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Are some people just to hard to love?

(5 Posts)
user1466690252 Sat 02-Jul-16 12:50:47

I think i am. Which makes me sad for my children and I really don't want them to end up like me, but nobody seems to be able to tell me what it is I do wrong?
I think I'm nice, kind, I always try to take in interest in other people's things? I try to do things that make others happy. Alot of people have fallen out with me. Most just stop talking to me and stop replying to messages and I never really know why.
I had an ex husband walk our on me and I don't really know why. I'm trying to be vague as I don't wanna out myself, but I can think of more people who don't like me than like me. People just don't seem to care.
Just had another row with dh, only bickering I guess but I just make him so sad. I feel totally void of any energy and I just don't know why I am so difficult. I really don't mean to be and would love to try and work out what it is about me that is such hard work.
Do you think you know anyone like that that you could describe and I can see if I'm like them? It's really hard work to keep smiling to be honest. I wish I knew what I was doing wrong

MatildaTheCat Sat 02-Jul-16 13:00:23

Some people are very hard work, that's true. We can't judge if you are or not. In my experience such people are negative, quick to criticise and quick to take offence.

It reads as if you have been married twice so clearly you are not unloveable. Have you had any open discussion with your dh about what he finds difficult with you? Maybe counselling would be useful if you do see behaviours in yourself that are repetitive and damaging.

Resilience16 Wed 06-Jul-16 19:00:10

People like to be around people who like themselves. Take a good long look and ask yourself do you actually like you? Are you happy in your own skin? If not, that's what you need to work on, be it through self help books, counselling, therapy, exercise,education,medication or what ever it is that can help you be the person you want to be.
Look inward rather than outward.
You have to love and value yourself if you want others to do the same.
Good luck x

Funko Wed 06-Jul-16 19:11:05

Hmm this can be a tricky one. It may be that (like me) you are hard to get to know? Perhaps you try to be too much of a people pleaser so in an effort to be likeable take too much of an interest in other people/their interests and not have/show your own identity?
My personality means I can be very guarded to the point I can seem blunt or harsh. I'm really not but I also don't have time for people who are needy or full on. I'm not a person to have lots and lots of friends. I have the smallest close knit friendship group who I will have forever more and we rarely see each other 😁. But we are each of the same type and we all totally get each other.

Perhaps you need to get to know yourself better and be comfortable with that first and also understand other people's personality types and then you can gauge how and why you perhaps don't gel well with each other? They could be the wrong types of people for you. Nobody is wrong with their personality type it does need understanding though and can be very enlightening.

Do you work? I only ask as there are personality tests available and you can learn about all types. The paid ones are undoubtably the best as you can get the most in depth analysis back. But they are geared towards your 'working' personality type. I find it all fascinating!

Belbin social styles principles are a good read as are mbti

Free mbti test with some interesting info: www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

It's worth looking into. But bottom line is learn to understand (and accept and love) yourself and understanding others will follow suit.

Hope that helps?

ForalltheSaints Wed 06-Jul-16 19:35:51

Possibly. How anyone can love Michael Gove, for example.

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