Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Dismissive husband. What do you think?

(6 Posts)
123fushia Mon 04-Jul-16 11:43:24

My Dh and I have jobs caring for others in different ways. He is part time and cares for his elderly dad.
Really sad today - he doesn't care for me. Many incidents over the years but he only realises how I feel about his dismissive behaviour when I finally cry. Even then he says sorry but never asks how I feel, does not support me with anything that I do. Am on anti depressants to try to numb the ache. Have been to Drs recently and need a small op but didn't ask anything about it. He justt isn't interested in me and my life. We have a DS - he loves him but usual teenage struggles make home life difficult. We sleep apart. Originally because of his snoring but have just go used to it. He is kind, funny and loving to others. Dog gets more attention and love than me. I have a busy and responsible job, am a do-er and a carer too. Just feel that I deserve more. What do you think?

pallasathena Mon 04-Jul-16 15:21:58

You probably do deserve more but its never healthy to rely on someone else for validation I've found over the years.
You sound a bit depressed and you sound overworked and under appreciated. Seems to be the lot of so many people these days sadly but what can you do to make things better?
Well, if I was you I'd probably get myself my own little dog for company and cuddles. I'd take up regular dog walking to keep healthy, maybe even join a gym or take up a class in a subject interesting to me and I'd think about a bit of personal pampering. Change hairstyle maybe or hair colour. Buy a new top or jacket in a vibrant colour. Wean myself off wearing black, grey and beige in the process.
I'd learn something new. A skill or a language would be good. And I'd practise mindfulness - the glass is half full not half empty is my personal mantra currently. And then, once i felt I was suitably re-booted and re-suited on the outside and the inside, I'd start looking about for a lovely new man who treated me like a queen.

amarmai Mon 04-Jul-16 20:37:14

Actually no , I wd not look for a new man to treat me like a queen. I wd look for a new me and a new life..
No matter what age you are ,there is always time to start again.
The institution of marriage cannot deal with the many decades of any two peoples lives . We live too long now and we change as we go along , either that or we are not growing . Bet your teenage son wdn't be surprised if you divorced. Dismayed and not sure how he wd fit into the new reality, but things wd settle down and he'll be on his own path soon. Check out different kinds of counselling,meditation,exercise, etc You will find out what's out there and try different paths out until you choose what's right for you. Good luck on your journey.

SandyY2K Mon 04-Jul-16 20:54:30

I think you both have a lot going on and have little time for each other.

Are the two of you able to get away for a weekend and try to reconnect. Have a relaxing break and talk to each other.

123fushia Mon 04-Jul-16 22:31:49

Thanks for your messages. You have good advice. I suggested counselling a while ago but to be honest don't want to be the one that drives it. He eventually made a phone call to relate but did not follow it up and as often happens, he has forgotten about it now.
I am taking some strength from your comments about doing something for me which I have been doing of late. Still feel pants though.

amarmai Tue 05-Jul-16 01:29:08

Better to go for counselling by yourself imo

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now