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Still angry

(10 Posts)
pebbletree49 Wed 06-Jul-16 10:40:37

Five years ago, my partner proposed to me. I was over the moon as we had had a relationship for 9 years. He was my first love and we rekindled after 25 years apart. I started making wedding plans, nothing OTT, just a quiet register do, a meal and a short break to celebrate.
Then came the bombshell. He asked me to postpone the wedding, as his ex girlfriend would give him a hard time if he married me. Their relationship had ended many years before. The ex still visits his family weekly and still contacts him, playing the damsel in distress. They never married and never had kids.
My problem is, he still wants to marry me and now says that anytime I want to, he will, but I can't let go of what he said about postponing it in the first place. In my eyes, he considered her feelings over mine and this really grates on me, as it has made me feel inferior and worthless.
Do I make a conscious effort to forgive and forget and get hitched, or do I carry on reminding him, that I wasn't his priority when I should have been.

iloveberries Wed 06-Jul-16 10:46:09

He was ridiculous doing what he did:

You are ridiculous staying with him if you're going to still hold it against him.

Leave or move on.

If it were me I'd have left him at the time

hellsbellsmelons Wed 06-Jul-16 10:47:18

Do I make a conscious effort to forgive and forget and get hitched
If you absolutely want to stay with him and get married then you should do this one!

do I carry on reminding him, that I wasn't his priority when I should have been
This would be cutting off your nose to spite your face if you want to marry him.

I would personally have walked after the initial comment about postponing. Shows his priorities and you were not it! Not even close.

But if you want to move past it and you can then you should!

TheSparrowhawk Wed 06-Jul-16 11:26:41

Why on god's earth did you stick around in the first place???

hellsbellsmelons Wed 06-Jul-16 11:29:50

Everyone is different Sparrow
Some people can't get past it.
Some will try.
Some will come out stronger.
A lot of couples don't just want to give up.
They want to make it work and many thousands do make it work.
It takes a lot of commitment and whole load of work.
I wouldn't know because I didn't do it.
But I will always admire and respect people who do go down the longer harder road.
Nothing wrong with it at all!

RestlessTraveller Wed 06-Jul-16 11:31:41

Yep, I would have booted him out as soon as he said it. But you didn't, so how to move on? What's changed in that he suddenly wants to do it now?

hellsbellsmelons Wed 06-Jul-16 11:39:00

I've done this reply on the wrong thread!
Sorry Sparrow
DOH!! <faceplant>

MatildaTheCat Wed 06-Jul-16 11:58:11

What has changed? Is she still in such close contact? Because if she is she will always be a part of your relationship whether he thinks so or not.

Why did you stay after the postponement? If you were willing to accept that then ok but in that case I guess you need to drop the anger because you did accept it.

Sounds a horrid situation.

pebbletree49 Wed 06-Jul-16 12:09:50

Restless Traveller, He has always said he wants to marry, he just wanted to postpone it so as not to upset the ex. Now, five years on from the incident, I find it still riles me. So really, I guess what I'm asking is, how do I overcome the hurt it caused me.

Pheonix1102 Wed 06-Jul-16 19:45:45

OP if I have understood you correctly so you have postponed the wedding from five years ago till now? Now he is ready to do it and you are considering it but feel so angry about it?

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