I have ended a relationship that I feel was very codependent.
I often felt mistreated but, instead of ending things, I'd bargain with him to change or just wish it was different. Initially, I described it as abusive, but I can now see the impact that my own behaviour had in terms of allowing and permitting a toxic dynamic to persist.
I am a lot happier and am working on my self-esteem.
Initially, I followed advice and "went no contact", thinking that it was dangerous for me to speak to him. But I don't know if it was right for me. By portraying the relationship as abusive, I erased anything good and denied myself access to the good memories I had with him. Though I'm ready to move on, I want to retain the memories of that love, when it was good and easy and fun, to know that it was part of my life story and to feel at peace with that.
So I spoke to him, and explained my reasons for leaving, and said that I genuinely think we don't work and he needs to be with someone who can tolerate the things about him that I find difficult. Where there was a kind of emptiness or hole inside me during the "no contact", I now feel calmer and like things are as they should be.
I think that's what closure is like for me. How about you?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
What does closure look or feel like to you?
7 replies
throwawayjunefri · 29/06/2016 16:01
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.