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Is it all in my head?

(12 Posts)
ricecrispies16 Mon 11-Jul-16 13:02:47

I need some opinions please - I feel completely headfucked and can not see clear anymore sad

Little bit of background - been with my partner for just over a year now, I'm pregnant (due end of the month), have a 2 year old daughter to my ex partner.

Have had my suspicions that he's abusive for a long time - I say suspicions because I don't know if I'm being hormonal, if he's justified in what he does or that I'm being blind or over reacting. This morning we had a trivial argument that escalated into him getting ready n having his dad turn up at my/our house to pick him up. He says he was Gona o out to give me time to calm down (I was perfectly calm just didn't want to talk to him because he'd upset me) I told him it's pathetic and that he was bailing on me in an argument. Long story short he's about to leave when he says "don't use this as an excuse to have your ex round here!" I got mad and told him he'd gone too far and to leave, went to read
My daughter a story, whilst trying to read it he's in the doorway saying the exact same sentence over and over and over again and when I say stop he demands I answer him. My daughter started crying which made me cry so I told him to leave he asked if its over so I said yes n he went mad asking again and again and again if I meant it? I'm trying to comfort my daughter n he starts TELLING me he will be back later and that we are going to sort things, o told him not to bother and he continues to ignore me telling me he will be back. I lost my rag, told him he's abusive and has no respect for me or my daughter and to get out, he refused so I went out to his dad and asked him to get him out, next thing my partner is telling me to fuck off, got the phone he gave me and threw it at my legs! He's never gone so far as to throw something at me. I'm so upset and confused. What the fuck do I do now?!

Aramynta Mon 11-Jul-16 14:25:02

What do you do?

You listen to what you are already telling yourself and then you break things off with this man. He will only get worse, more paranoid, more controlling and more abusive.

I know it's easier said than done, but get the ball rolling. You really want your DC's to grow up thinking that his behaviour is normal?

SandyY2K Mon 11-Jul-16 14:37:06

You make sure you never get back with him. His behaviour was outrageous and especially in front of your DD. He clearly has issues, but you are not his punching bag and to be violent towards a pregnant woman as he was is nothing short of abusive violent behaviour.

You said something that caught my attention. "He's never gone so far as to throw something at me"

From that I'm sensing he's done other things that are violent or bordering on violent - even though his words. Correct me if I'm wrong about that.

He comes over as a controlling, jealous and insecure man.

ricecrispies16 Mon 11-Jul-16 15:00:10

I'm so weak, I don't recognise myself. I can see what's happening and it's so not like me to shut up and take it if that makes sense.

Whenever this happens he reminds me how 'well' he treats me and how my behaviour is unbelievable. It's like he hooks me in, the world looks so rosy and then it crashes down within weeks. I feel brainwashed!

He never threatens me but I find myself wary of him at times and avoid upsetting him if my daughter is around just incase... I suppose if I'm honest I think he has the potential to 'turn' I guess. Or is that just me being stupid. I admitted that to him once and he acted all horrified....

I know he will call at some point and apologise profusely and say a load of stuff to talk me round... That or ring the door bell repeatedly Untill I give in and open it which he's done before. What a mess!

OurBlanche Mon 11-Jul-16 17:04:44

Well, when he starts ringing the bell call the police...

You say my/our house... whose is it? Can you lock him out legally?

Call WA and get their help to start following your instincts.

ricecrispies16 Mon 11-Jul-16 20:25:29

Blanch it's a house we rented together, things got bad a while back and he left and abandoned all responsibility of it, he's recently been staying all the time so the past month we've been living together again.

Could women's aid help me?

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Mon 11-Jul-16 20:31:04

You need to get the fuck away from him then stay single for a good long while, focus on your children and get some therapy

ricecrispies16 Mon 11-Jul-16 20:43:56

Just seen he's blocked me on Facebook. How the fuck has this happened? Never dreamt I'd be giving birth as a single parent sad just awful!

bluecashmere Mon 11-Jul-16 20:45:51

I really think you need to ensure he's clear this relationship is over before the baby comes, as I believe he will get much worse once it arrives. Don't mean to sound harsh but you will regret it if you don't do this. I am talking from personal experience. Do you have plenty of support to help with the new baby? And yes, WA can help with advice and support.

ricecrispies16 Tue 12-Jul-16 07:15:10

Cashmere I do have support, my mum will help where she can. It's still quite daunting though.

Have no idea how we will negotiate a contact agreement because he's likely to become a complete twat and I won't trust him with the baby.

bluecashmere Tue 12-Jul-16 10:44:05

These were the same concerns that kept me there with my baby but I wasn't thinking rationally. It is best for you and your daughter to remove yourself from this situation now. She shouldn't be subjected to this. Contact with your new baby can take place at a contact centre where you don't have to come face to face with him and you can be sure the baby will be safe, but I'm afraid contact will have to take place in some form. Get some legal advice but be prepared to be told nothing he has done will make any difference to his rights. You can get a first session for free and there are other resources you can access. Speak to WA today if you get a chance.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 12-Jul-16 10:52:19

Yes WA can help you.
Call them now and keep trying until you get through.
He's blocked you to 'punish' you and show you who's boss.
Don't let this cock back into your life.
Do you really need him financially?
I have a feeling he may be a cocklodger as well.

WA and get all the RL help you can with your mum and friends.
Do NOT allow him back.
If he keeps ringing the doorbell, as a PP said, call the police and have him removed.
You've done the hard 1st step now follow through.

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