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I wanted a threesome. Now I don't. Now he's kicking off

(70 Posts)
amyc88 Mon 04-Jul-16 23:31:49

Me and my OH discussed having a threesome so we decided to have a joint account on this website.

After several failed attempts at getting someone to meet us, and me losing interest in the idea and deciding I just want this to be me and him...he's kicking off

He says this was all my idea and now I've changed my mind. I only think about what I want and not what he wants. He says I'm controlling the whole situation.

I don't understand why he even thinks it's okay to kick off at something that was initially my idea! How can he even have the balls to do that?!

I'm not saying I'm completely off the idea but at this moment in time I have a lot going on, I don't want to do it right now, but he just kicks off whenever I say not now.

I don't know what to do. I've told him, at this present time I'm enjoying doing things with him, not putting energy into finding or speaking to women off a site for them to let us down again.

He just doesn't understand. No matter how I say it.

TheNaze73 Mon 04-Jul-16 23:33:39

I have no idea

Florene Mon 04-Jul-16 23:34:50

He understands. He just doesn't care.

He wants to fuck other women, and his hopes were raised then dashed, and he's sulking like a petulant child.

It doesn't sound good, sorry.

ImperialBlether Mon 04-Jul-16 23:35:15

You were looking for a threesome on THIS website?

amyc88 Mon 04-Jul-16 23:37:43

No, another site. Not this one!

CoteDAzur Mon 04-Jul-16 23:39:26

Did you really try to seduce a MNer into your marital bed? What a shocker that you had "several failed attempts" grin

What is it about the name MUMSNET that gave you the idea that this might be just the place to find a hot chick for a one-night-stand threesome?

annandale Mon 04-Jul-16 23:39:36

I'd agree with Florene.

But having said that, I would also have a hmm moment if someone got to the point of advertising and then went off the idea again. Unlike your dh, I would get over myself reasonably quickly I hope.

amyc88 Mon 04-Jul-16 23:39:57

I've just said not this site!

jayho Mon 04-Jul-16 23:41:30

umm, your body, your choice

CoteDAzur Mon 04-Jul-16 23:41:53

Well, you've also said "Me and my OH discussed having a threesome so we decided to have a joint account on this website."

amyc88 Mon 04-Jul-16 23:46:08

Not this website. I mean 'this' as in some other website. Regardless anyway!

AndNowItsSeven Mon 04-Jul-16 23:48:00

It's a term of speech on this website.

AndNowItsSeven Mon 04-Jul-16 23:48:20

Or in such and such website , same thing.

VenusRising Mon 04-Jul-16 23:54:20

Why don't you go for a nice looking bloke down the pub, and invite him around for a session?
Your DP might like that, or he might not. Not your problem. It's a threesome innit?

Your DP sounds like he's put a lot of energy fantasising fucking another woman, and now he's in a huff, and is playing the blame game, because you took away his new toy.
I'd advise you to think about why you're with such a sulky immature man.

Maybe the nice looking bloke down the pub might be a better option?

Lillygolightly Mon 04-Jul-16 23:56:43

Well sounds like he gotten to quiet like this idea that was originally your idea and was quiet looking forward to it. Perhaps he wasn't even all that much into it until you two started browsing or perhaps he was excited all along but decided to keep his excitement to himself so as not to freak you out. Either way it sounds like he is feeling seriously dissapointed which to be honest is out of order. Regardless of whose idea it was he should not be behaving this way about it. However I think you've have actually had a kind of lucky heads up because if this is how he acts and you haven't even gone through with it, imagine how he would behave if you had?? For example what if he had really enjoyed it but you didn't like it, would he be throwing his toys out the peak because you didn't want to do it again? Or what If you liked it and he didn't would he sulk about that and claim he felt left out?

What you do for kinks is totally up to you and I pass no judgements except to say if this is his behaviour now, I don't think your relationship is strong enough to handle a threesome. Sorry.

Benedikte2 Mon 04-Jul-16 23:57:50

It may be Unreasonable of him but I'm afraid that now he will moan about it forever even if he eventually goes off the idea he'll use it against you because that's (male) human nature.

BastardGoDarkly Mon 04-Jul-16 23:58:16

Oh dear.

You have every right to change your mind, but why did you initially want to do it?

Lillygolightly Mon 04-Jul-16 23:58:36

Lol *pram not *peak

Oh dear blush

BastardGoDarkly Tue 05-Jul-16 00:01:12

Hello Lilly grin does this make me your evil alterego?

Lillygolightly Tue 05-Jul-16 00:03:34

Oooh hello evil alter ego <waves>

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys Tue 05-Jul-16 00:03:53

Hmmmm ok then...hmm

MyCatWasRightAboutYou Tue 05-Jul-16 00:04:42

You definitely have right to change your mind. You don't owe anybody sex, and he should absolutely not be trying to get you to change your mind or pressure you into doing it.
It seems like he does understand and is sulking because he's not getting his own way. I would seriously think about whether this is actually a good idea. It doesn't sound like it.

iremembericod Tue 05-Jul-16 00:08:13

I'm interested why you originally wanted one.

e1y1 Tue 05-Jul-16 00:11:20

Agree with Lillygo. Your relationship has to be absolutely rock solid before you entertain anything like a threesome. Yours doesn't sound like it is (of course I don't know this for sure, but I'm speaking as I find/read).

A few here have said what the issue is, your OH was pent up to be fucking another woman (and a threesome is an ultimate male fantasy). Now he can't, so he is having a paddy, this should speak volumes. It shows more focus on him, than you as a couple.

Say you had have gone through with it, and decided even halfway through it wasn't what you wanted, would he have kicked off then? Would he have just carried on with the other woman. Or even as lilly mentioned, you did it once and decided it was a one time only. Or you did actually like, and he didn't.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Tue 05-Jul-16 00:19:15

It's a bit like the withdrawal method: he pulls out early and feels disappointed. Only in this case it was you who withdrew prematurely.

I have some sympathy with your OH. He has a right to feel a bit let down and let you know. He doesn't have a right to be mean to you and obviously no one has a right to sex.

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