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Lonely and don't know what to do

(10 Posts)
WishfulThinker70 Mon 04-Jul-16 19:30:20

Where to start...

My husband spends more time arguing on the internet and talking on Facebook than he spends with me. He works away most of the time, and he can post upwards of 40 times a day on Facebook (that's just his own updates, doesn't include him arguing and discussing other people's stuff) and I'm lucky to get a phone call to check in.

He also has a "friend" on Facebook, an old friend, whom I happen to know views him as "the one". He loves the attention, as a minimum, but yes, I've read his emails, and he told her he wished he'd done something about it when they'd had the chance. He now has a second facebook account, I can't friend him, but guess who's on there; yep, she is.

Add to this the fact that we last had sex more than 2 years ago, and only a handful of times in the last six years, I am feeling lonely and unwanted.

I passed a really important course a few weeks ago, and I'm still waiting to be congratulated more than just hearing the word "Yay". He says he's proud of me to other people, but I don't get to hear it. When I talk, he can barely let me finish a sentence, and if I start speaking, and his phone is anywhere near, he'll pick it up and lose interest (if he had any) in what I'm saying. I think he assumes I'm just babbling.

I'm so lonely, I don't know where to turn.

WishfulThinker70 Mon 04-Jul-16 19:34:04

PS I should add, we don't have children. That's another issue for me. He has 2, and told me ages ago that he didn't intend to have any more, just wanted to keep me, so kept telling me when xyz happened, we'd have kids....

Highfivethatfart Mon 04-Jul-16 19:46:56

You could start by telling him what you've told us. If he isn't aware then nothing is going to change however it won't be an easy or comfortable conversation and before you embark on it you need to seriously consider how you will feel and cope if the end result is not one you were hoping for. Relationships can change but it takes time and work and both people participating. You are going to have to be brave and make the move.....flowers

WishfulThinker70 Mon 04-Jul-16 19:57:12

I wish you could like responses on here.

He knows how uncomfortable I am about his friendship, but he insisted that he wants to keep it. To me, that means that is more important than our marriage, but he told me in his past relationship he was never allowed to have what he wanted.

He knows I loathe this woman. He conveniently ascribes my feelings about her to everyone, and insists I feel this way about all women in his life. Not true at all, this is just so he can meet up with people and not tell me about it. He had a very close female friend in his last job, and he never told me he met up with her for drinks; I only found out because their receptionist mentioned it to me.

I don't think he's been physically unfaithful to me, ever. He is having an emotional affair with this one, and I think it's just a matter of time.

WishfulThinker70 Mon 04-Jul-16 19:59:03

I think I would feel relieved if he wanted to end it. As far as I can see we've nothing to keep us together, except convenience. The only thing is, I don't know how I would manage financially; short term it would be a massive issue to get money together to leave. I have no family to turn to and my friends all live at least a 2 hour drive away.

BiscuitMillionaire Mon 04-Jul-16 20:05:49

From what you've described, I think you know it's over. He's treating you like a piece of furniture and putting all his energy and attention into this 'friend' - and probably shagging her already. I would guess that the receptionist mentioned him meeting the other woman for a drink on purpose as she wanted you to know that he's being unfaithful - sorry.

You're lucky you don't have children, so you can end it and start your life over. Money is always an issue, but your happiness is more important.

Believeitornot Mon 04-Jul-16 20:12:06

I'm sure the receptionist mentioned it to you deliberately

Why don't you think he's having a physical affair?

candybar007 Mon 04-Jul-16 20:18:49

Congrats on passing the course wishful.

WishfulThinker70 Mon 04-Jul-16 20:21:39

He's one of these people who is so vehemently against being unfaithful. He did it with me to his ex, but said she did it first. Of course, I only have his word to go on.

Even if he isn't shagging her (she lives up north, he spends most of his time in London), they're still in regular contact.

WishfulThinker70 Mon 04-Jul-16 20:22:12

Thank you Candybar; I've had better reactions from strangers than I have from him. x

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