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online porn/chat rooms

(36 Posts)
Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:08:02

Hi, am new here and would appreciate some advice on my partners online porn/chat addiction?

AnyFucker Thu 30-Jun-16 20:09:58

What advice do you want ?

Buzzardbird Thu 30-Jun-16 20:11:04

What advice are you looking for?

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:11:50

Hi, are you a male by any chance?

AnyFucker Thu 30-Jun-16 20:12:50

confused

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:13:52

In a nutshell I have discovered that my partner is looking at online porn and i think using chat rooms.
I know that men look at porn and although i don't like my partner doing this know that he probably wont stop but the chat rooms are a step too far?

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:15:08

I should probably add that he is 60 and I'm 49. We have been together for 3 years..

glasgowlass Thu 30-Jun-16 20:15:49

Have you actually spoken to him about it.

FWIW women watch porn too, it's not just men.

AnyFucker Thu 30-Jun-16 20:17:06

I don't tolerate porn at all in my relationship. I don't agree that women have to accept it is inevitable that their menfolk cannot have a healthy sex life without it.

Chat rooms to me are interactive so I consider their use to be cheating

That is my personal opinion.

What do you think ?

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:18:44

Yes I have. He says that I have nothing to worry about but I don't like the idea of it all Tbh and feel hurt and not good enough?
I know some women watch it and are ok with it but I'm not !

tigermoll Thu 30-Jun-16 20:20:03

If the chat rooms are a step too far for your relationship, then you have to talk to your partner about it. If he won't stop (or says he will but doesn't) then you have to decide if you want to continue the relationship.

It doesn't matter whether other people say "I would never tolerate my partner using chatrooms" or "FFS it's harmless, what are you worried about". It's whether it is a problem FOR YOU.

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:21:10

not 100% sure if he is using chat rooms but found them on his history browser. Yes i feel that it is cheating also and I don't know how to handle it ?

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:25:05

Thank you for your replies.
I was married previously for 23 years , my ex had an affair which he later regretted. I'm finding this worse in a way and quite seedy.. Im also feeling really upset and sad and dont know who to talk to and is obviously private..I really don't want to have any sexual contact with him at the moment..

Buzzardbird Thu 30-Jun-16 20:29:38

Belle you need to decide what your dealbreakers are. For me, just the porn alone is a dealbreaker, the chatroom nonsense would have me ejecting him quicker though.

There is no way that he can think that interaction with other women is acceptable in a relationship. He is trying to see if he can get away with it.

Buzzardbird Thu 30-Jun-16 20:31:08

Has your sex life declined before you found out anyway?

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:32:47

How do I find out for sure though? I really don't know what to say to him or how to begin the conversation without me getting really upset??
What do i say to my adult children if they ask why im leaving him?

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:33:28

yes declined because I dont want it anymore tbh !!

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:34:25

because of his porn obsession. When i asked him a few weeks ago, he said that his previous partner used to watch it with him etc..

Buzzardbird Thu 30-Jun-16 20:38:19

I understand your revulsion. So, you already knew about his habit when you met him? Even if you did, it doesn't mean you can't say now that you can no longer tollerate it. If he has been open about his habit then he probably will tell you if he is using chat rooms.

Chat rooms come at a cost I believe, so there would be some trace of that on credit card or bank account?

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:40:19

no i didn't know when I met him. I only found out after I moved in with him. I don't have access to his bank account so couldn't check that..

I really don't know what to do..

Buzzardbird Thu 30-Jun-16 20:43:40

You are going to have to ask him...try doing it in a casual way so that he is not tempted to lie.

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:47:18

I will ask him tomorrow and then go from there.I think if he has been using the chat rooms then I will have to end the relationship..feeling so upset at the moment..

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:49:13

what on earth would i say to my children who are adults and his kids who are in their 20s?

HeartOnTheLine Thu 30-Jun-16 20:51:30

I would probably break up with my DP if I found out he was looking at porn online (would make me so insecure) using chat rooms is really not on.

Belle I would tell them the truth "We are splitting up because he has been looking at online porn and going on chatrooms"

Belle43 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:58:19

Yes i guess they're old enough to understand. Would be more concerned about his kids as their mum died 5 years ago ..
I feel so humiliated and not good enough..

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