DP has an interest, it might be identifying to talk about what it is but I can't really explain the problem by being vague! It's cars. He is obsessed.
He works as a mechanic, so works with cars all day. He has several project cars he has at home so when he gets home from work he will go straight out to the garage and work on those. He might come in for dinner and then go out again or just stay out there till really late then come in and eat so I see him for a grand total of about an hour before we go to bed. Weekends are the same, he is either out there doing stuff or going to see friends who are doing similar things.
I am not into cars. At all. In the slightest. I just don't see the attraction, they are just machines that get you from A to B and that's it to me. DP has tried to get me interested but I just can't get worked up about it like he does. Virtually all his disposable income goes on buying new parts, etc.
Now it's fine for couple to have different interests but we have virtually nothing in common . We've been together almost 3 years and are engaged but I find myself getting increasingly frustrated that our interests are so different. I am never going to be interested in cars and he is never going to be a bookworm like me. I don't want to break up over something that seems so silly but I can't imagine being married and spending my life with someone who I don't share any interests with.
Often when I ask him to do something, anything, with me, it seems to be done either grudgingly where I can tell he wants to be elsewhere, or he just blankly refuses. I desperately want to go on holiday with him but I can't see it happening as he never has any spare money with all the stuff he buys.
I asked him to take the day off for my birthday as I have the day off and will be spending it on my own doing nothing until he finishes work otherwise but he refused as he doesn't want to lose a day's pay. Fair enough but it's just another thing that is making me feel like I'm just not on his list of priorities. It's starting to make me feel really shitty because he almost never puts himself out for me where as I do lots of things for him (that he doesn't appriciate).
There are so many lovely things about him, reasons why I fell in love with him in the first place, and I really like the fact that he is such a hard worker. In some ways he is the polar opposite to by douchbag ex who happily sponged off me for almost our entire 8 yr relationship. But I'm just so sick of spending every evening and day off by myself. Doing nothing, going nowhere. We never go anywhere together or do anything interesting and I'm just tired of it. I don't have a lot of friends and I'm so fucking lonely 90% of the time but we live in a tiny rural town that has virtually no opportunities for meeting new people.
He did recently confess that he was feeling depressed so I wonder if the constantly being out in the garage is a form of escape and he just needs his space. I don't want to crowd or pressure him but he won't talk to me and I don't know how to help him. I just want things to get back to how they used to be. I'm hoping that if I give him time and space that he will eventually come out of it but will he? What if he doesn't? He's quite happy to chat to a female friend about his problems but not me. If I try and talk to him about things that are bothering me he just shuts down as he can't handle me 'having a go at him' even if I'm just talking normally and rationally rather than screaming and crying.
What do I do? (Sorry it's so long )
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Feel like I'm not on DP's list of priorities :(
14 replies
FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname · 04/07/2016 14:59
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