Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Wish I'd read his phone...

(16 Posts)
Halfwayoranges Thu 30-Jun-16 08:36:04

Seeing someone for a year. The last month I've felt he's been lying about where he's been etc. I think he's seeing his ex. I'm not a suspicious person generally and I have never wanted to do this with anyone better. Last night his phone was left unlocked when he was in the bathroom, but I didn't check it. Now I'm regretting it and wish I had and it's all I can think about!

Not sure what to do... It's like I'm planning to look again and I hate that because I never wanted a relationship like this!

Halfwayoranges Thu 30-Jun-16 08:39:11

*anyone else not anyone better!

AnchorDownDeepBreath Thu 30-Jun-16 08:43:40

Honestly, I'd walk away at this point. You've only been seeing him a year, you feel he's lying to you and he's inspiring you to do something that you wouldn't normally do and don't want to do.

Cut your losses now and walk away with your head held high. After all, looking at his phone won't really help. It might confirm what you think but he might be good at covering his tracks so you still won't know, and it's unlikely to end there.

mylaststraw Thu 30-Jun-16 08:53:01

Agree with Anchor. Believe me, you don't want to get further down the line and still feel this way.

SandyY2K Thu 30-Jun-16 09:21:13

Just end it if you feel this way. It's not worth the stress.

Horehound Thu 30-Jun-16 09:24:13

Hmm I'm not sure. if he was up to something I doubt he would have left his phone unlocked?

Just talk to him?

TheNaze73 Thu 30-Jun-16 09:51:47

Why on earth would you entertain being in a relationship like this? It's not normal.

A year in, you should be thinking is this love potentially, not resorting to checking someone's phone, which in itself would be wrong.

You're the prize OP, if he's making you frown, more than smile, bin him off. It's only been a year

ForestFruits12 Thu 30-Jun-16 10:27:32

Sorry OP - but if you aren't usually a suspicious person, then he must be giving you reason to feel this way.

I checked my now ex's phone and found things that COULD have been dodgy; ie, a fb message from a girl we both know, which was clearly responding to something he had sent late at night, but he had deleted his own message. He explained it away as just being friendly.

IME this will eat you up until you find something you want to find

Pinkheart5915 Thu 30-Jun-16 10:31:23

Have you spoke to him about how you feel?

If your feeling like this after just a year then think about cutting your loses.

I think even if you had looked in his phone and found nothing, the trust has gone when you feel you need to check up on your partner and with no trust the relationship won't be good anyway

Sparklesilverglitter Thu 30-Jun-16 10:34:24

Communication is important in any relationship, you need to be able to talk to your partner from the start. Have you spoke to him?

I think once you start looking in people's phones etc the trust has gone and even if you find Absouletly nothing you can't get that trust back.

A year is a long time together so you should still be in the "honey moon" phase of your not trusting him, thinking his seeing ex, you could cut you loses

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Thu 30-Jun-16 10:34:43

You don't need evidence to end a relationship.

ForestFruits12 Thu 30-Jun-16 10:54:42

What makes you think he has been lying to you?

RestlessTraveller Thu 30-Jun-16 11:08:09

If you feel the need to snoop it's over already.

KyleM Thu 30-Jun-16 11:23:15

My wife used to check my phone on a weekly basis even thought I had never given her any reason to do so. She never found a single thing and every time she checked would say something like "god you're boring" but would still check again the following week. I brushed it off and just placed it down to insecurities, it never bothered me because I knew I had nothing to hide.

10 weeks ago my wife ended our marriage with no reason given and a part of my thinks that the insecurities she felt finally caught up with her. If you can't find a way to let go of this I personally think it will consume you and your relationship is as good as over.

On a side note I've heard that my wife is now saying to people "I know he's texting other women", her insecurities are still eating her up but now she doesn't have my phone to check.

Lyndsaylou84 Thu 30-Jun-16 12:03:40

If he was hiding something he wouldn't have left his phone out unlocked.

Horehound Thu 30-Jun-16 12:43:21

kyleM that is so sad. I am an insecure person and I have been known to check my boyfriends phone. Just as your wife found nothing, neither did I. I don't expect to so I dont know why I have done it. But the one thing I am SO GLAD about is that he had the same kind of mentality as you. Doesn't bother him and realises it is insecurities.
I know I am lucky to have him. I can't help but feel if you keep reassuring your wife she will come back to you?
I feel very sorry for you both sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now