In law issues | Mumsnet

Myusernameismyusername · 2016-06-30 23:22:45

I am wary about going into too much detail in the subject but I really would like some advice. I have always been close to my sister and she has done very well for herself and I am proud of her. She has a DP who I welcomed into our family and initially we all got along. Fast forward a few years and things are now so strained we aren't even really speaking to one another, he doesn't visit with my sister and ignored me last time I visited theirs. I was previously very active in their lives and they in mine with our children, but there was an incident that happened where I feel he crossed some of my boundaries and I reacted badly, angry and emotional. I am quite aware that I have made choices that he doesn't approve of, or my values or my way of living perhaps (not that it's anything extreme that I do) but he has very set black and white ideals - it's not really clear to me entirely because he has not been very honest with me about what the problem is. I just started to feel he didn't like me, didn't like my company and he made me feel uncomfortable. He interferes and is opinionated when it is not always welcome. I haven't always helped myself at times and probably have irritated him too. He can be kind and funny when he wants to be, I don't really get to see that side of him very often. I began to find it difficult to spend time in his company a couple of years ago. He's horribly lazy and can be quite rude/aloof. He has hurt my feelings on many occasions. I have also listened to my sister endlessly complain about all of his bad points as well which doesn't help. I have tried very hard to like him but I do not now. I also try very hard to tolerate him and usually we just can tolerate one another in silence or politeness but since 'the incident' where he was rude, goading, irritating and patronising I just am at a real loss as to what to do. I tried talking it out with my sister and intially she listened to how I felt and agreed, but his influence over her is more powerful and she back tracked on her initial support to turn it to me being exactly 50% of the problem too. I didn't dispute this, and I apologised for anything I had said or done but he absolutely refused to apologise to me, or acknowledge any bad behaviour. According to my sister nothing he does is intentional it is all him just not being very 'switched on' to other people's feelings so therefore, I just have to get over it. I have been pushed around by many men and do not really want to be pushed around by this one. I am willing to be civil but the family time is now gone, and ruined. I don't want to spend time there, I feel uncomfortable. I don't expect her to choose between us, but she isn't very neutral either and that hurts me. I wanted to be acknowledged not chosen. It's her choice who she is in a relationship with and we are just very different people - for her, this is ok and she is happy. But to me, She HAS chosen him, and his side and my side is now irrelevant. I am hurt that a man has come between me and the person I was the closest to in the world. I don't know how to move forward in my relationship with her essentially as it is not a practical solution to only spend time together in his absence and it is the GIANT elephant in the room when we do. Do you think we can ever repair the relationships? Or shall I just continue to fade out?

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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This thread has been deleted

The OP's concerned that she's given away too many details here and she's worried that this thread could cause problems so we've agreed to delete it for her.

Thanks to everyone who offered advice.