have only blocked the door for someone even more special to walk into our lives.

I hope you're feeling better today! Try to distract yourself with something you enjoy when you notice those thoughts of him creeping in or feel an urge to look at his Facebook. I've got back in the gym and started reading a new book which has helped massively.

I've had a good day, the rose tinted glasses are off and I'm seeing our relationship for what it was rather than what it could have been. Although I still believe he is an amazing man, he wasn't an amazing boyfriend. He did make me happy and feel good, but never did anything out of the ordinary for me. I put more effort into our relationship than he did, I was too good to him (he admitted this in the break up message). So it's him who's lost out, not me.

thumbinapie Sun 17-Jul-16 19:52:47

Thanks for the messages sweet and amy!

I'm still feeling pretty terrible to be honest. I've been on some dating apps this week and had a couple of really nice dates this weekend. Both actually much more suitable for me than he was (better looking, better educated, better jobs etc) and both have asked me out again- but I can't stop thinking about him.

LesisMiserable Tue 19-Jul-16 10:28:07

I really wouldn't go on any dates yet. If you are so emotionally vulnerable over such a short relationship then you NEED to be on your own without dating for a while to force yourself to prove to yourself (nobody else) that your own company is ok. Otherwise you will keep validating yourself by your dates and the break ups will hurt all the more. Yes I guess you've subconsciously proved you can date someone 'better' this last few days now prove you don't need to in order to get other this. You'll come out stronger I guarantee .

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