Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Why do men think they can do this?

(40 Posts)
user1467042399 Sun 03-Jul-16 13:43:43

There is a guy who had my number from years ago when he bought something from me.
I have known him since school (we are 28 now)
He lives near me so see him all the time.
No way ever even if I was single would I go there.
I told him nicely I have a bf and he wasn't my type but he would still message me.
He would say things like "let's have a pj party" " but oops I don't wear pjs" "give me a try"
Then message me "what you doing" etc.
None of these messages I would reply to so eventually I just blocked him.
He then found me on snap chat (don't know how to block on there)
So he sends me a pic of him in bed lying in his boxers(pj party soon) then message after message "you doing"
"What you scared of"
I do not like you!!! He looks about 13 too.
Then to top it off .." Come over,come in my room,my mum doesn't mind...he's 28.
Why do men think they can say this and a woman will say ok Come over.
What happened to dates?and winning a woman over?

something2say Sun 03-Jul-16 13:50:08

Um this is more than that surely.

You've not responded and still he carries on.

I'd say to him that he either stops messaging you or he will get a knock on his door from the po lice.....

Isetan Sun 03-Jul-16 13:56:29

Here's an obvious answer to your question, some me are just knobs. However, what's very unclear is, why it took you so long to block him and why you haven't subsequently blocked him in Snapchat. If you can type 'I don't know how to block someone in Snapchat' then you can Google, 'how do I block someone in Snapchat?'.

Despite your protestations, I think you like the attention.

TheyOnceSaid Sun 03-Jul-16 14:01:06

Why do men think they can say this and a woman will say ok Come over.

Men do not behave like this, it's boys that behave like this, or men that are extremely immature.

I would have stopped all communicate the minute he said "let's have a pj party" <<< very childish you are no longer teens.

But on the other hand I'm sorry you've come across a guy who behaves in such a way, there are actually some nice guys out there flowers

user1467042399 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:04:44

It took me so long to block him because I tried to be nice and not hurt he's feelings,when it became clear he wasn't listening I blocked him.
Everyone likes attention but not from him no.
And no I don't have a clue how to block on snapchat,wasn't even 100% if you could block.

ImGoingToTeabagYourDrumKitDale Sun 03-Jul-16 14:06:14

Can you not just reply back on snapchat

Just fuck off you immature cunt, I can't fucking stand you!

PortiaCastis Sun 03-Jul-16 14:08:34

I'd be knocking on his door and telling his Mummy what her wanker of a son is up to.

AprilSkies44 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:10:33

id just be direct now and say 'please could you stop messaging me because im not interested. my next call with be to the police for harassment.'

and actually do call poliice if it doesnt stop - they will have a word in his shell like and i suspect that would do the trick.

BubblingUp Sun 03-Jul-16 14:10:38

But when being nice - as many woman are conditioned to be - you are sending the wrong message. You don't have to be nice. You don't have to give a flying rat's ass to his feelings.

"My name is No.
My sign is No.
My number is No."

BlackVelvet1 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:13:45

Some people think if they harass someone long enough the person will give in. It works sometimes so reinforce the behaviour.

Sirona Sun 03-Jul-16 14:15:07

Any man I know wouldn't do this. Yes to the tell him to fuck off and you'll ring the police for harassment if it continues. You've tried being nice and he's not got the message.

ImGoingToTeabagYourDrumKitDale Sun 03-Jul-16 14:17:26

April is obviously nicer than me blushgrin

fattyfattytoadgirl Sun 03-Jul-16 14:25:33

Are you saying this has been going on for YEARS? If so, time to show him you mean business. If he's been harassing you for YEARS, you are either encouraging him, albeit subconsciously, or he's a real nutter.

If you live near him and see him "all the time", hasn't he ever bumped into you with your boyfriend there? What happens on these occasions? Have you discussed any of this with your boyfriend, by the way?

You need the link below to block on SnapChat. It's very, very simple:-

support.snapchat.com/en-US/a/block-friends

No man would go on for this long messaging you until he was feeling encouraged (think hard about how you come across in your interactions with him) or he's actually deranged, in which case you should contact the police for advice.

Good luck!

user1467042399 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:28:20

No it's just the last few weeks.
I sold him a table years ago and that's when he had my number.
Yeah he has seen me with bf but I haven't told bf about it as he would probably punch him and I don't want him getting in trouble

user1467042399 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:29:46

The guy in question has autism and adhd I don't know if that effects the way he thinks.
That's one of the reasons I didn't like to be nasty.
He has 2 kids so he isn't that backward in coming forward tho.

user1467042399 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:30:46

There was 1 time I was struggling with my shopping and he helped me.
He came in and I said thanks it was a warm day so I offered him a cold drink
Maybe that led him on

HappyJanuary Sun 03-Jul-16 14:34:50

If he has autism he may struggle to understand societal norms, not understand nuance or subtlety, and not be fully aware of how he is coming across to you.

It's not an excuse, and you don't have to put up with it, but he may not get the message until you spell it out clearly - 'I don't want you to contact me any more, I don't like it'.

He may wonder why you didn't just do that in the first place. If he still doesn't back off I would try parents, then police.

HappyJanuary Sun 03-Jul-16 14:37:37

And snapchat website has step-by-step instructions to block :

https://support.snapchat.com/en-GB/a/block-friends

TheStoic Sun 03-Jul-16 14:39:05

They can, because nobody stops them. He doesn't care what you actually think of him. It's worth it on the off chance you'll one day be up for it.

TheNaze73 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:51:20

Men & woman who are just after sex I think, just see it like a scratch that needs itching. Wouldn't take it personally, he'll have at least 20 on the list. Must work as these people would change tactics.

Trills Sun 03-Jul-16 14:53:09

So you posted here asking "why do men do X?", without thinking that it was relevant to say that the man in question was autistic? hmm

BubblingUp Sun 03-Jul-16 14:53:21

You might read the book - The Gift of Fear.
Him helping you with your groceries without being asked (called Loan Sharking)
His persistence thinking it will be rewarded someday.

Sirona Sun 03-Jul-16 15:10:16

Bit of a dripfeed op smile Can you talk to his mum at all?

fattyfattytoadgirl Sun 03-Jul-16 15:12:06

Thanks for the update, OP. That makes a huge difference to the situation.

I think HappyJanuary's advice is very good.

user1467042399 Sun 03-Jul-16 15:13:09

Not the first man who has acted like this ...and they didn't have any problems.
Seems to be a lot of men out there who think they can use women for sex.
Makes me wonder what makes them think it's acceptable.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now