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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I wanted a threesome. Now I don't. Now he's kicking off

69 replies

amyc88 · 04/07/2016 23:31

Me and my OH discussed having a threesome so we decided to have a joint account on this website.

After several failed attempts at getting someone to meet us, and me losing interest in the idea and deciding I just want this to be me and him...he's kicking off

He says this was all my idea and now I've changed my mind. I only think about what I want and not what he wants. He says I'm controlling the whole situation.

I don't understand why he even thinks it's okay to kick off at something that was initially my idea! How can he even have the balls to do that?!

I'm not saying I'm completely off the idea but at this moment in time I have a lot going on, I don't want to do it right now, but he just kicks off whenever I say not now.

I don't know what to do. I've told him, at this present time I'm enjoying doing things with him, not putting energy into finding or speaking to women off a site for them to let us down again.

He just doesn't understand. No matter how I say it.

OP posts:

Report

TheNaze73 · 04/07/2016 23:33

I have no idea

Florene · 04/07/2016 23:34

He understands. He just doesn't care.

He wants to fuck other women, and his hopes were raised then dashed, and he's sulking like a petulant child.

It doesn't sound good, sorry.

ImperialBlether · 04/07/2016 23:35

You were looking for a threesome on THIS website?

amyc88 · 04/07/2016 23:37

No, another site. Not this one!

OP posts:

CoteDAzur · 04/07/2016 23:39

Did you really try to seduce a MNer into your marital bed? What a shocker that you had "several failed attempts"

What is it about the name MUMSNET that gave you the idea that this might be just the place to find a hot chick for a one-night-stand threesome?

annandale · 04/07/2016 23:39

I'd agree with Florene.

But having said that, I would also have a moment if someone got to the point of advertising and then went off the idea again. Unlike your dh, I would get over myself reasonably quickly I hope.

amyc88 · 04/07/2016 23:39

I've just said not this site!

OP posts:

jayho · 04/07/2016 23:41

umm, your body, your choice

CoteDAzur · 04/07/2016 23:41

Well, you've also said "Me and my OH discussed having a threesome so we decided to have a joint account on this website."

amyc88 · 04/07/2016 23:46

Not this website. I mean 'this' as in some other website. Regardless anyway!

OP posts:

AndNowItsSeven · 04/07/2016 23:48

It's a term of speech on this website.

AndNowItsSeven · 04/07/2016 23:48

Or in such and such website , same thing.

VenusRising · 04/07/2016 23:54

Why don't you go for a nice looking bloke down the pub, and invite him around for a session?
Your DP might like that, or he might not. Not your problem. It's a threesome innit?

Your DP sounds like he's put a lot of energy fantasising fucking another woman, and now he's in a huff, and is playing the blame game, because you took away his new toy.
I'd advise you to think about why you're with such a sulky immature man.

Maybe the nice looking bloke down the pub might be a better option?

Lillygolightly · 04/07/2016 23:56

Well sounds like he gotten to quiet like this idea that was originally your idea and was quiet looking forward to it. Perhaps he wasn't even all that much into it until you two started browsing or perhaps he was excited all along but decided to keep his excitement to himself so as not to freak you out. Either way it sounds like he is feeling seriously dissapointed which to be honest is out of order. Regardless of whose idea it was he should not be behaving this way about it. However I think you've have actually had a kind of lucky heads up because if this is how he acts and you haven't even gone through with it, imagine how he would behave if you had?? For example what if he had really enjoyed it but you didn't like it, would he be throwing his toys out the peak because you didn't want to do it again? Or what If you liked it and he didn't would he sulk about that and claim he felt left out?

What you do for kinks is totally up to you and I pass no judgements except to say if this is his behaviour now, I don't think your relationship is strong enough to handle a threesome. Sorry.

Benedikte2 · 04/07/2016 23:57

It may be Unreasonable of him but I'm afraid that now he will moan about it forever even if he eventually goes off the idea he'll use it against you because that's (male) human nature.

BastardGoDarkly · 04/07/2016 23:58

Oh dear.

You have every right to change your mind, but why did you initially want to do it?

Lillygolightly · 04/07/2016 23:58

Lol pram not peak

Oh dear

BastardGoDarkly · 05/07/2016 00:01

Hello Lilly does this make me your evil alterego?

Lillygolightly · 05/07/2016 00:03

Oooh hello evil alter ego

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys · 05/07/2016 00:03

Hmmmm ok then...

MyCatWasRightAboutYou · 05/07/2016 00:04

You definitely have right to change your mind. You don't owe anybody sex, and he should absolutely not be trying to get you to change your mind or pressure you into doing it.
It seems like he does understand and is sulking because he's not getting his own way. I would seriously think about whether this is actually a good idea. It doesn't sound like it.

iremembericod · 05/07/2016 00:08

I'm interested why you originally wanted one.

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e1y1 · 05/07/2016 00:11

Agree with Lillygo. Your relationship has to be absolutely rock solid before you entertain anything like a threesome. Yours doesn't sound like it is (of course I don't know this for sure, but I'm speaking as I find/read).

A few here have said what the issue is, your OH was pent up to be fucking another woman (and a threesome is an ultimate male fantasy). Now he can't, so he is having a paddy, this should speak volumes. It shows more focus on him, than you as a couple.

Say you had have gone through with it, and decided even halfway through it wasn't what you wanted, would he have kicked off then? Would he have just carried on with the other woman. Or even as lilly mentioned, you did it once and decided it was a one time only. Or you did actually like, and he didn't.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 05/07/2016 00:19

It's a bit like the withdrawal method: he pulls out early and feels disappointed. Only in this case it was you who withdrew prematurely.

I have some sympathy with your OH. He has a right to feel a bit let down and let you know. He doesn't have a right to be mean to you and obviously no one has a right to sex.

trafalgargal · 05/07/2016 00:19

Just tell him you've only partially changed your mind and are looking for a guy to make up the three and watch him rapidly go off the idea

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