I need advise. I have a fractured relationship with my mother, she's a classic narcissist. since I have had children she's gone off the radar, think full on meltdowns, awful things said, taking to bed for days, running off at one stage to an aunts house. She was sick in hospital for awhile, not too seriously but I was made to feel like I wasn't doing enough for her. Having just had my first baby I wasn't able to provide my undivided attention. It bugged her and she let me know. Now I've had my second baby and she's no longer working. I'm getting immense pressure from her to let her 'help'. Any previous 'help' hasn't ended well.
An example is she offered to wash the babies clothes but as I didn't call up to her house as I promised one day the clothes were essentially held ransom for a week. The week was no contact but I heard back from my sisters that it was due to me not being appreciative enough for her help. I had to go out and buy new baby clothes that week, you know newborns go through vests very fast! I was super hormonal at the time and the feeling she took my new babies clothes for her own reasons still bug me.
Another example is to I've asked her come help me for an hour a week at a play center to hold my DD so I can play with my DS. each week there are reasons she can't help that hour and always at the last minute too. I called her on it this week and I was made feel it was my fault for not understanding all she has to deal with. Previous babysitting requests had not happened due to numerous reasons - always about her and what she's going through.
I have many more examples and can't put them al in to words. A look, a sentence. Anyone with a narcissist mother can relate.
Now the offers are to mind my DS. I have a problem with this as on any given day I don't know what her mood will be, will she let me down at the last minute. Will she be in mood to just take to the bed and not get up because her life is so bad? In other words not reliable at all.
I'm so torn about the pressure to help. I want my children to know her but I can't put my past hurts behind me and I'm not 100% she'll not start to do the same things to them.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Narcissist grandmother
3 replies
user1467393664 · 09/07/2016 11:49
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.