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Moving too fast?

(12 Posts)
Thistledew Sun 03-Jul-16 09:00:09

FULL DISCLOSURE

This is not a real situation. I'm writing a story and am fleshing out the characters. You lot give some really sound advice and insight into human behaviour, so I'm interested to know what advice you would give to my characters. I am disclosing this now so I don't get accused of trolling and also so people can choose whether or not to comment on this hypothetical situation.

However, I would add that it is really important to me to have these characters behave in a decent and reasonable manner. My parents didn't talk to me much about relationships when I was growing up, and in my later teen years I developed an addiction to trashy romance books, where with hindsight the characters behaved in really screwed up and often abusive ways, but that was ok because it was a deep burning passion and one true love hmm. I think reading such nonsense was a direct cause of not recognising that my first serious relationship was actually deeply abusive, so it is important to me to make my characters set a good, but human, example of how to deal with their relationship.

Anyway- if anyone is still interested, this is the story.

Female character E meets male character T. They have a passionate one night stand, and get so carried away they forget to use a condom. Work (and plot lines wink) separate them. E finds out she is pregnant but can't get in contact with T. She decides to continue the pregnancy as a single parent if necessary. They are reunited when E is 4 ½ months pregnant.

E tells T that he is the father. He is blown away, but wants to have a proper relationship with the baby. He also thinks E is fantastic and wants to have a committed relationship with her. He is a decent guy, but has a tendency to be impetuous and to steamroller ahead with things because he is confident he can make them work as he goes along.

E also really likes T. She is also confident in her own abilities but is much more cautious than T. She is also a bit controlling and finds it uncomfortable if she is pushed outside her carefully considered plans.

When E is about 7 months pregnant, T is pushing her to buy a house together. She has a small flat, which is adequate for her and the baby and is happy for T to move in with her. He wants them to combine resources and get a 'proper' family home.

What would you advise E? Should she take the plunge and move to a new house with T? Or stick to her guns and give the relationship a longer trial period?

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Sun 03-Jul-16 09:06:28

It would be insane for E to sell her place and move I. With T. They should live separately whilst spending lots of time together for a good long while. Just because they are having a baby doesn't mean they should artificially force a 'marriage' when they aren't ready.

Thistledew Sun 03-Jul-16 09:10:07

That's what E thinks Lady. But T is really keen to be a 'proper' father and do his share of the night wakings, nappy changes, looking after E etc.

bluebloom Sun 03-Jul-16 09:13:47

Having seen a friend go through a very similar situation only for the dad to bugger off at 8.5 months & never bother again, I would absolutely never advise making that kind of financial commitment, I would suggest he moves in with her or they rent somewhere together.

gettingtherequickly Sun 03-Jul-16 09:20:39

They shouldn't buy a house together, nor should he move in.

They need to give their relationship a chance, and that would not be conducive to lasting long term. Effectively they're straight to "mum & dad" without having the "E & T" phase. It's not possible to turn back time, but they do need to get to know if they even have a relationship apart from the baby.

gettingtherequickly Sun 03-Jul-16 09:21:45

"Looking after E", why, does she have a disability?

Thistledew Sun 03-Jul-16 09:23:20

No disability - I mean in the early days post natal, doing the things that decent men do such as the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc so E can recover and look after the baby.

gettingtherequickly Sun 03-Jul-16 09:30:32

He can do that without moving in.

Do you mean to make him creepy? I have an ex work colleague who jumps from woman to woman, each time she's the love of his life, no-one has ever made him feel like this. Gets engaged / moves in within weeks then 6 months later it's all over and he's heartbroken, can't believe how much he's been let down, blah, blah blah.

Then he's onto the next one.

He's in his late 40's now and has just got engaged to someone he's known 8 weeks.......

PastoralCare Thu 07-Jul-16 09:50:51

The challenge is not the plot which seems plausible enough whichever twist you care to give it.

The challenge is how are you going to build characters to match the actions and decisions you highlight.

Why does he want to keep the baby? Why is she controlling? You make these statements but if I read a story and these are facts, just how the narrator decided then I'll drop the book.

You see, you are uncertain about what they'll do next because you don't know who they are. Some characters would do one plausible thing and other would do another.

Also, you need dynamic. Maybe it would be more dramatic that they end up espousing each other's positions thus again being in disagreement. She convinces him, he convinces her, they swap places and are still far apart.

Does this make sense?

The best book you can read on this subject is

The Art of Character:
Creating Memorable Characters for Fiction, Film, and TV
by David Corbett

If you already have a sample send me a message and I will be happy to give you some feedback.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 07-Jul-16 11:26:59

No way should she buy a house with him.
He can either move in with her on a trial basis or she can rent out her flat and they can rent a place together.
See how it goes.
Blimey it's only been 3 months.
Would anyone move in after 3 months of actually knowing someone?
No way!
If she is controlling then she needs to take control of the situation and tell him how it is.
He can take it or leave it!

Thistledew Thu 07-Jul-16 16:06:40

Thanks to everyone who has commented on this thread. To be fair to E, she thinks just the same that you do- that it is way too soon to move in together! I would certainly tell her the same if she was a friend. I don't see T as creepy - just more of a risk taker who hasn't had the benefit of sound relationship advice from MN smile. As things turn out in the story, the decision is taken out of their hands - and if I ever get the story published, I'll tell you why! wink

MonkeysWAGMug Thu 07-Jul-16 16:24:14

If only all of the posters on R'ships who are making up fiction would be so transparent! wink

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