Found out he's married...how do I deal with this

[lauren42]

I've been seeing someone for 8 months. He works in the same building but at a different company two floors above. He said he was separated and tonight I found out he lives with his wife. We bumped into his neighbour who talked about the hedge and how he'd spoken to my DP's wife about it earlier and she'd said my DP had said he'd already paid a contractor to come round. It was all said with such ease, it shocked me. I had been to DP's house!! It turns out she works in London, Tuesday to Friday. There's nothing in the house of her, except a couple of photos with the kids but he said they were up for the sake of the kids.

I went crazy with him. We have just argued for 4 hours. He said they never have sex, dont share a bed, have plans to formally separate. How can he have done this to me? He said he had only moved down here a year ago and so I have never met any friends of his apart from his colleagues. I am in shock. Why would he do this. 8 months.

[lauren42]

Oh and apparently his wife is crazy and that's why I can't meet her, because even though theyre not properly together, she'd be upset....

[NerrSnerr]

They are very much together, probably having sex. There's only one thing to do, dump him. Then get tested for STDs as you may not be the only one?

[NerrSnerr]

Just a thought- he didn't have you round when the kids were there did he?

[SeemsLegit]

They are indeed together and he's trying to spin you a line. Sorry op :(

[lauren42]

I feel sick. I don't know how to get past this. I honestly thought he was perfect. I will never trust anyone again.

[lauren42]

No I never met his kids but we discussed arranging it over summer holidays.

[SharkSkinThing]

Ruuuuuuuuuuun!!!!

[SirChenjin]

Yadda yadda yadda...he's flung the whole adulterers handbook at you, hasn't he? Tell him to get lost - because it will all end in tears for one/some/all of you.

[Goingtobeawesome]

He can't even come up with some original lines to get you into bed.

[oldlaundbooth]

Why would he do this?

Because he's a cheating fuck, that's why.

Run for the hills.

And get another job.

[lauren42]

I'm just totally in shock. I had a sense something was wrong about a week ago. I thought he was so perfect, there's lists and lists of things I could say about how much I love him. So fucked up. What a cunt.

[AyeAmarok]

Total script.

Dump.

[expatinscotland]

'He said they never have sex, dont share a bed, have plans to formally separate. '

Oh, bullshit! This is a classic line of shite.

Why would he do this? Because he's a lying, cheating bastard.

There is only one thing to do in this situation: DUMP. Don't waste anymore of your time with him because he'll just continue to lie so he can shag you.

[oldlaundbooth]

'He said they never have sex'

So then it's OK with him to have sex with someone else? He's married FFS

[lauren42]

What do you mean the script??

[lauren42]

I don't know how I'm going to get over this. I am in total shock. I will never trust anyone again. My heart is so broken but then it is all built on a lie!!!!!

[expatinscotland]

It's a script, a classic script that most married men cheaters use on their other woman: the wife is crazy/mental, they don't have sex, sleep in separate rooms, will separate/divorce, etc when things get right with the kids blah blah blah. He's not even original. Just a garden variety cheating twat.

[FellOutOfBed2wice]

Yeah, saw this happen to a friend. Men like this are unscrupulous liars. Run like the wind.

[lauren42]

He speaks to me EVERY night. All night, texting. There is no way he sleeps in the same room as his wife. That's the ONLY thing I think he's being truthful about.

[VoldysGoneMouldy]

The term 'script' is used when it comes to cheaters ("we never have sex / we planning to separate / we're getting a divorce / we sleep in separate rooms") because they often say they same thing. And it does indeed sound like he's thrown the whole thing at you.

Run for the hills, and don't look back. You deserve better than this cheating bastard.

[lauren42]

I feel so fucked up. My heart is broken

[gamerchick]

God it is the script isn't it what a tosser.

Tell him to leave you alone. There's no point in telling his wife as he'll paint you as a crazy stalker who won't leave him alone.

I'm sorry man.

[DelphiBlue]

OP run and don't look back. Then run some more. If he was as into you as you are him he wouldn't hide you. He is a bullshitter and you will not change him, no matter what lines he's spun you.

[Lunar1]

Their wives are always crazy, no sex for years, never talk, bad mothers, sleep in separate rooms, abusive, and on and on.

Run for the hills. I'd also find a way to tell her, you haven't done anything wrong and she doesn't deserve to be put at risk by him.